Thursday, October 30, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

shallow-reef30
I’d rather be under the sea on the reef off Big Pine Key.
manley-deboer-7.11.14
easement30[“Sewer easement letter”] Read it slowly and carefully. It does not say you will have to pay for everything if you do not give an easement, it says may. This is such obvious duress to force an easement. I talked to one guy who said he regrets signing, but signed with “Under Duress” over his name. At least two lawyers have opined that the easement form is not even legally valid. However, that will not stop FKAA or their assigned contractor’s people from entering your property at will and doing as they please once they have the paper in hand. If your guard dog maims one of them, they will own your home after suing you and kill your dog. At least one commissioner has pointed out that the money has already been allotted for the grinder installation and there is no requirement to give that money to the contractor if he is not allowed to do the work. The installation is being subcontracted at a lower rate than the contract pays to a Keys contractor. The pump station itself, complete, is under $4,000. If you did your own, you could use a better brand with identical pumping characteristics in a concrete wet well with more storage capacity and an accessible check valve. Attend a Dump the Pumps meeting, they are very informal and friendly, and get more information.
I feel I know every single politician running for office because they’ve called me so often.
Coconuts-sign-ad-750w
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virtual30
The world’s first virtual shopping center opened in Korea. All the products are just LCD screens that allow you to order the items by touching the screen. When you get to the counter, your items are already bagged and ready to go.
[Where’s The Deer] I’ve only been back to my BPK house since Monday, but I haven’t seen one single key deer! Admittedly, I don’t usually come down this early so maybe it’s due to the time of the year. Where are they? The chickens seem to be gone from Winn Dixie plaza also. Haven’t checked the Blue Hole for the alligators yet
Springers-ad-750w
[Governor] If you haven’t realized it yet both candidates are lousy. Vote for the Party instead as both contenders suck. It really doesn’t matter who gets elected in this race as both are beholden to special interests and their differences are slight.
clowns-072709
[Send in the Clowns] At a time when public opinion of the FKAA is at a record low; at a time when there are probably a record number of simultaneous legal challenges against FKAA by concerned citizens who protest the flagrant violation of regulations intended to protect the health and welfare of the public and the environment; at a time when the public, including the FKAA employees that actually keep the water flowing, have never felt more abused by FKAA management; at a time when more water is unaccounted for than at any time in at least the last decade, we hear that the FKAA executives have given themselves double digit salary increases and received “outstanding” performance evaluations by the governor-appointed Board! Is the Board that easily duped by smooth talk? If you want a good laugh, check out the Vision, Mission, and Values statements in the FKAA’s 2013 Comprehensive Annual Financial Report. See how many goals the FKAA has abandoned in the last two or three years. Where is that elected FKAA Board demanded by referendum of the people? Link
[Immigration] Somebody please explain to me how having 30 million third world workers sleeping 20 to a 2 bedroom apartment and working about 19 million American jobs, mostly under the table, while all are on public assistance, can possibly be good for his country? Do we really want the problems Europe has with immigration? Vote all the fools who think “catch and deport back across a closed border” is bad idea out of office! No amnesty for law breakers.
Phil-Goodman10.13.14
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fox-ebola
So now we know where FTR guy gets his Ebola “facts”.
[“Round house on Cudjoe”] I tried to go, it was forbidden![?]
johnsons-7.9.14
Britons’ views on immigration are a perplexing blend of myth and reality. The Economist is a good info site for the world’s problems. Link
stones30
Zombies!!!
Oh, wait … false alarm, it’s just the Rolling Stones. Carry on.
[“Round house”] Maybe it’s going to be a geodesic dome home? Not from what one of the workers said. It is going to look more like the fat chick from NJ’s bra laying on the beach. But if the two domes are painted gold leaf the dude can eventually sell it to Muslims
eleanor-mcadams-9.18.14
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no-fat-chicks30
Hey all you wide ones, take the hit. It is getting nationwide (pardon the pun). Thin is in! Link
The Coconut Closet upstairs at Habitat for Humanity in Big Pine is having a Halloween sale. All costumes and related Halloween items are on sale for 50% off!! The Coconut Closet is open Thursday, Friday and Saturday, from 9 AM to 2 PM. Halloween sale ends Saturday, November 1. Staffed by volunteers, all proceeds go to Habitat. Check out our other sales too.
hareens-hats10.19.14
I don’t like odd shaped homes because nothing fits standard furniture. The furniture and appliances won’t fit the walls right. Carpets cost more and any modifications or rework is very expensive. Also Cudjoe Gardens is deed restricted, but money buys all. What is next, house trailers stacked up to 30 feet high? If I lived in that community I’d sell to some low-life to break even.
roth30
[“Roth IRA distribution”] There is not a required minimum required distributions (MRDs) for a Roth IRA like there is for a Traditional IRA. For a Traditional IRA, MRDs are required at 70.5 years of age.
[Chili-heads] The first weekend in November upwards of 10,000 people, fondly referred to as chili-heads, converge onto Terlingua, the tiny former mining town in the West Texas desert. Each year at this time Terlingua hosts two of the largest chili cook-offs in the world. That’s right, two. Link
bluewater-750w
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Fantasy-Fest-undercover-rooster
[“Fantasy Fest nudity”
] I see in the Citizen where former city commissioner Harry Bethel and a host of others are gearing up a big charge to make changes in Fantasy Fest. Principally, stop nudity. Also stop public sex acts by couples in plain view. I am in favor of the latter being stopped. Although, it still strikes me as seriously ironic (bizarre, weird, nuts, also come to mind) that the folks grossed out by Fantasy Fest aren’t howling to shut down the strip, lap dance, escort, prostitution and orgy parlors on the same street where Fantasy Fest is held each year – Duval Street. Those parlors, and many of the bars, are also drug-trafficking dens.

It also strikes me odd that I understand Harry Bethel mostly lives in North Carolina. And he is furious Fantasy Fest promotions advise not bringing your children to the event. Bethel is quoted in the Citizen article as saying nobody can tell him not to bring his children to Duval Street. Harry looks to be around my age, 72, or maybe older. His children have to be around my children’s age, mid-40s, or older. Harry’s children are perfectly capable of taking themselves to Duval Street, or keeping themselves away. All but one, Harry’s son, who is in prison for robbing fishermen’s lobster traps, which seriously burned Harry up – that his son got caught and was prosecuted, tried, convicted and imprisoned.

[“Round house on Colson”] In response to the poster who ended their comment ‘Do your homework’. If you read my post correctly I never said these homes were not storm proof, or not insurable, quiet the opposite. Yes, insurance companies love to quote rates on these type of homes, because they charge a higher rate for an unconventional style home, which is what this home is, unconventional, riskier if the home is not new. I have spoken to several local insurers who say the same. I know of someone who lost a real estate deal on an unconventional style home (there are a few of these homes on Big Pine Key) because they chose to not pay the higher premium and lost their earnest money deposit, a cash buyer. Choosing not to pay the higher insurance premium verses not being able to insure is a big difference. As far as lenders go, they love it when the borrower chooses to go for the higher insurance rate premium; the loan can close. Unfortunately, if one needs financing to purchase one of these homes, more so than not, the higher insurance rate may be out of reach. You sir, should stop jumping to conclusions, do your homework, then post something that is intelligent!
Chamber-ad-750w
Most people live in terror of death. If we are in the mood for some real reflection there is something worse –a worse alternative—–philosophically—-realistically— and that is to not fully or genuinely live this life, our life we were given, fully. Do not mess around with an identity of illusion. Find out who we really are and where we want to go —–self affirmation. Most of our consumer society is artifact and difficult to extract oneself.
explode30
[“Supply rocket explodes”] Right now, somewhere in orbit, the space station crew is really rationing toilet paper.
[“Round house. There’s lots of them all over the Keys”] Not like the one being built on Colson. I saw the plans. It looks like a bra. Two cones with a walkway between them.
Nira-Tocco-6.14
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saucer rotate green
[“Round house use”] Can we get a good conspiracy theory going that it’s actually a launch pad being built for flying saucers? Maybe instead of deep wells, FKAA is doing this to launch our waste into deep space? Where’s the CT creativity on this?
[“Round house”] Build whatever the architect talks you into, but your neighbors are the ones that will have to look at it for the rest of their lives. You’ll probably be gone as soon as you realize that the Keys aren’t like up north. I predict that the people who are building the place won’t live there. They’ll just come down from Miami every now and then and leave the unnatural building for the neighbors to look at. If the owners wanted such an unusual building they should have built it on a large plot of land where it might have actually looked good, not 15 feet from the guy next door
accurate-home-insp-750w
[“Importing Ebola Patients”] FTR once again, with out sourcing, posted: “In that same vein, a document, from the State Department, has just been leaked that reveals that the feel good pin heads in the White House and State Department are building and considering a plan to import Ebola patients.”
Let me try one. Every candidate that FTR endorses will lose the election because FTR endorsed him.
population-chart
[Population
] Just today, the human race added another quarter-million people to planet Earth. A quarter million. And this happens every day rain or shine. Currently, every year, we’re adding the equivalent of the entire country of Germany and that’s a big country. One problem is medicine finding ways to make us live longer–that’s a big problem for Earth. This population explosion only happened in the last century.
[“Odd Buildings”] Granted, everybody is free to build whatever the county will allow them. Having said that, the oddballs that build structures that do not conform with a tight surrounding neighborhood obviously do not care about fitting in. If the in-your-face attitude of newcomers does little to blend or to get along with folks who have been here a while longer, who’s at fault? Freedom has a price and the price such people pay is to eventually paint themselves into a corner. Since they do not seem to care whom and how they hurt or how it affects their new chosen community, why should they be accommodated and embraced as good neighbors? After all, by hook or crook, they end up devaluing their new surroundings and perhaps even their own castle, whatever its size or shape
fanci10-16-14
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bacon grease lady
[“Nudity at Fantasy Fest“] I see nothing wrong with it there. There’s nothing wrong with pretty bodies except I don’t have one. Gravity has beaten me. What is amazing is that some people must be blind or afraid to look into mirrors (vampires maybe?) Can’t they see themselves? What is so great about a nude Miss Bacon Fat?
Can anyone recommend a company to repair spalling on my building?
Cousineau-Ad-7.3.14
[“Hurricane proof dome”] Methinks there is nothing man made that is hurricane proof, hurricane resistant maybe?
tin-foil-hat
[“Dikes for seal level rise”
] Actually the dikes won’t work here because we’re built on porous coral and the water will just seep up from the water table. I’m not sure why everyone thinks this height referendum is such a conspiracy? I read the referendum and it’s very clear. But then again this is the CT, which appears to be the world headquarter for conspiracy theorists. (Did you hear about the lesbian who stuck here finger in the dike?)
Robotic Russian supply ship docks to International Space Station (the private American one blew up). Easy peasy, like ringing a bell. Link
Radio-Shack-750w
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dante11
[Politicians] In the great poem Dante’s Inferno the fifth level of Hell is where the politicians are and they are boiling in pitch. I find that fitting, but I think Dante should have included politicians in the tenth level with the liars who are diseased beyond recognition.
An atheist known for attacking expressions of faith and religion in the U.S. Armed Forces has convinced the Air Force to remove a newsletter contribution from a colonel because he mentioned his faith.  Link
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
[Latest Conflicting Ebola News] Ebola is also spread from coughing or sneezing. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s conflicting information! Link
floor jack up down
[“Water rising”] I have no idea about the level of my canal, but since the introduction of Viagra, my love muscle rises quite often!
[Unedited] To wlagraves@bellsouth Dont hide behind a email name because there alot of people who know the truth about why i (gary schwartz) retired. yes i was disguntaled but it was because of cuts your hero made to cut the amount of employees we had of which was not me i chose when to leave at the age of just short 3 weeks of my 68th birthday. I worked in the swamps where most of our moqutios come from but due to the shortage i was told to work on door to door mosquito control so i retired instead. When the gov. asked for replacement to the commision i am not sure what editorial board you claim i was interviewd by but what would they have to do with the selection. goodmans wife is head of the local republicain party and has had gov scott at their house to most people it is pretty obvious why goodman was appointed not elected like both you and him seem to think.like i said i do not have a dog in the fight as we left after 35 years due to what your cronies are doing to wonderful florida keys. oh and by the way i could still show you where the waste is and if you think there are lots of products that can be used to fight mosquitos you are proving that you do not know what you are talking about who ever you are wlagrve@bellsouth.com ~gls33@aol.com (Ed: No one is hiding. FTR is right out there. The Coconut Telegraph is an anonymous forum of reader content and always has been. FTR is one of the paid advertiser who makes the CT possible.)
george-neugent10.21.14
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conformity3
[“Round House”] Granted, everybody is free to build whatever the county will allow them. Having said that, the oddballs that build structures that do not conform with a tight surrounding neighborhood obviously do not care about fitting in. If the in-your-face attitude of newcomers does little to blend or to get along with folks who have been here a while longer, who’s at fault? Freedom has a price and the price such people pay is to eventually paint themselves into a corner. Since they do not seem to care whom and how they hurt or how it affects their new chosen community, why should they be accommodated and embraced as good neighbors? After all, by hook or crook, they end up devaluing their new surroundings and perhaps even their own castle, whatever its size or shape.
Conch terms for all who are not Conch:
From North of Jewfish Creek: Yankee
From North of Jewfish Creek and visit the Keys: Damn Yankee
From North of Jewfish Creek and move here: God Damn Yankee
Isaksen-ad-750w
[Citizen of the Day Says] She loves the fact that the island never gets colder than her refrigerator.
conchhorn21
[“Authority on who is local”] I think the pompous writer confused a Conch with a local. Conchs are here do to an accident of their birth, I’ve been here forty years because I chose it.
[“Pirate Radio”] Pirate radio had some really good music while Rev Ryno was the DJ. Ryno was fun to listen to with his zany antics. The local guy who tells everyone he’s the owner, but manager in reality, decided to fire Rev. Ryno after 3 years of serving the airwaves and making Pirate Radio one of the most listened to stations in the Keys. He fired Ryno because he claims that he was tired of Ryno. Once he fired him, he called Ryno’s landlord repeatedly and told his landlord to evict Ryno. Then he had Ryno’s only means of transportation, a scooter, repossessed, and called several other people harassing them about not giving Ryno a job, and a lot more evil things to mention, hoping to leave Rev. Ryno homeless, broke and without transportation. It seems that it wasn’t enough with just firing him. This is a sad result of what can happen to you when you have more talent than the boss. I never listened to Pirate Radio during the mornings, because just listening to this guy’s voice made me want to puke every time. I always listened after 2 p.m. when Ryno was on the air. But this guy is one of the most self righteous, mean spirited wanker P.O.S. you could ever meet. Ever since he fired Rev. Ryno and began harassing Ryno on a continuous basis, still today he continues, I’ve stopped listening to Pirate Radio, and maybe everyone else should too till this guy get’s fired for his illegal harassment and defamation of character towards an individual. I tried to listen to Pirate Radio the other day while former U.S.1 DJ Kevin Redding (who replaced Rev. Ryno) was on the air, but the music just wasn’t the same, even though I do like Kevin Redding. ~samkeysdtv@yahoo.com
BP-Flea-Market10.10.14
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conch-shatner
[“Authority on who is local”] It is good to hear that I am not, in your opinion, a local. You apparently were either born here or your parents moved here before you turned 18. Neither of these scenarios have you in a decision making position showing love nor commitment for the Keys. You just fell into it.
I visited the Keys when I was 12 and went to Sea Camp and made a conscious decision to live my life in the Keys. I made my parents life miserable with constant pleading to have the family come down for vacation. I spent every summer here learning the waters and lore. I chose my college education to be able to be productive here. The day I graduated I moved here. Eventually I started my own business, built a home, started a family, volunteered in the community, earned an honorary Conch certificate from Wilhelmina Harvey and have just completed exactly 2/3 of my life here as a full time resident. But good to know that you do not consider me a local. (Photo: Colorful Commish presents Captain Kirk with Honorary Conch Certificate)
Does my cat think I’m purring when I snore?
politics-zone-750w
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from the right
Deer Friends we are in an extremely important time in our history for both Florida and our nation.

scott-bumper30At our State level, we must keep Florida moving forward. That is why I am supporting the re-election of Rick Scott for Governor. Governor Scott inherited a financial and management mess from the previous governor. Governor Scott has proven he can get things done.

Coming from the private sector, it took him some time to learn the state government system, but he has reduced unemployment, created jobs, brought many new businesses to Florida, lowered taxes, balanced the state budget, is simplifying our state government, and has increased the quality of our education system by cutting overhead and increasing teachers’ pay. He has actually put in place a program that will permit a student to earn a baccalaureate degree for only $10k. That program is in place at all 23 state colleges. In contrast Crist, when Governor, allowed college tuition to increase up to 15 percent every year.

At the national level, we all know about the gridlock in Washington.   We have approximately 230 plus bills passed by the House which are stuck in the Senate and have not come to the floor for a vote.

The Republican Party will hold the majority in the House and gain the majority in the Senate, but not without your help and your vote. When that comes to pass we can change the gridlock in Washington.

Legislative bills will be negotiated and passed, and then sent to the President. Think about it, we could actually start a complete new approach for the legislative and executive branches to come to agreement on these bills. We will be able to return to civility in our legislative process with respect for the minority party. This will afford the American public the opportunity to see if this Administration can negotiate common sense solutions to our nation’s major problems, such as our changing our current immigration policy, developing a real plan to secure our borders, developing a real energy policy for fossils fuels, solar and wind, addressing the loss of millions of manufacturing jobs due to our current trade agreements, reforming our current combined federal and state average business taxes (at nearly 40%, second only to Japan in the OECD countries), making adjustments to the Affordable Health Care Act to make it user-efficient and cost-effective, reviewing and changing our current federal tax system to reduce special interest tax breaks and to give tax incentive to creating jobs in America, working on a plan to secure the future of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, and finally implementing measures to reduce our national debt.

0carlos-curbeloSharkTank-250x208That’s why I’m supporting Carlos Curbelo, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Congressional 26th District of Florida. Carlos has proven his ability to get things done and work across party lines as evidenced by his record on the Miami-Dade County School Board. He is from the private sector and knows how regulations and taxes affect small businesses. He knows how to define problems, develop solutions, and most of all, how to implement the solutions for real results to solve the problem.

I hope you all will consider both of these candidates next week when you go to vote. With your vote we will realize real results with common sense. Thank you and God Bless America.

Thanks and a tip of the FTR fedora to Doug Walker for authoring the foregoing.