Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I am looking for a long term renter that takes care of the yard and lets me know if something needs fixing. It’s 24 hours later and I am tearing out my hair on the 27th caller. I didn’t answer any calls before 9 am this morning so there were more. Some people were so nice, however with sewers coming soon the trailer can’t handle 6 people and 3 kids. My favorites didn’t have the security and first month. Each only $950.
Everyone wants it even without seeing it. Apparently a lot of people are living under or behind someone’s house in trailers that have to move because the owner must get sewer connecting permits and inspections. When I asked some of them where they lived now it was addresses of mansions. They are the illegal enclosure residents. Some were pretty normal, some were over medicated and some had landlords who charged $1,500. My favorite of that list were the ones who the landlord was willing to pay to leave!
I had a nice girl call that was willing to live in her car in the driveway with her boyfriend until he got his next check. They have no idea that electric has a deposit if you don’t have an account.
My saddest one was a man who stuttered and said he was in Key West and wanted to stay that night 9:30 pm. He found out he didn’t have long to live and drove to Key West to die. He couldn’t find a room for the night. I had Charles Eimers flashbacks. He said he could stay a year at the most. It was like the ‘Leaving Las Vegas’ movie.
I am at the point of waiting until there are 10 good ones to pick from. I have started telling them all to just come see me at the Flea Market at my booth, Cody’s Discount, by the picnic area. My worst case would be that I get 500 new customers with no money, but there might be a few good ones in the crowd.
Big Pine is completely different than anywhere else. We stick together and it’s not what you know, but who you know. It’s hard to tell young people that if you moved here with no money you won’t last a year. I am surprised how many got ripped off on apartments in Key West for $2,000 a month plus $800 for utilities. Sharing a house has a whole new meaning if you don’t know your roommate is gay.

As I am writing this I got 2 more calls, both offered $3,000 for the just the mini lobster season week. I don’t speak Spanish so it might have been the same family. I am keeping this story vague on porpoise because I want a renter who knows me as a local. If I am not at the Flea Market this week, find me in the mental ward in Miami.

When most local politicians seemed all too ready to allow real estate moguls to build their posh hotel resort, who would have thought that an old Navy letter penned almost a century ago was going to place the federal government in front of the bulldozer and save the last desert island in Key West harbor? The battle over Wisteria Island is one for the storybooks. Over the past 9 years it has known the most bizarre of twists: Developers wining and dining local politicians were ratted out by their waiter. A spy they hired, named “Dirty Joke Dennis,” went to prison leaving, on a sinking boat, a stack of their compromising letters. When the environmental value of the island was under attack, endangered sea turtles showed up and for apparently the first time ever were documented by FWC nesting on the island.

The sources and influence of water quality on the marine resources of the Florida Keys. Video

Manatee deaths and injuries due to collisions with commercial and recreational watercraft have remained constant (roughly 20 percent) for the last 40 years, even as boat registrations quadrupled. Water-control structures, entanglement in fishing gear, cold stress, disease (such as red tide), and loss of habitat also account for manatee deaths.

[Rust Never Sleeps] This is rust. It’s caused by oxygen and called oxidation. We breathe oxygen every day. If it can do this to a chain, just imagine what it can do to your lungs. Help raise awareness about the danger of oxygen.

[Skunk Sex] In the animal world, sex often involves what would be considered rape or sexual assault in human civilization. So I wondered if when a lady skunk is not in the mood, does she spray the unwelcome suitor with her strong cologne? Like dating wasn’t tough enough, huh mister skunk?

[“The Colorful Commish” is Dead] Former Key West City Commissioner Tom Oosterhoudt died peacefully at Broward Medical Center on April 1st. He also published Conch Color magazine in 2005

[The Movies] In the 1954 sci-fi movie Gog, robots start a nuclear reaction. After defeating the robots the pointy-breasted lady passes out from the radiation. When she awakes in the hospital she asks the lead man, Richard Egan, what happened. He replies, “Oh you just got a little too much radiation.” Video

The feeling among them is that there is going to be another “next big thing” and they want to be ready to buy the companies that will be making it happen. This has never occured before.

[Robot Vacuum Cleaner and Mop] iClebo YCR-M05-10 Arte smart home/office vacuum cleaner and floor mopping robot. November Consumer Reports ‘Best Buy’. Amazon price: $469. 1 year manufacturer’s warranty. New in box never used (my old-fashioned wife won’t allow it in the house): $250 firm. b33043@outlook.com

The habitual intoxication of the Cumberland House Crees has induced such a disregard of personal appearance, that they are squalid and dirty in the extreme; hence a minute description of their clothing would be by no means interesting. All the Cree’s clothing are soon reduced to a very filthy condition by the Indian custom of greasing the face and hair with soft fat or marrow, instead of washing them with water. This practice they say preserves the skin soft, and protects it from cold in the winter, and the moschetoes in summer, but it renders their presence disagreeable to the olfactory organs of a European, particularly when they are seated in a close tent and near a hot fire.

[Confucius Say] If man speaks in forest and there is no woman to hear, is he still wrong?

Paradise

All fig leaves burn
All ugly seen
All truth beauty
All pain loved
All time now
All people one

Believe me, there is nothing whatsoever happy in this movie. Nothing. Perhaps it is a good treatment, though, of the grimness of life today. That is, World War III – Islam vs. everyone else. In God’s name. In my country’s name. In whatever’s name. As the British anti-terrorist strike force commander, played by Helen Muir, takes not one single prisoner.

I wish my husband and I knew about investor.gov before we gave the money from the sale of our second home to our crappy investment counsuler. Yep, it’s all gone. Link

-Officer Hein made a physical arrest at the north end of the Channel #5 Bridge in the Upper Keys after checking fisherman for resource violations.  He arrested a subject for possession of cannabis 20g along with eight counts of possession of paraphernalia, possession of cocaine, tampering with evidence, no fishing license and littering.

-An individual in Key West recently informed Officers Foell and Lopez of a dingy that was stolen at the dock in Key West Bight. An initial report was taken by Key West Police Department (KWPD). The individual supplied the officers with a possible suspect that was using the stolen engine on a different vessel. The officers conducted a vessel stop on the suspect and were able to obtain information on the engine, including the serial number. Officer Foell supplied the information and photographs to KWPD detectives. Approximately one week later, Officer Foell and Lopez were on water patrol when they observed a vessel matching the description of the stolen dingy, tied to the mangroves. The stolen vessel was returned to the owner. The owner also received his stolen engine from KWPD. The suspect currently has an active warrant regarding the stolen vessel.

-While patrolling in Bahia Honda State Park, Investigator Cox, Officers Garrison and Rubenstein responded to a call regarding a fight in progress.  Upon arrival, the fight was no longer in progress and there were no apparent injuries reported.  The state park management wanted the subjects to abide by the park rules or to pack up and go home. Officer Rubenstein took pictures and documented the party site that involved a car parked in handicap parking with a broken windshield and open cans and coolers full of beer cans.  The men involved in the incident were given citations for consumption of alcohol in the state park and the driver was cited for the broken windshield and parking in a handicap parking spot. With assistance from Monroe County Sheriff’s Office (MCSO) and the park staff, the party was ended and all the people cleaned up the pavilion and left the park.

-Officers Mattson and Baumgartner were checking fishermen on the Channel #2 Bridge near Craig Key.  Officer Mattson checked a fisherman catch and found numerous violations.  The fisherman was cited for possession of two out-of-season black grouper, possession of two undersized black grouper and possession of over-the-bag limit of black grouper.  He was also cited for possession of an undersized yellowtail snapper.

-Officer Plussa conducted a follow-up boat rental ‘livery’ inspection in Marathon, after responding to a search and rescue for a sinking boat out of that livery the day before. Officer Plussa asked the livery operator if her fleet was rentable and service ready. She stated it was and everything was in order. The officer found numerous administrative, boating safety, and records violations and noted the livery operator made several inconsistent and false statements. The livery operator was charged with five misdemeanors for not possessing rental insurance, not properly vetting customers’ boating safety training, not possessing the required boating safety training to operate a livery and other boating safety violations regarding the equipment in her fleet.

Mac Stone photography. Link

Does anyone know how I can get the Blue Angels 2013 Southernmost Airshow poster?

Read carefully.

[Benefit] Piners take care of Piners–as we always have. It’s just the way we roll. Should be a fun day, the Key Lime Pie Band will get permission to leave the nursing home for this one! The Ray West Band and Raising Cain will be helping. Good music, good food and a good time for all ages. Steve Miller with host the show. Coconuts loves to be part of a win-win. You have a great time and we help the Rev. Win-Win.The things that may change our world to make it better are smiling, helping, respecting, loving and forgiving. Come on out and help!  ~The “NUT”

This is what happens when the uber-carpetbaggers move in. I saw it happen in South Fl back in the 1980s. Key West is no longer really an island of acceptance. It’s an island of rich people wanting to live near the party. Perhaps someone needs to share the legend of Bum Farto with them, or maybe do the bad-neighborly thing and take them “fishing”.

For many years, man has built dams to back up stores of water–mostly in the northern hemisphere. A physicist crunched the numbers and concluded that the extra weight of all that damned water (pun intended) in the northern hemisphere has upset the spinning balance of the earth and is largely responsible for the increased wobbling that has been documented. Maybe piling extra ice on the Antarctic land mass will reduce the imbalance? What better place to get ice than from floating ice in the Arctic? Animation

[Urinal Decorum] And the most important rule is never strike up a conversation at the urinal. I peed at the bar in Key Colony Beach a few days ago and the urinal was mere inches from the sink and there was no privacy shield between. Washing your hands while someone’s schlong is just inches away is very unsettling.