Published Tuesdays & Fridays (garbage days on Big Pine Key)
Since 2002
 [Cocaine] What a big fat lie! Why are people still doing it? It makes you feel bad, paranoid, unsatisfied and for the men – it goes right to their penis—soft-on. Thank you, fellas, for ruining my “cleaning” buzz and I am so grateful that all I want to do once in a while is smoke some grass and have a strong mai-tai or share an expensive bottle of wine. My ex died from fentanyl methadone overdose a year ago. He went from a violent alkie, to a coke abuser then graduated to heroin skidding in sideways. He said that he just wanted to have fun and all I remember from my early days of experimenting with drugs were not fun, but of just wanting to be back to normal. His mother has no clue how he transitioned nor did his entire family attend his Zoom funeral. Using alcohol and grass for medicinal purposes has been standard for myself and most weed people usually do not graduate over to hard drugs. |
 |
| [Crime Report] How many of us have left the Keys but still look at the Sheriff’s crime report? Notice how folks come for vacation, get all liquored up and then fight with their mates? Or get a DUI? |
The Weather Channel said dress for the mid-70s today. |
| [Sexual Harassment Remedy] Marry her and make her life miserable forever like they do to us! |
[Never Say Die Vegetables] You can regrow these from scraps. Don’t toss it, plant it! Link |
 |
| [Here’s A Toast To Government Inefficiency] I finally remembered to stop when I was in Marathon and get new hurricane reentry stickers for my car today. I went to the sheriff’s office only to be told that they no longer handled those and that I’d have to go next door to the licensing office. No problem I thought. I went in and leaned toward the counter and asked if I could just get a couple of stickers. In a foul tempered voice, the clerk told me I’d have to take a ticket and wait my turn. There were eight or nine people in the waiting room, so I left without getting the stickers. The bottom line is that in their infinite bureaucracy they have turned a two-minute task into something that will likely take an hour or more. |
[Fun With Trees] A forester planted a few larch trees in the Douglas fir forest in Oregon to create a smiley face. |
| Deer Ed, I’m interested in starting a paper like yours. Can you give me any pointers on where to start? I’m not in the Keys anymore and would like to get an outlet/website like this where I live now. (Ed: Buy a domain name and web hosting.) |
[Mr Potato Head] I’m so confused. If Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head are no longer male and female, does this mean there will be no more tater tots? |
 |
| [“DeX App”] “Drag and drop pictures back and forth from camera to computer.” I couldn’t get this to work. No matter how close to the computer screen I put my camera my mouse arrow always stops at the edge of the screen. (Ed: You have to download the app and connect your computer to the phone with a cord. It works with Samsung for sure.) |
[Motorhead Mask] Just wear a mask, dammit! |
| [Another Store Closing] I saw a moving truck loading Milagro Restaurant on US1 loading and this week a for lease sign is out front. |
 Listing your condo with For Sale By Owner (FSBO) in the Keys. Because it’s not listed with a realtor, they always pass on showing or even mentioning it to buyers because there’s no reason for them to.We don’t mind showing it, nor waiting for a no-show. We get to tidy up the place every so often and will save paying the 5 or 6% to hucksters |
 |
| Our world is divided into wise people and fools. And fools divide themselves by race, color, gender, or religion. ~United Nations representative Mohamad Safa. Aug. 6, 2020 |
There isn’t any food! Just a bunch of ingredients to make food. |
| [“Water barons [FKAA] tax serfs”] Ve vill never stop taking you money until all property is ours and redeveloped into 20 story condos. |
[Old People Calendar] Recreating famous movie scenes with old people. The oldest senior involved with the calendar was 98 years old. If you haven’t grown up by the time you’re fifty, well then, you don’t have to! |
| [Stimulus Check] I checked and double-checked, but I’m pretty sure that if you cash the Biden stimulus checks you are admitting that Biden won the election otherwise it’s bank fraud to cash a fraudulent check. |
 |
| [Kidnappers] A Key West couple is in police custody and facing criminal charges after they reportedly kidnapped a man and stole his car while holding him hostage at knifepoint for hours. They forced the victim out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger seat. Solstad then began driving to different locations around Key West and Stock Island while punching the victim and threatening his life. Solstad produced a carpenter’s razor knife at some point and held the victim hostage in the car. Solstad and Megerle demanded the victim turn over all his money multiple times. Link |
[Useless Degree] I borrowed thousands of dollars for an Art Studies degree and now that want me to pay it back. |
| Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever! |
[False Font] How to pass any true or false test. |
| Anyone notice subtle things in and around Key West? Bus stops right next to trash receptacles, scooter and bicycle traffic not paying mind to pedestrian cross walks, radios blasting from vehicles with no care of emergency vehicles since they can’t hear them. But, alas, the mayor wants to light up the palms on N Roosevelt at Xmas time, quite the priority! |
 |
| [“Abbreviate is a long word”] I agree, but not as long as circumcision |
 [Stop Shallow Sewage Wells] Our campaign to eliminate shallow sewage wells from the Keys. We had our first big success at Cudjoe, where citizen pressure (and citizen-supported litigation) helped convince the County to dig a deep well for sewage effluent and stop using the shallow sewage wells except for emergencies. Now, the almost 1 million gallon a day Cudjoe plant will dispose its partially-treated sewage effluent about 3,000 feet below sea level, instead of into the shallow sewage wells drilled just 90-120’ into our porous limestone substrate. The partially-treated sewage effluent, more buoyant than sea water and laden with pharmaceuticals and other contaminants, also contains nutrients, all harm our shallow near shore waters and the reefs. Sewage effluent belongs deep under the Boulder Zone confining layer, not in our swimming beaches or in the shallow nurseries for our marine life. Marathon uses 12 shallow sewage wells and is allowed to dispose more than 2 million gallons a day of partially treated sewage effluent. Link |
 [God Endorses Slavery] The Rev. E. D. Simon, Doctor of Divinity and professor in the Randolph-Macon Methodist College of Virginia, wrote: “Extracts from Holy Writ unequivocally assert the right of property in slaves, together with the usual incidents to that right. The right to buy and sell is clearly stated. In 1835 A.D., the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church resolved “that: “slavery is recognized in both the Old and the New “Testaments, and is not condemned by the authority of God.” The Charleston Baptist Association issued an address, in 1835 A.D.: “The right of masters to dispose of the time of their slaves has been distinctly recognized by the Creator. |
       |
