Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.
 [Heroes In Danger] A permit to carry a gun is also a permit to get yourself killed by a cop. If something happens where you have to use your firearm in self-defense or to help someone else, and the cops come in, they do not know who you are and what the situation is. They will react toward you as though you are a bad guy. There is no way to ID yourself instantly when cops are in their self-defense mode. They think only to preserve their lives and will take down anyone with an aggressive look or holding a weapon. It’s best is to drop to the ground and do not move until the cops understand what is happening. Playing the hero does not work in real life. |
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| I wonder if Wetstock 15 happened. There was no nothing from Flip Flop Bob about it and he should know. |
[Computer Generated Websites] What’s this? competition to the Coconut Telegraph? and from California to boot! I’ll bet they’re really into what happens on Big Pine. I also bet that they couldn’t find Big Pine on a map. |
| [Vanity Lost] It’s a shame when a woman loses her vanity. A good example is the middle-aged woman traveling with her hubby in an RV. She usually wears a t-shirt and most always has short hair. “It’s so easy to care for.” She’s about as attractive as the RV and usually just a big. She’s the antithesis of sexy and broadcasting loud and clear, “You ain’t putting that thing in me!” That’s for sure. |
[#InternationalBaconDay] I’ll have the Smiley Face Breakfast Special. But could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o’clock shadow made of bacon bits, and a bacon body. |
| [Listen To The Words] I was sort of watching this commercial the other day and though I can’t remember what they were advertising, I do remember something they said. “People don’t remember what I say, but they do remember how I make them feel.” Really? If that’s true, it explains a lot. I know my dogs don’t understand every word I say, but depending on the tone of voice I use, they get what I mean. Is that what people have de-evolved to? They don’t listen to the actual words coming out of someone’s mouth, they just listen to the tone of their voice? If so, that certainly comes in handy for politicians. |
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| [Dog v Cat] If you get a dog it can learn over 140 voice commands, will hunt and retrieve for its owner, will love and protect its family, can be trained to sniff out drugs, can be trained to guide the blind and track down missing persons. If you get a cat it will eat, sleep and crap in a box. |
[Safety Turtle] Two-headed sea turtle found and released in N.C. It was bred for traffic, to look both ways before crossing. |
| [Hurricane Dorian] With each NOAA update, Dorian’s landfall forecast position moves further south. 5AM 8/30/19 update has it hitting between W Palm Beach and Stuart at 130 mph, going into Okeechobee and turning north toward Sebring instead of crossing the state into the Gulf. It was forecast to hit near Daytona a little over a day ago. It has slowed too. Somebody is going to take a beating and it may well be the Keys again. Hey Joe, Where ya gonna run to? |
If we all just switched to cursive writing and stick shift cars, we could cripple an entire generation. |
| Caring for the Earth isn’t some weird-hippie-thing. It’s more of a badass-survival-thing. If we don’t have a healthy planet, there won’t be a healthy anything. |
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| [Recommended Book] Annals of the Turkish Empire, from 1591 to 1659, by Mustafa Naima. Free ebooks at http://www.gutenberg.org/ |
[Liars] How much better would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire. |
| [Junk Mail] Saturday, I received a letter from a TJ Jensen, Fern Ave. in Big Pine (Eden Pines subdivision), titled “Hi Mango Ln neighbors!” suggesting I join Nextdoor Key Deer website, a free & private site – local recommendations, items for sale, lost pet news, crime & safety issues, local events, etc. etc. Enter a code to join (which “expires in 7 days!”). I thought it very strange. The zip code was postmarked as being from Fullertin, Calif. It claims there are already 800 posts on Nextdoor Key Deer. Has anyone else received this letter? |
[Hurricane] Well it looks like another big one has missed the Keys, but there are several more building up off of Africa. Can we sink Africa or build a wall there? We should be able to control this weather crap with all the stuff we have invented, no? |
| [Hurricane Shutters] I asked the local home-owners insurance agent if it was ok for me to install my own 1/4 inch thick hurricane shutters. I was told the 1/4 is not strong enough and I’d have to use the corrugated .050 aluminum type. Goes to show they have no idea what’s going on! |
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| [Irony] We now live in a society where people use a $600 cell phone to check their food stamp balance. |
[Burton in Somilia 1854] Seeing me still in pain from the spear thrusts, he insisted upon trying a Somali medicine. He cut two pieces of dry wood, scooped a hole in the shorter, and sharpened the longer, applied point to socket, which he sprinkled with a little sand, placed his foot upon the “female stick,” and rubbed the other between his palms till smoke and char appeared. He then cauterized my stomach vigorously in six different places |
| Carcinogenic compounds are commonly formed when grilling meat, but marinades make a big difference. The Cancer Research Center in Hawaii found that marinating in teriyaki sauce reduced compounds by 45 to 67% while marinating in typical sweetened American barbecue sauce increased carcinogens by roughly 2 to 4 fold compared to unmarinated meat. Turmeric-garlic marinade also drastically reduced carcinogens. The link to the report is in an article by Dr. Josh Axe. Dr. Axe says soaking potatoes in water before cooking drastically reduces their carcinogens. Link |
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| The stock market does affect people that work for a living. Whether they have an IRA, 401k or company provided retirement plan, much of their retirement savings will be in stocks. Unlike the government, private sector businesses cannot just get the capital they need to run their business by raising taxes on the people who work for a living, so a downturn in the market affects business too. If you’ve ever worked in the private sector, you know that when a company’s stock goes down too much, layoffs follow. Do they teach economics in school anymore? It doesn’t seem like it. |
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| The Bahamas needs big help following Hurricane Dorian. Here’s how you can donate. Video |
Buy a boat they said. It’ll be fun they said. |
| [Architecture Police] New names for the affordable housing being shoved down our throats in the Keys: ghetto uno, slum ville resort, trailer trash haven, instant holms inc., nuevo key, container town, smellville USA! holyroller homes. There are a million names for this coming disaster. Save the Keys, build gated communities with one acre minimum land or paradise will be eaten by the developers and low-wage-renters. |
[Sterilization] I think people who are homeless, mentally slow, uneducated, and messed up in some way should be sterilized so they cannot make more of them! |
| DEF: Twitter n, A place for twits to vent information irrelevant to everyone but themselves. See: electronic masturbation and busybodies. |
[Fake Deer News] The Key Deer is nothing more than a tourist attraction and a means to control the use of private property. If anyone was really concerned about preserving the species, they would round them up and move them to the mainland where they would have ample food and water. It’s cruel to keep them in the Keys where food is scarce and fresh water is even more scarce. If you’ve ever seen a deer dying of thirst and resorting to drinking saltwater, you’d know what I mean. |
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