Saturday, June 20, 2015

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-Coconuts

Since 2002. Published Wednesdays & Saturdays

Submit anything of a positive nature, unless it’s breakthrough stuff to island@bigpinekey.com
(Ed: Although all advertisers’ contracts have expired I’m still going to display their ads for free until they get used to the new CT. Hopefully they will all want to keep advertising.)

Bark_Ship[Yellow Fever] In 1865 the bark Adventure arrived in Key West in distress. Four of her crew were sick with yellow fever and sent to the Marine Hospital for treatment. The fever spread to the Army troops on the island and began an epidemic which caused 331 cases with 71 deaths among the troops and an unknown number of cases among the civilian population.
[Big Pine Key Arrests] County and federal agents raided a house on Avenue D Thursday morning, leading to five arrests and the seizure of an ounce of cocaine, as well as marijuana, pills and drug paraphernalia. The search warrant was served at 31036 Avenue D, Big Pine Key at 6:15 a.m. The five people at the property who were arrested were: • Jacob Sterling, 32, faces charges of trafficking in cocaine, possession of marijuana, possession of a controlled substance, possession with intent to sell Oxycodone and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was also charged with a local warrant for violation of probation and a New Jersey warrant for failure to appear in court on drug charges. • Nicholas Donofrio, 61, faces outstanding warrants for three counts sale of cocaine and three counts of use of a two-way communications device to facilitate a felony crime and one count possession of drug paraphernalia. • Naivis Meulener, 33, faces charges of possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia. • Michael Hendricks, 41 faces charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. • David Lamaster, 58, faces charges of possession of a controlled substance.
wall of fire[Bonfire] Leave it to my friends in Norway to come up with such a crazy party. And this has been going on for years. To see the world’s biggest bonfire you’ll have to visit Alesund, Norway, where wood pallets are stacked over 131 ft high on an artificial island. The occasion? Sankthans, or ‘Midsummer’, an annual festival in commemoration of John the Baptist’s birth. The day is celebrated on the 24th of June (around summer solstice) in Scandinavian countries and other parts of Europe. In Alesund, the traditional bonfire, known as Slinningsbålet, is taken to the extreme. In 2010, a record was set for the tallest bonfire at 132.71 ft. The previous record was124.14 ft set in 1993. The base of the structure is approximately 65.6 ft wide. About 30-40 people partake in the build, and to light the structure someone must climb to the top to ignite it. If the fire doesn’t burn from top to bottom things could end badly.  Video
I would like to add to the transportation list in the Business Directory. Florida Keys Private Car LLC. License # 47147-114492. 305-872-9414. Business Directory
1940-Sharknose-Graham1940 Sharknose Graham.
[Cuba Policy] Next for us to do is to get rid of the wet foot–dry foot policy that allows Cubans to come to America to make money and accept welfare with all its fringe benefits. Send them back!
diving snorkle mask smA 65-yearold Texas man died Thursday after surfacing from the wreck of the Spiegel Grove offshore Key Largo. At some point old people have to realize they are too old to dive safely and to call it quits.
[Junk Food] McDonald’s plans to close more restaurants in the U.S. than it opens this year, according to the world’s biggest hamburger chain. That hasn’t happened since at least 1970.
sushi11
Due to the arrest of our local cab driver there may be a coke shortage this weekend. Police have been at the house on Ave D all day.
jackplate2To the guy looking for opinions on whether or not to install a jack plate; I hate to break it to you but the question is much too complicated for a forum like this.  The variables are way too many to list.  Things like, is the hull stepped at the transom, how much water do you draw, how much do you want to draw.  What kind of prop are you using, are you willing to change props, do you have a low water pickup on the lower unit, etc. etc. You need to visit a high performance shop.  Maybe Boys and Their Toys on Cudjoe Key would be a good start.
Before I retired, I ran a very busy warehouse. But,every Friday at noon I would put on the “Aloha Joe” internet radio show. As long as I got the orders out,the owner was ok with it and the whole workplace vibe was totally cool!
Here’s the song that started it all. Link
beer11 

[Topless beer can] An idea whose time has come.

[Procaffinating] The tendency to not start anything until you’ve had a coffee.
coconut--windshield 

[Life in the Florida Keys] My friend bought a cherry VW camper and couldn’t take it at the time (we were drinking). When he went back the next day to get it the windshield was smashed by a coconut from above.

If you’re good at BS-ing others, then all it means is that you rarely hang around people who are smarter than you.
rats22 

[Rats] At least 20% of the world’s food is contaminated by rat and mice feces each year. At least 20% of the world eat rats & mice each year. Fair is fair.

Cuban evolution. Link
wtf11The international hand symbol for “What the f**k are you doing!?”
[Blue Angels] This footage is of the “slot man” in the Diamond formation, toughest flying due to wingtip vorticies, etc. when he “smiles”, he is pulling some serious positive/negative “g” forces. Notice the rest of the formation in the reflective goggles. Notice all the grunting slot is doing during high ‘g’ pulls. Keeping his blood from heading south. Footage courtesy of the U.S. Navy & the Blue Angels. Ever wonder what “pure awesome” looks like? Wonder no more. Video
bill-bc5
[Pet Peeves] 1.You must carry a bag to pick up dog poop- how can you pick it up if you don’t carry a bag?

  1. Do not leave your dog’s poop in a bag in a neighbor’s yard (Yuck!).
  2. If you don’t want your home to have fleas and stink- Wash Fido at least every two weeks.
  3. OK you have a BFD or maybe a pair of them, don’t send a small person to walk them or it- no way can they hope to maintain control if they get aggressive- kind of like walking a Lion and hoping for the best.
  4. Do not bring your dog to meet my dog without asking.
  5. We are spending millions if not billions on a state of the art sewer collection plant. What makes you think your dog’s poop doesn’t matter ? (DUH) It hasn’t been treated it just lays there on the ground with it’s hook worms, round worms and tape worms, waiting for the next rain to wash into the canals.
  6. If your dog howls or barks all day its not ok – find a solution- or better yet give it a new owner that knows how to train it.
  7. 8.If you can’t use a leash for holding your dog, don’t put my dog in danger. My dog is a member of my family and I don’t want anything to happen to him.
  8. 9. If everyone was responsible I wouldn’t have to write this and you wouldn’t have to scroll through it
naacp-rachel[Eat Your Heart Out Rachel Dolezal]The white man who pretended to be black! In 1959, white author John Howard Griffin underwent treatment in order to understand what it’s like to be black. His life would never be the same again. Link
[Key Deer And Cat] When color or species doesn’t matter. Video
sea-horse 

Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

[Islamorada Song]”Recently a New Jersey singer/songwriter John Kasper asked me to put together music video for a song that he had written called “Islamorada”. I have incorporated some of my photos of Islamorada and this is the final version. I hope you like it.”This is the biggest crock of shit. How do you pronounce Islamorada? Why don’t you write a song about New Jersey. All these kinds of songs sound alike. Boring. Video
Iguana-leash[Service Iguanas Anyone?] I had a feeling this service animal thing would get out of hand. New ADA rules may only protect dogs and miniature horses as service animals due to progressively more people buying bogus Internet-based National Service Animal Registry credentials to declare their pets as service animals Link
[Citizen’s Arrest] As a SUV approached with a man driving and a woman in the passenger seat, I saw them start struggling physically. He reached over with his right hand and was pulling at her, his arm was on the left side of her face and neck, it looked really violent. As they passed me, she rolled the passenger window and begged me to call 911. The SUV reached the intersection and turned right, me following on foot, and the SUV pulled over and parked. I walked to the passenger side of the SUV and told the woman to get out of the vehicle, get away from him. I was calling the cops. She said he was law enforcement, she wasn’t getting out. Call 911. He got out, walked behind the SUV and sat down on the curb, pulled out his wallet and showed me a badge. I told him I didn’t care if he was a cop or not, I was calling 911. Which I did. When the dispatcher answered, I handed my cell phone to the woman and told her to tell the dispatcher what was going on. The woman said she could not do that, she loved him. I closed my cell phone, said I had terminated the call. I went over to the man and told him I had seen him roughing her up. No, he said, they were wrestling over her cell phone. He did not rough her up. He had known her since they were in 9th grade, he had never roughed her up. His story might have been true, they could have been wrestling over a cell phone, I said, but I saw his hand and arm on her face and neck. No, I didn’t see that. Yes, I saw that, but I was doing something for him cops had not done for me, I was giving him a pass because she would not talk to the 911 dispatcher. He got up and walked to her side of the SUV and started giving her hell, verbally. After a while of that, I told him to separate from her. Which he reluctantly did. Then another fellow came up, whom he recognized, as my cell phone was ringing. I saw it was coming from a 305 area code, I figured it was the cops. I did not answer. He said the fellow just arriving was a cop, I figured a friend of his wife. Plain clothes, perhaps off duty. The new fellow went over and started talking with the woman. I called the number back, it was the police station. I said, yes, I had made the call. I told what I had seen, but the woman would not tell the dispatcher what was going on, so I terminated the call. Who was I? It doesn’t matter, I said. Where am I? Not going to say, I said. But we need to see the woman, that she is alright, the caller said. She’s alright, I’m here looking at her. She is not injured. I’m signing off, I said, and did. The man said the cops would come, they have GPS, can find where we are. Please don’t leave, he needs me to say what happened. I said I’m waiting on a bus to take me to Cudjoe Key, will someone take me there, if I stay? He said he didn’t know how that would happen. I said, then I’m not staying, and here is my bus coming now, come with me. I took a goodmorningkeywest.com business card out of my wallet and scribbled my name and phone number down on it and handed it to him as I got onto the bus. I was not called later. Maybe the cops did not come. He was a Florida Fish & Wildlife officer, not a regular cop, but F & W are law enforcement officers nonetheless, can make arrests, put people in jail.
adam eve pair 580wIt must be really boring in heaven, is something that keeps coming to me. Maybe the Christians and Muslims and whoever else is looking forward to the afterlife, figuring their pleasant room, or house, or castle, or estate there is already assured, might wish to consider they are going to be really bored when they get there. I figure Eve was really bored, and that had something to do with her eating that thing she was not supposed to eat. Well, she probably was a lot less bored after she ate it. Thus have we mused, again, why everything is so screwed up on this planet, but boring it is not.
[Random Knowledge] If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish have no brains
Polar bears are left-handed.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
mangrove-munson-maze00[Jack Plates] I will share this with you, my friend. Learn the waters  forget the jack plate. I will also share my 2 rules as a long time Piner and Captain. Rule #1: Never go anyplace fast you haven’t been to slow. Rule #2: Never approach a dock any faster than you want to hit it. I feel very strongly that if you learn the waters and follow these 2 rules you will enjoy many years of back country fishing & exploring. The back country is the only place even to consider a jackplate or if your hell requires a 20″ shaft and you have a 25″ shaft.
I saw a girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off so I rolled down my window and threw my beer can at her.
Pontiac-Scorpion-1961
[Senior Discounts] Dunkin Donuts gives free coffee to people over 55. If you’re paying for a cup every day, you might want to start getting it for free. For the complete list: Link
dinosaur hunting[Dinosaur Prank] What a great costume. Just in time for FantasyFest. Video
[Crook] Florida Keys marina owner and former Islamorada mayor Michael Reckwerdt, 47, the owner of Flamingo Air of the Florida Keys lnc., Rent-A-Boat lnc., Robbie’s Charter Enterprises Inc., Robbie’s Marine Enterprises Inc. and Robbie’s of Key West LLC, failed to pay the proper income taxes from revenues generated from some of those businesses
1bp swim hole00

 

The Big Pine Key swimming hole should be a passive park. As for the cost of clean up, the folks that allowed the whales to be put there should pay. It’s that simple. The buck stops there or I should say –starts there.

[Oldies But Goodies] Like where the hell did the years go? This oldie really is an oldie, but always great to watch. Lost In The Fifties Tonight is a 3 minute video slide show, and worth the time it takes to watch it. If you lived during the 1950s you will recognize pictures and not need captions (since there are none). A little nostalgia, some good memories. Video
bill-sewer5
NOAA’s Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary has named fishing guide Will Benson as an alternate on its advisory council. Benson fills the fishing – charter flats fishing guide alternate seat, which represents flats fishing guides throughout the Florida Keys.
ftr from the right 75h
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Submit anything of a positive nature, unless it’s breakthrough stuff to island@bigpinekey.com