Sunday, May 19, 2013

The Coconut Telegraph

Anonyomous letters to the editor with pictures

The Original Unsocial Media

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an_fly_fisherman6

 

Flats fishermen are not rip off artists as someone accused. They are prima donnas who think they own the water and know more than anyone else. When’s the last time you had a flats fisherman wave hello to you as you passed each other or say hi you you at the boat ramp?

 I have a beautiful house for sale in Eden Pines. Please watch this Video. ~Nira Tocco

[Insurance Increase] To the agent that thought something was missing, trust me its not!  800% increase is correct for my situation. I bought a ground level home in Key Largo on March 11th of this year. It is zoned AE-9.  My home is elevated to 5 feet thus 4 feet below the 9 foot base flood elevation. I am eligible for the pre firm rate as my home was built prior to 1995. My premium is $1300 now. However, effective October 1st I am no longer eligible for the pre firm rate and have to be on a post firm rate since my home was purchased after July 6, 2012. The premium will be $9189 plus the estimated 6% rate increase !  This will be effective on my renewal date March 2014. Not only does it affect me but also those trying to sell their homes as the buyer will be subject to the post firm rates. Those who were in their house before July 2012 will be grandfathered and can keep the pre firm rate but will be subject to a 16% increase each year until it equals the post firm rate.  No one will be able to sell a ground level home unless a cash buyer does so, as they will not have to insure their home. This in turn will bring down all homes value not just the ground level ones.

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[Salt] When Lewis and Clark finally reached the Pacific Ocean the first thing they did was run across the beach and scoop up some some water to dry and make sea salt with.  They had run out of salt and were tired of eating unseasoned meat and veggies.

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[Censorship] Naja and Arnaud Girard and school board member Andy Griffiths neutralized Key West the Newspaper from reporting on any adverse school district goings on.

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Coconut Telegraph statistics for the week of May 12. Original Content 179
Copy Pasta 94
Public Service Announcement 7
Cancer 7 

Impressive ratio of original posts to the copy/paste crowd. Nice job guys! Thought we might be cancer free this week but some people can’t help but mention he-who-shall-not-be-named.

Post of the week award goes to the Peacock poem on Monday, nice to see you are still with us. We’ll be sending you your prize as soon as we can figure out what it is.

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[Oral Popsicle] The first contestants to ever get a zero on the Gong Show. Chuck would have given them a twelve. Alright! Alright! Alright! Video

[Insurance Increase] The agent who commented saying the 800% flood insurance rate was not possible also is unaware that after July, 2012 the grandfathered rate and increases do not apply.

This house is their primary residence and yes, their rate went from 1300 to almost 10,000. Their agents didn’t know it either. It won’t be announced until Aug 1 for the Oct 1 increase. I don’t know why they are hiding this from the public but they are so that is why I am trying to let everybody know so they don’t buy a house with hidden inflated costs that they aren’t aware of.  We need to get the word out, contact our representatives in Florida. Even though this is a Federal flood insurance, Florida let this happen. 

caution light an[“Florida sets traffic light timers to less time on yellow lights”] I can’t comprehend how this is possible, and no one is addressing Tallahassee about this with outrage. This act alone is clearly a violation of our rights. I would go as far as to label this act as a conspiracy and illegal entrapment. We need to voice our opinion and demand that this illegal act be corrected by Tallahassee, at once.

What the hell is wrong with you people? It’s not enough that we’re paying close to $4 a gallon for gasoline? It’s not enough that food prices are getting higher and higher? It’s not enough that our insurance rates (in general) continue to creep higher and higher for no apparent reason? Isn’t it enough that we’re actually paying for the irresponsible spending of our money by our sold out politicians in D.C.? What is it going to take for you people to wake up, and yell out, “Enough is enough God dammit!”

Are you aware of the financial results you will suffer for getting a ticket for passing a red light, will have on your pocket and on your record, and on your insurance rates? WTF, man.

It’s quite evident that no nation, especially ours, has ever had the intention to create a society with law abiding citizens. It seems that when laws have actually worked to lower the percentage of criminals in our society, all of a sudden the government creates new laws with the intention to increase the percentage of criminals, and create laws that can easily be broken, so that only the government, and not us, will benefit from this act alone. Yet, we will be the only ones suffering these consequences. Not the politicians, or judges in Tallahassee, or in our cities and counties. Not off duty cops. No! Just us!

We must all remember that these people who set these laws of entrapment are there to protect US. If they do not meet their obligation and trust, that we put upon them, then we must take them out of office! It is crystal clear that both, the Democrats and Republicans, continue to sell us out. Yet, they continue to convince the die-hard nitwits that can’t think for themselves, and must keep glued to FOX NEWS, CNN, MSNBC etc., to believe that the blame game is the true and real reason for what’s going on. C’mon man, I’m so freaking disgusted. Free the sheeple! 

You Might be a Redneck if: – You failed to meet the dress code at the fairground.
– Your fishpond used to be your hot tub.
– 3 of America’s Top 10 Most Wanted are at your class reunion.
– You’ve experienced “road rage” on a riding lawn mower.
– The stripper at your bachelor party was your fiancée.
– You have a dozen license plates on your garage wall, but none on your truck.
– Your wife’s idea of “dressing up” is wearing a bra.
– You’re teeth are visible in your silhouette.
– Your local funeral home uses a U-Haul trailer instead of a hearse.
– Your sweet sixteen party was also your parents wedding reception.
– Your screen door keeps more bugs in than out.

btman129

 

 

Batman fetish.

[Arm Teenagers] The 19 year old girl that got shot by the police officer yesterday was shot because the bad guy was holding her in front of him. We all need to be armed and ready to defend ourselves. The bad guys have guns, we should too. Nobody is going to come in my house and shoot me or my wife because I can control my lights and make sure I win. The cops usually show up when all the shooting is over.  Your choice.  Maybe they will just shoot you. 
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an dance too fast[“If I had an 8 foot crocodile in my yard I’d shoot it too”] I could not finish reading CT before I got to read from two “saviors of family” defending the killing of the croc.

Long before you brought your New Yawk accented aas down here, there was a ton more wildlife in Florida.  Gators, crocs, snakes, bugs, coons, possum, rabbits, pigs, deer… When the age of turning dirt into concrete hit (1970s and 1980s), there was an influx of northeast city slickers in search of suburbia who came to florida for the weather and wiped out much of native Florida east of I-95 to the Glades. And now you have found those of us who ran to the Keys to get away from you. I propose rather than approving of the killing of what was here before you; you choose to leave this place that just ain’t really for you.  

I mean really, why are you choosing to raise your kids in a place known for bars, booze, buds and debauchery anyway? Why does paradise have to change itself because you chose to breed?  Move to place that is safe – the kind of place that has everything you want.

It’s not that I mind that you moved here, it’s the attitude that this place would be better “f”and the “if” suits you. I’d rather have a croc around my house rather than someone’s kid who is being raised to kill that which may — but has yet to — be a danger to anyone.

Fanci Seafood will be closed on Sundays until August. Everyone have a great summer!

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[Smartphone]I tried to charge my smartphone from the car’s lighter hole and fried my phone’s battery. Make sure your chargers are of the same rating as the wall charger that came with your phone or you could do even worse damage.

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[Renewable Energy] I saw an interesting quote recently.  Here it is: ” We are like tenant farmers chopping down the fence around our house for fuel when we should be using Nature’s inexhaustible sources of energy – sun, wind and tide.   I’d put my money on the sun and solar energy.   What a source of power!   I hope we don’t wait until oil and coal run out   before we tackle that.”  ~Thomas Edison, 1931 

[“Flats fishermen are rip off artists”] I take exception to that remark. I am a flats fisherman and I don’t rip off a damn thing. I don’t go near another boat or jet ski unless they are in the way in a channel and I have no other option. I have seen people on the water that have no clue. All you have to have to get on the water is money and common sense does not come standard with a jet ski or boat.

The most dangerous thing that I see over and over is people take off in their boats or jet skis without looking to see if someone is coming. Would you pull out on the highway without looking? The other thing is to look before you turn in any direction. Finally it is not ok to blast your boat or jet ski near another craft on the water, that is plain and simply bad manners, not to mention, dangerous for both parties.

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[Passhole] A Florida driver in the far left lane going slow and speeds up when you try to pass them.

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As the Moon waxes toward full it pairs first with Spica, then Saturn. (The Moon is shown three times its actual apparent size.)

Uh, oh! Jehovah Witness’s celebrate Saturday as the Sabbath and don’t work. Coconut Telegraph doesn’t print on Saturday. Ed, You aren’t out knocking on doors and going to church on Saturday are you?

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an_allejuela

 

Deer Ed, you have a leak on the CT. The religion comments are seeping to the top of the fold.

Oh lord, someone is using Sandy Downs (crazy lady for sheriff)– Drug test my husband and kids Keys Energy conspired with Sheriff to kill her son. Worst tree work ever witnessed in Key West. Just look at corner of Grinell and Southard for proof tree her company cut. It is easy to spot. It’s that really ugly one! You can tell it’s summer now. ~jimbohunt@ymail.com

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[Flood Insurance] I paid flood insurance premiums on my home in Eden Pines from 1985 through Wilma in 2005. Wilma presented me with 36 inches of water in my downstairs storage.  I made a flood claim and – eventually – an adjuster (from Kentucky no less) appeared.  We introduced ourselves, he asked if I had my flood policy?  Yes.  Please don’t shoot the messenger he says, please read section #8.  

This isn’t sounding good.

Downstairs storage isn’t covered as it’s not living space, it’s not a basement (not below ground).  Sorry for your losses, thanks for your call, I’ll be on my way, have a nice day.

I cancelled my flood policy about 20 minutes later.

800% increase!  Right.  Central Florida is a nice (high) place to live.  Come on up, as that’s where I am now. Welcome.  We have high hills and room to live here. No flood insurance required.

an_homer-sperm

 

What if you were born in space? Seems Author C. Clark had it right with his Space Wheel design. Video 

[“Insurance — All ground levels will see an increase this coming renewal. 10% if its your primary. 25% increase if it is not your primary home”] If they are trying to make the premiums indicate risk, why would a primary vs a secondary be different risk when it comes to flood insurance?

If you choose to live in a high risk area, you should be paying the premiums. Quit expecting the government to bail you out wherever you live.

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[Zipline] Marathon council gives final approval to zipline. Link

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[Insurance] Baa,Baa  fellow sheep,  we are serving the almighty powers that have firmly captivated the whores that make the rules that they have so graciously steered through the hallowed halls of congress with their generous gifts of bales and bales of filthy lucre and perks and favors of all stripes and colors and accompanied by a set of rules that only a lifelong bureaucrat with the morals of a professional predator would understand. Have you noticed after they have, ever so thoughtfully and tenderly, explained to the flock how such a law is protecting us poor sheep who have really no idea how to go about his existence without such guidance? We always have to increase our fees, etc.  for the guidance that these degenerate leaders bestow upon their sheep.  

I own a decent piece of property with a mortgage on a decent canal. The land is worth at least twice what the mortgage is. The modified trailer I live in if I ever sell this property would be immediately bulldozed. I couldn’t sell it for a nickel, yet the banker tells me that the law (see above explanation) requires me to insure these boards and cheap fixtures for thousands of dollars, where in reality 100% of the money is in the land that the old trailer sets on. I would sign any agreement gladly that would state in the event of wind or flooding I would agree to not receive a dime for this shack. If this isn’t collusion between the insurance companies and the banks I don’t know what is. The only way to keep these thieves out of my pocket is to get out of this damn money grubbing state and see if I can find one where I can at least live in some semblance of sanity. Or else may I so humbly ask , where are our noble fighting legislators when a poor fellow needs one? They told us at election time they were fighting for our cause … sigh.

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an_goldfish_jump

Last night, being Saturday night, I gave my goldfish a bath. 

baby-smoking2[My Next Life by Woody Allen] In my next life I want to live backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then, Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I rest my case.

Help Wanted. Bees Honey Pots is looking for driver. must speak English. Good driving record. No drugs. Classified Ads > Help Wanted

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[Insurance] “The bank who now owns our house of twenty years just sent us a notice that they bought windstorm insurance for one year for $12000.” I am sorry you are losing your home after 20 years but the bank always owned your home, as you had a mortgage. The bank will protect its interest in your house if you do not have insurance.  It is called “forced placed”.  They are not in the insurance business they are in the banking business, that is why the policy is so expensive.  They want you to get your own insurance.  If you are trying to save your home it is in your best interest to go back to your agent and get a policy from Citizens.  Their premium will look a lot better then $12000.  Advice to the readers, if you have to mess up an insurance policy,do not let it be your wind. If you have a problem contact your agent right away. The only policy that must be paid in full is flood, most others have payment plans, depending on which company you have. If your wind has expired more than 45 days there is a “no prior surcharge” that can cost you up to $700 extra on the first year, depending on time lapsed. Also there is a 30 day wait.  Hence another month of paying the forced placed insurance. 
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[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Psychiatrist’s bible changes” DEF: Psychiatrist n, An unstable who thinks he knows better than the unstable he is analyzing for lots of monye from unstable insurance companies who know nothing of the unstable world. This is unstable!

How can any human being write a book that dictates who is mentally stable or not? Given there is a level of expertise through observation, what guarantees the observer, the doctor, is himself stable. Look around and see who you think is stable or has problems then look into the mirror. The old saying, “If the world was full of criminals, an honest person would be the nut!”

Where are the real world symptoms such as, Parallel Parking-ism, K-Mart Shopping-ism, War is Good-ism, Too Many People-ism, Holy-ism, Workaholic-ism, I want to be President-ism, Happy Hour-ism which reminds me, your time is up. Shall we continue our session tomorrow? $250.00 please!

“BEFORETHE NEWS.com” Here is the kind of web site that will ruin the WWW.  All BS and spin crap. And people are sheeple enough to believe. Link

“Powerball” Would it not be a better idea to have lotteries limited to a maximum amount of 5 or 10 million dollars or much less. The half billion plus lotto’s are nuts. You can buy some countries with that kind of money. What if a terrorist won and no one knew it until the money was out of the country?

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religion politics zone

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[Scandals] The progressive answer to these scandals is more rules and regulators, more agencies and safeguards and accountability projects. Republicans should recognize this intervention for the ridiculousness it is – creating more federal entities to watch over federal entities – and focus their arguments instead on the only solution which will actually work: removing power from the federal government and returning it to the states or the people. The only way to ensure that government doesn’t abuse a power is to make sure it doesn’t have this power in the first place.

Reynold’s Law:  What politicians control they will use against you to get what they want.

[Pat Robinson’s Sunday Message] So your husband cheated on you! Well, remember,he’s a man. be blessed! Video

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Fired IRS Commissioner Steve Miller said in response to tough questions from Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Tex.) that he did not believe any IRS information on the conservative groups was shared outside the agency. “That would be a violation of law,” he said. “I would be shocked if that happened.” Later in the hearings he also said that he didn’t think it was against the law. And the audience gasped!

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[Scandals] President Obama is embroiled in 3 scandals. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Amateur.” ~Conan OBrien

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[Kickbacks] Why is it that every time I read about spending very large amounts of tax payer money on some off-the-wall project down here the first word that comes to mind is kickback? 

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We have read on here time and time again how our President is responsible for the employment numbers. We’ve seen the outrage and have watched point fingers at democrats every time the unemployment numbers went up 1/10th of a point.

Who can we point fingers at now that unemployment rates are lower in 40 U.S. States the most since November? This clearly shows that the job market is improving. We would all love to give the credit to Rick Scott im sure but it wouldn’t add up.

The economy has added an average of 208,000 jobs a month since November. That’s why the American people voted for our President. A majority of us didn’t and wont buy the chicken little sets doom and gloom in every bit of great news for our country.

Americans didn’t vote for a handout we voted for jobs. Not rhetoric.

[gun Nut] Ok true story circa mid 90s New Orleans battle zone highest murder rate per capita in country. Nice Asian family grocery near irish channel 2 blocks from st Thomas project. weds nite fall around 8,30ish 2 armed masked black guys early 20s pull guns on owners son. old man sees from cameras in office walks out with legal semi auto bennelli riot gun drops both armed robbers dead where they stand, his son and family biz fine he unharmed. Just wondering did that make him a gun nut? By the way his biz did not suffer even a little from the incident. we lived four blocks other way so had front row seat to media circus and protesters complaining when he was not charged. Guns work and very well. 

welfare19[Welfare] These 11 States now have more people on welfare than they do employed! Last month, the Senate Budget Committee reports that in fiscal year 2011, between food stamps, housing support, child care, Medicaid and other benefits, the average U.S. household below the poverty line received $168 a day in government support.

What’s the problem with that much support? Well, the median household income in America is just over $50,000, which averages out to $137.13 a day.

To put it another way, being on welfare now pays the equivalent of $30 an hour for a 40-hour week, while the average job pays $20 an hour.

The destruction of America is happening right in front of our eyes.  Where are you going to move to when it crashes?  Russia? South America? The Middle East? Mexico or Cuba? Australia is just as bad. Canada?  There’s no where to hide, sofix it now!

The gun problem solved by Logic In 1863 a Democrat named John Wilkes Booth shot and killed Abraham Lincoln. In 1963 a registered Democrat named Lee Harvey Oswald shot and killed John F. Kennedy. In 1968 a Democrat named James Earl Ray shot and killed Martin Luther King.In 1983 a mentally ill registered Democrat named John Hinckley shot and wounded Ronald Reagan.In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung-Hui Cho shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech.In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 others.In 2011 a registered Democrat named James Holmes went into a movie theater and shot and killed 12 people.In 2013 a registered Democrat named Adam Lanza shot and killed 26 people in a school. One could go on, but you get the point, even if the media does not. Clearly there is a problem with Democrats and guns.Mr. Obama and Mr. Reid.Logic dictates it should simply be illegal for Democrats to own guns.

FROM THE RIGHT

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an autopsyHeeeee’s back! Thanks for the kind words, they are really appreciated. I had complete knee replacement surgery in Ft. Lauderdale a week ago Thursday. The Doc checked me out of the hospital on Sunday, and we immediately returned to the rock. I got rid of the walker on Tuesday and now only occasionally use a cane. I started driving yesterday. The Doc who did my surgery has also replaced both hips and my right knee. He is the absolute best, if you want to know his name or learn the truth about the recovery from joint replacement surgery, contact me via my e-mail address.  Those who have had joint replacement surgery know that the first few days after surgery are uncomfortable. As of this morning (Saturday) I’m feeling pretty good and ready to get back into the fray.

I really wish that I had been in better shape by last Friday so that I could have really assessed the shit storm that fell on Obama and his crew last week.

Part 2. I remember that not too long ago a poster was bitching that the Republicans were out of order for demanding answers to the Benghazi horror story. Some echoed Mrs. Clinton’s infamous “What difference does it make!!!”  Deer Friends Obama’s choice of action spoke volumes about his character, and his cowardice. Our enemies around the world are soaking it all in. As the hearings have progressed we’ve learned that the Benghanzi security staffers and the Ambassador himself begged for more security. Even faced with those facts, Team Obama  attempted to blame the entire affair on what they called “cuts in funding” imposed by the Republican Congress.

There is no truth in that assertion. First, According to the fiscal year (FY) 2013 Congressional Budget Justification Department of State Operations, overall funding for embassy security funding programs has increased sharply over the past decade. Indeed, Worldwide Security Protection is more than double what it was a decade ago. Despite reductions from budget peaks in FY 2009 and FY 2010, both budget lines are higher than in FY 2008.  Total funds for Worldwide Security Protection for FY 2012 are estimated to be $94 million higher than in FY 2011, while Embassy Security, Construction and Maintenance is estimated to be $61 million less than FY 2011. Together, there is a net increase.

Even if there had been a dramatic cut in spending for Benghazi security, Team Obama flat refused to go to the aid of the beleaguered embassy when the begged for help.  Look, we knew where Obama and Clinton were during Bin Laden assassination, we know of each and every little nuance of the decision making process. But, we know nothing about the their whereabouts or their actions when our nation was under attack at Benghazi.

Second, In testimony before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, Charlene Lamb, a deputy assistant secretary of state for diplomatic security, was asked, “Was there any budget consideration and lack of budget which led you not to increase the number of people in the security force there?”

Lamb responded, “No, sir.”  For those of the left field community allow me to translate: The official in charge of assigning security assets to all of our embassies and specifically to Benghazi, testified under oath and that funding cuts had not a damned thing to do with the debacle.

Recall that Lamb is the person who denied requests from the top diplomatic security officer in Libya to retain a 16-man team of military personnel who had been protecting diplomats. Team Obama made a calculated decision to cut Benghazi security. They made that decision for political reasons.

The Democrats wail that the Republicans are making the tragedy “political theater”.  Deer Friends, It is political theater scripted and presented by Team Obama.

At  the time of the tragedy we were only a couple of months away from the election. Obama and his cronies had specifically chosen to keep security levels very low in Libya. They inessentially bragged that they were defeating AQI and it’s clones. They wanted to have a “light footprint”.  They did this in spite of warnings from their own intell and warnings from other nations who had chosen to abandon their Benghazi legations solely because of the manifest danger presented by AQI and its clones.

The decision to actually reduce security to suicidal levels certainly came from Obama through Clinton. It is the President only who sets our foreign policy and the façade that we present to our friends and enemies. Months before 9/11/12 Obama decided that it was vital to his campaign that he project to his American audience an aura of victory and over the Muslim fundamentalists. At the same time he was  determined not to suggest to the fundamentalists that the USA was any kind of threat to them.  At nearly every opportunity he puffed that Bin Laden was dead and that terrorism was on the wane.  Bin Laden is dead, but terrorism is increasing.

And so, the fact that Muslim jihadists easily and successfully defeated his security  forces in Benghazi and then  wounded many and murdered 4 Americans was a horrible political message to put before the American voters.  Obama, et al, had to do all in their power to prove that the assault was not jihadism, but rather was nothing more that the uncoordinated anger of a mob. I would suspect that if the voting public knew then what they know now, the vote count would have changed substantially.

But that is history, it now is essential to get right to the very heart of the who, the what, the  where, and the when of the Benghazi mess so that we can prevent a repeat of the murders and our ongoing national humiliation.  Benghazi is not going away, it is getting deeper and deeper. The committee has begun closed hearings into the matter. One of the first witnesses will be Admiral Thomas Pickering. Hang on, it will be a bumpy ride.

Last week Obama disrespected the Marines by requiring them to hold umbrellas to shield him and the Turkish PM from rain, he chortled that the Marines could bask in the reflected glow of him and the Turkish PM. I believe his smarmy comments will show you his soul.  He demands that the Marines “have his back”. But, he refuses to reciprocate. Check it out for yourself. Link

miller19Part 3) Honestly Deer Friends have you ever seen the level of  hubris and disdain for the public that was shown last week by ousted Director of the IRS,  Steven Miller. When when faced with the revelations that the IRS had routinely used it’s 800 pound Chicago gorilla tactics to attack Obama’s enemies and to grease the way for Obama’s friends with the IRS. Miller characterized the IRS’s practices as nothing more than “foolish mistakes” and “bureaucratic failures.” Much more on this in the very near future. In fact high level Obama apparatchiks knew of the targeting of conservatives as early as 2011.

Glad to be back,  Respectfully submitted: FTR@bellsouth.net