Saturday, October 10, 2015

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-Coconuts

Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays

national politics an(Click here)
wood-paddle[Mystery Paddle] This was found here on Big Pine Key, It could have been moved here from anywhere.  It looks like a cooking tool (I put the sunglasses next to it for the perspective). It’s tight grained and heavy. What do you think? Where should I go next for more information? Any info would be helpful.
Fathom is a new kind of cruise that combines your love of travel with your desire to make a difference. Link
flea-market15The Big Pine Flea Market has a new website! It’s finally here. Our new website is up and running. Please check it often, it is changing with new pictures of all the vendors. Last week we had people shopping for items they saw in our pictures. The flea market is open Saturday and Sunday 8am till 2pm. So many of us spent the summer inside our houses with the ac on that it’s time to get outside and visit our friends and neighbors at the market. It’s the social event of the week on Big Pine. The fresh tomatoes at the flea market were the best tomatoes I have had since spring. My new dinner menu every evening now consists of red bell peppers, zucchini and yellow squash. Fresh green onions top every meal. We get to eat healthier meals now.  http://www.bigpinefleamarket.com/
[The Wife Zone Chart] Everything you need to know about dating or using science to explain women. Video
coconuts-drive-thur-sign

 

Coconuts’ Drive Thru Liquor store—open late–real late!

[Confiscate Guns] Consider what happened in Australia. At the cost of $5 million, the honest gun owners were forced to turn in their guns. Their government promised crime would be reduced. Check the results, homicides up 6%, assaults up 9%, armed robbery up 44%. Yes, that’s right — 44%. All independent studies show that increased gun ownership in the hands of honest citizens has decreased crime. Do you trust your government?
Yeah, I know, no national politics, but you let FTR comment. How about me? (Ed: Your post wasn’t about national politics although it is a national topic. Issues and politics are somewhat different. FTR can post what or where he like because he pays me $19.95 a week and he is the foremost conservative voice of the Keys! Got twenty bucks?).
Mosquito-Man[“It came from outer space”] Those mosquitoes are the product of the bug guys who are feeding them grow bug juice to make them the size of your cat and drive you out of the Keys so the junta can get you land for cheep.
[Bubba System] If the local government is corrupt who can you call to turn them in? Seems they take care of their own and that is not the correct way to run things anymore.
women-fishing-gag-grouper-beauty[Fresh Fish] Restaurant owners around here say the reason they serve frozen fish from other countries is that business in a tourist resort is boom or bust. They buy fresh fish at exorbitant prices expecting a large crowd of people and no one comes and the fish goes bad. I understand that, but I think it would be to their advantage to just buy a small amount of fresh local fish that they are sure they will sell and if they run out tell the customers that. And ask them if they would like the frozen fish substitution. Eventually the restaurant will have a reputation for fresh local fish and their business will grow. I’m sick of tourists complaining about the frozen fish they are served. The restaurateur should be ashamed too.
Is there a way besides a direct note to the owner, to correct things wrong with these local restaurants? Some places need to be shut down and others cleaned once a year needed or not. Some just are very dumb the way they run things. A section on this blog might help called Complaints. (Ed: The CT used to be called Kudos and Whiners for that reason).
waffle8

 

[Waffle House] Y’all’s, looka what they got here at the ‘ol Chez Domicile d’Waffle.

[The Caribbean’s Most Dangerous Cruise Stops Will Surprise You] So you want to go on a cruise eh? Link
tape-over-webcam

The first thing I was told to do with my new laptop and cell phone was to cut a small piece of electrical tape and put it over the camera lens and the microphone holes. Then shut them off in the OS. It is getting scary out there!

[Ungrateful Bastard] I gave a less than prosperous neighbor a laptop I did not need anymore. He turned around and handed it to his seven year old who then proceeded to bitch and moan about how old it was (only three years) and tossed it on their kitchen table. I picked it up and left, never again will I give anyone anything in the Keys!.
bloody mary

 

$50.00 for a Bloody Mary in Tahiti! I’ll never go to that brothel again.

[TV88 Needs Your Assistance] It is hard asking for money – but in order for us to do what we need to do, TV88 needs the assistance of The Florida Keys community. Please click here and watch a 5 minute video. Link
eyeball rolling

I had a plastic lens put in to my eyeball for a contact fix. Does anyone else who had this done, have pain with this? It hurts slightly constantly, but more so when sleeping on it. Can they remove the lens if need be?

If I win the lottery for lots of money, can I keep it all by starting a church and become non-taxable? (ED: Yes, but you’ll need two acres to do that on in Monroe County. Amen, brother.)
pill container[All Drugs Have Nasty Side Effects] New research shows that statin drugs that are very commonly prescribed to lower cholesterol are stem cell poison and will effectively prevent your body from normally regenerating damaged areas. The result is premature aging. I initially got this information from Health Sciences Institute and then researched more on my own. Dr. Chris Centeno, M.D., a regenerative specialist says “the drugs hurt the mesenchymal stem cells so that they could no longer differentiate into bone and cartilage cells. Statin drugs also increased the aging and death rate of MSCs and reduced DNA repair abilities of the stem cells!” Dr. William Douglass III, M.D., who recently passed in his mid-nineties has for many years strongly discouraged the use of statins and said that you should not worry about total cholesterol below 300. Higher than that, address the cause rather than the symptom. (What a concept!) Your body needs plenty of cholesterol. If you don’t have enough, your liver (if you still have one after some time in the Keys) will produce it.
That 790 foot cargo ship that sank off of Jacksonville lost 33 crew, but were there any passengers and what was in the containers? Can I keep one if it drifts onto my property like square grouper?
judge mad

The difference between the U.S. Supreme Court and the Ku Klux Klan is the members of the Supreme Court dress in black robes and scare white people.

[“Davits”] We stored a boat hanging on davits for nearly 10 years. It would still be there, but we sold it.  Also I never had to clean the bottom of that boat!
nipple two

 

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.

To the individuals who want to tap in to the No Name Key electricity in order to connect their sewers without paying – f**k off! You didn’t pay when you had the chance, protested the electricity until the cows came home, vandalized the electrical poles with graffiti, and dissed your neighbors both in court and on the streets — now you want free sewers? Please! If you can’t afford to live in the Keys in the 21st century – move.
camping pitch tent

[Bow Channel Campground] I lived there from ‘74 – ‘77. Although John W kicked me out, I stayed his friend for years after.  The Bow Channel Campground was definitely a most bizarre trip!

[Sewers] I think I finally found out what the geniuses who pushed the sewers on us wanted to accomplish–and it’s monumental! They are taking all the crap in the lower Keys, piping it to a central plant on Cudjoe Key, cleaning it up a little and then dumping what’s left into the area waters via shallow wells. Bottom line: Instead of all these individual drain fields leaching into the ocean at different places, we now have one big concentrated drain field, the shallow wells leaking this toxic crap into Cudjoe Bay. Great plan! You have made Cudjoe Key the official a-hole of the Lower Keys. Give yourselves another raise.
bonefish8

Bonefish are great cat food if you grind them up and cook them down to galosh. Ask any of the local eats joints.

No pedestrian signs as well as all the thousands of stupid signs, lines, and lights the highway department is sticking up our tax-paying-asses is the laughing stock of Florida. Whose brother-out-law is making all the money? Who is paying Billy-Bob’s Barricades for the useless barrels times millions of barricades per day? If the yellow lines get any wider (to use more $$ paint) there won’t be enough roadway to drive on. Just what the Keys need, more grass to make more mosquitos and more overtime for the grass cutter and prisoners to sweat over. We need a new state government that is on our side of the wallet!
GENERAC-60-Kw1GENERAC-60-Kw-3

 

[Generator] 60 Kw Generac NG. 60 Kw  natural gas generator with sound enclosure. Year: 2000. Hours: 570. Model # 20A02611-S. Serial # 2057792. Single phase. Volts: 120/240 60 Hz. RPM 1800. Excellent condition. $6,500. Direct questions to Robert (786) 202-1174

My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can’t see the mailbox when she’s backing up.
pope-guns
[Fluoride] Common fluoroquinolone (FQ) antibiotics like Cipro, Levaquin, Avelox, Noroxin, Floxin and Factive are known to cause mitochondrial toxicity which can result in peripheral neuropathy. That’s the pain, numbness and weakness typically felt in your hands and feet from nerve damage. An FDA study in 2013 confirmed this danger but they have kept quiet about it. The nerve damage and pain can be permanent! At the first hint of trouble, cease the prescription and hope it’s not too late. I got the alert from Health Sciences Institute. I have always tried to avoid these because they are fluoride based which is insecticide and hazardous waste. Whose bright idea to put it in toothpaste or drinking water?
potty9

 

Potty time.

Outdoor cat becomes indoor cat from hell, but Animal Planet cat behaviorist saves the day with catio from Cats On Deck. Video
trump-flag[The Art Of The Deal] Like him or not, one must admit Trump has a way with deals. When Trump purchased and rebuilt Mar-A-Lago the grand mansion and estate In Palm Beach, Florida he got into a dispute with the city, who are well known for being strict on zoning regulations. Trump put up a 50 foot flag pole, even though 30 foot is the maximum allowed. The city imposed a 1,000 dollar fine per day. While Trump and the city argued back and forth. Finally when the fine had reached 120,000 dollars Trump proposed a solution. He would donate that amount to veteran’s organizations, would move the flag and pole to a different location in front of the mansion and would only use a 30 foot flag pole. The city agreed.

Trump then brought in a company who does golf course construction, had them build a 20 foot high grassy hill and put a 30 foot flag pole on top of that. Thank you Mr. Trump for flying our flag high and donating to our veterans.

muslim10
[To Cuba From Key West] Mamby Travel is next to McDonalds on North Roosevelt Blvd in that little professional plaza, upstairs. 305-735-4824. Flights leave Friday and return Monday. $625 for everything included hotel with Mamby Travel.

My friend said Mamby Travel sucked. The guy failed in his promises to deliver the tickets and was more interested in his artistic ambitions than travel reservations. She said to use the Coffee Plantation on Caroline Street instead.

Also Hank Allen through the Coffee Plantation on Caroline Street between William and Elizabeth Sts.

Acme-Catalog
[High Costs] I just paid $1.61 for a 1.86 ounce “nickle” Snickers candy bar.
Edith-Macefield-Refused-To-Sell

 

[Stubborn Old Bitch] Edith Macefield refused to sell.

[The Husband Store] A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store only once! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. ‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’ So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. ‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking And Help With Housework. ‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Gorgeous, Help With Housework, And Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the   sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The   first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

future9

 

[The Future Is Now] Painted in 1930, this picture of the future got it right except for the cigarettes. Oh wait, maybe she’s smoking pot!

[Crooks] I just paid Duncan Ford $157.98 for a key to my 2010 pickup. $29.95 for the key; and the remainder to make it work.
geek laptop

 

The next meeting of the Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this morning, Saturday, October 10, at 10 am to noon at the Senior Center.  Hope to see you there.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] DEF: Computer n, A oversize Cell Phone that recycles you into nothingness.
DEF: WiFi n, A system to unite all information into one massive diseased electronic monster.
DEF: Hard Drive n, A small device that contains your whole existence and other useless data.
DEF: Mouse n, A rodent. A electronic device that cripples your arm.
DEF: Monitor n, A brain washing screen of useless information and porn shots of your ex.
DEF: Web n, A spiders snare. A electronic snare to grab and control you.
DEF: Digital n, A means to convey information that someday will include people.
DEF: ATT n. American Trailer Trash
DEF: Bullet n, The only thing more valuable than gold.
DEF: Gambling n, The art of removing money from fools.
DEF: Vegas n, The NWO Disneyworld without the dignity.
DEF: Con n, A person who tricks people into giving money but winds up in jail as one.
DEF: Art n, A dysfunction non-productive useless eater.
DEF: Dance n, A dysfunctional non-productive in gym class.
DEF: TV n, A lighted box that brainwashes your wallet.
DEF: Music n, Rhythmic noise serving no function except the makers bank account.
DEF: Lottery n, A ridiculous game played by fools.
DEF: Sex n, That which stops after the magic words ‘I do’ are spoken.
DEF: Fungus n, A nasty growth in bathrooms and rednecks teeth.
DEF: D.C. n, A place for the non-productive to tell the productive how to give them money.
DEF: Prostitute n, SEE: D.C.
DEF: Bank n, A place that gets free loans from fools to make themselves rich.
DEF: Stocks n, SEE: Bank
Story-Telling
Submit anything but National Politics to island@bigpinekey.com

national politics an(Click here)