Saturday, July 25, 2015

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-Coconuts

Since 2002. Published Wednesdays and Saturdays

Submit anything of a positive nature, unless it’s breakthrough stuff to island@bigpinekey.com
(Ed: Although all advertisers’ contracts have expired I’m still going to display their ads for free until they get used to the new CT. Hopefully they will all want to keep advertising.)

national politics an

wetstock11--9.6.15

 

Wetstock 11 is coming again on Sunday, Sept. 6 of the Labor Day weekend.

[Ask Professor 010101] “My OS is Vista Home and I cannot uninstall IE9 to get back to the old IE8.”

Dear Cro-Magnon Man, There’s a reason for that. You’re like the Luddite who is against change. There are no Amish computers. Great real. Today’s modern OSs are so far superior in every way that using an old version is foolish. Don’t be a baby, quit you’re whining and learn how to work Windows 7 Pro or the new Windows 10 (you’ll like 10 from all I’ve read). They’re both full of choices and can do anything. Don’t be using a 6 volt lead-acid battery in your car when a 12 volt system is so far superior. And don’t use eight year old anything on a computer of any sort. This isn’t vinyl verses analog we’re talking about. Cheesh!

dead-bird00[Name That Bird] What kind of bird is this, or I should say was. I thought it to be a cormorant, but the white tail feathers threw me off.
[Joke Friday] A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen from the store. The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches.”
The judge then asked her why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked, “Just how many peaches were in the can.”
She replied, “Nine, but what do you care about that?”
The judge patiently said, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long suffering husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, “Yes, what do you have to add?”
The husband said, “Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas.”
cape-fl-lighthouseDuring the Second Seminole War in 1836 a band of 50-60 Indians attacked the lighthouse at Cape Florida (Key Biscayne) killing the handyman and crippling the Keeper. This is his account:”On the 23d of July last, about four P. M., as I was going from the kitchen to the dwelling-house, I discovered a large body of Indians within twenty yards of me, back of the kitchen. I ran for the lighthouse, and called out to the old negro man that was with me to run, for the Indians were near; at that moment they discharged a volley of rifle balls, which cut my clothes and hat, and perforated the door in many places. We got in, and as I was turning the key the savages had hold of the door. I stationed the negro at the door, with orders to let me know if they attempted to break in; I then took my three muskets, which were loaded with ball and buck-shot, and went to the second window. Seeing a large body of them opposite the dwelling-house, I discharged my muskets in succession among them, which put them in some confusion; they then, for the second time, began their horrid yells, and in a minute no sash or glass was left at the window, for they vented their rage at that spot. I fired at them from some of the other windows, and from the top of the house; in fact, I fired when ever I could get an Indian for a mark. I kept them from the house until dark …” Link
Warning if you get sent an email containing an attachment that says it is a recording of Kanye West singing Bohemian Rhapsody do not open it. It is Kanye West singing Bohemian Rhapsody!
funyet20Looks like Captain John is getting ready to take another fishing charter out on the FUNYET.
DOCTOR: How many alcoholic drinks do you consume per week?
ME: Good or bad week?
DOCTOR: I’ll just put down more than 5.
teapot23[Sloan: “The only defense he has against me is that he insane”] I can’t be the only one who sees the irony of a man whose life is run by voices in his head calling another guy insane?
[“Wounded Warriors work at killing the reef”] That’s the first thing I noticed in that picture too. Sitting on the reef –Yikes!  The first rule of diving is the buddy system. The second rule is don’t touch the reef. I guess they forgot to tell these military veterans. I’m sorry about his prosthetic leg, but that shouldn’t make neutral buoyancy a problem. Nobody had the nerve to tell him not to sit on the reef. For every piece of coral he planted, he probably squished ten pieces. Mote Marine lab was part of this project. They are on the front line of saving the reefs. Oops. The photo was on the front page of the Key West Citizen on Wednesday. A bad example for novices and irresponsible reporting by Tim O’Hara with the Citizen. Let’s all go sit on the reef!
deer_puppy_43kKey Deer on Cudjoe will be very welcome because we need the meat and my dog loves sex with those tiny thingies. Then we can swap them for Key West chickens, right?
Now that we have embassies in Cuba and Washington, does that nullify the wet foot dry foot rule? I certainly hope so.
reef-crossingThis guy just drove across the reef looking for a parking spot, I guess.
[Canals] As someone who looked at homes in Eden Pines over 10 years ago when I bought my house and would not even consider buying a house there because of the dirty, narrow and stinky nature of the canals, I hope all you short-sighted folks keep resisting the efforts to clean them up. It just makes my house on a wide, clean, deep canal with quick access to open water, worth more, and if I should ever decide to sell (which I probably won’t) it will be much easier to sell than the homes on those dirty canals.
Use your brains. If there is help available to clean up those filthy canals you should jump on the opportunity. It won’t likely happen again. Altering the water flow anywhere in the Keys is not something that the environmentalists or government allows to happen and this is a unique opportunity. In all honesty, I would love to see those canals cleaned up. It is good for our island.
And to the rocket scientist who wants to cut down the mangroves, that is one of the few things that filter the canals, gives a place for spawning to occur and provides a habitat for hatchlings to grow. There is a reason it is illegal to just cut them down.
The canals in Eden Pines are a disgrace. Septic systems drain right into them as well. I imagine the same folks who oppose the canal restoration, oppose sewers that will likely have as big of a positive effect on lower Keys water quality as if we could shut down ‘big sugar’. Keep up the good work to keep your property values down.
[Coconut Telegraph] What a great job. You had me laughing out loud. Please keep up the good work!
walk dog on leash[Rules] It is the Monroe County law that any animal has to be on a leash no longer than 4 feet. Those yoyo leashes are illegal and if I trip over some nitwits leash I will own them.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. Usually at family gatherings where she threatens me if I don’t look happy.
diselDiesel boats sure do pollute.
You have to watch this hilarious, sweet little lip-syncing Christmas song.  Wait for the bass ‘singer’ – he is an absolute riot-he’s also round! Video
russian dancer[Russian Dancers] Only watch if you are completely sober or it’ll wreck your brain. Video
[Fiasco] Fl Department Environmental “Protection” Engineer Maier, recently  testified that “surface water quality in the Florida Keys was not a concern of the DEP in their permit review of sewer plant permits. He stated that he had training that ”was to make permit processors aware of the areas where it may become necessary to dig deeper and find more information….The Keys was an area where it was not on our target lists of areas to be concerned about [surface water quality].”Yet in1 994 court case the Judge ruled: The ability of the nearshore waters of the Florida Keys to withstand additional degradation from sewage treatment practices and stormwater management in the Florida Keys has already been reached or even exceeded. Not only does the evidence support a finding that the nearshore waters cannot tolerate the impacts from sewage treatment and stormwater from additional development, but it also supports a finding that existing sewage and stormwater from existing development in the Florida Keys is degrading the nearshore waters at or over its carrying capacity.
The limit of the nearshore waters of the Florida Keys to dilute and assimilate nutrient pollution without visible signs of degradation to the structure and function of these waters has been reached. . . .
Problems in water quality currently being experienced in the Florida Keys threaten irreversible consequences to the marine ecosystem of the Florida Keys. It may have already reached a stage where the degradation is not completely reversible. . .
The Florida Keys marine system is headed toward a collapse which will completely and negatively change its character.
Removing a source of nutrient pollution is the single most effective means of improving the quality of the nearshore waters in the Florida Keys.
The ability of seagrasses to withstand the impacts of additional development are linked with the quality of the nearshore waters in which they are found.
Nutrient levels in the nearshore waters of the Florida Keys have already been documented to exceed those levels which have been found to cause critical eutrophication and death of seagrass beds.
Whenever and wherever seagrasses have been studied in the Florida Keys, the impacts of the degradation of the nearshore waters has been observed.
Due to the levels of nutrients in the nearshore waters, seagrasses in Monroe County no longer have the ability to assimilate the impacts of additional development. They have reached their carrying capacity.
If nutrient pollution is allowed to continue, causing a further decline in water quality, the overall marine system will decline in its ability to withstand the impacts of episodic stress such as a hurricane.
The longer the situation is allowed to last and worsen, the more difficult it will be to recover seagrass beds from nutrient pollution.
Monroe County Chowder & Marching Society , at paragraphs 404-424, pages 72-74.
jellyfish jar[Jellyfish] Lanacane First Aid Spray is the best thing for jellyfish stings. Speaking of jellyfish, what kind are at the reef now? They are about 3-4″ tall and totally transparent. They resemble sort of an inverted pear, but when touched seem to fall apart and look like a wet Kleenex. I haven’t felt any discomfort from their stings
The Left’s systematic castration of the American male. Link
Pre-Batmobile
End of the world is not nigh after all (it’s been pushed back till 2100): Scientists use computer model to predict how quickly resources will run out. Link
You-Had-ONE-Job!You had one job …!
I am reading Kurt Vonnegut’s Bluebeard; f**king hilarious in places, no prisoners, he sort of reminds me of Mark Twain’s wit, but more untethered, or no tether at all – tether to Earth. Like, maybe, Vonnegut might be saying to start probably any of his novels, “Greetings Earthlings … ”  “Grab your best hold …” All of your sacred cows are gonna die, I’m gonna see to it in this here story.I think it was around the time I just by chance, it had to be chance, for if it wasn’t, to steal a line from Bluebeard, it would cause people to think there was something bigger than them in charge, I was in Darwin, Australia, in 1995, reading a memorial to Charles Darwin, after whom that town, almost a city, had been named, that’s how I came to know of that; well, that’s when I dawned on me that old Charles had it turned around backward; to study, figure out, where humanity is headed, simply study the monkeys and the apes; a view I held until, yes, another pure coincidence, until my stupid mind was corrected by someone kindly sending me this photo on Facebook.
fish24Indonesian farmers introduce fish into their water-laden rice fields in a process called rice-fish culture. The fish droppings act as fertilizer, white the fish eat any insect pests and improve oxygen circulation around the field, increasing rice yields by up to 10%.
[Development] Remember a while back I predicted that Pritim Sing desired to ‘Cape Cod’ the Keys. Stop & think, the Key West golf course–Pritim’s project, the ruination of Duck Key, thanks, Pritim. And now he wants to do the same to Knights Key. Needless to say the two county commissioners who live in the City of Marathon will get the third stooge, (the Nuevo Gang of Three) who control the county. Three to two always wins. And we’ve been made aware that whatever the Nuevo Gang of Three want they vote to make sure they get their way, no matter what. That’s how the Lower Keys got voted to get a cheap, experimental sewer system to ‘protect our environment’.
llama-birth 

Hello!

[More Bar Wisdom] Why am I still up? No wait, better yet, why am I still sober?
tape24 

[Paint Tips] If your tape is old and won’t roll without peeling, place it in the microwave for 10 seconds. Tips and tricks to ensure a perfect paint job. Link

I hadn’t scanned my PC with Malwarebytes for a long time and in 43 minutes it detected 43,378 unwanted programs that were easily removed. None of them were threatening.
bike24 

Possibly the coolest bike ever created, the 1959 Bowden Spacelander.

I’m retired and still living in New Jersey, which is not easy. That’s why I shop at Aldi. It’s a lifesaver for me. The water around here from the Manasquan Reservoir is terrible, so everyone uses some kind of filter for drinking/cooking water. I use one of those big Brita pitchers. The filters are $15.99/3-pack and one filter is good for a month. Now Aldi has Crofton brand replacement filters for $6.99/3-pack. YAAAY! Every little bit helps you know?
Redneck-Pool-Heater 

Redneck pool heater that you can cook burgers on.

[Land Giveaway] The grinder pump easement agreement leads one to believe they are only asking for a 5 foot easement, but it is actually a 10 foot easement because it is measured from the center of the pipe 5′ to each side of it.
banjo24
KW police are getting body cameras this Monday. That will be better for all of us. No more,”He said, she said.”
Danny-DeVito 

Danny DeVito before assuming his round shape.

[Lobster Mini Season] Get ready Keysers, the lobster mini season is upon us this Wednesday and Thursday. Local boaters beware of idiot lobster monsters!
evolution-hair

 

Three million years of evolution and we only lost a little hair.

[The Benefit of Silence] My desire being to gain knowledge at the same time that I improved in virtue, and considering that in conversation it was obtained rather by the use of the ears than of the tongue, and therefore wishing to break a habit I was getting into of prattling, punning, and joking, which only made me acceptable to trifling company I considered silence a virtue to be pursued. ~Ben Franklin
rainbow-crosswalks66kI told people back then that I thought it was not a good idea to put the rainbow striping there, that Bahama Village long predated the gay community in Key West; it might cause resentment. For a long time there has been resentment in Bahama Village toward the Key West Police Department. Perhaps the rainbow striping was the last straw? Perhaps Bahama Village, which has been docile a long time, is starting to protest in a way that is very difficult for KWPD to do anything about [phony 911 calls] if the 911 callers buy cheap cell phones for cash and then throw them away right after making the fake 911 call?
[Greetings from Cuba] I’m sorry not to be able to write more often, but I have been working tirelessly since six weeks ago. It happened that I’m managing the private business of a friend while he is in Ecuador, therefore I must divide myself to do my work and others. I hope you are well. These days my father is with us, luckily helping me at work. My father helped me repair the bike and I can theoretically cycling to the beach and go swimming. Now I need to get organized and find some time to do so. The heat is unbearable here in recent months.

We want to buy a small house 3 blocks from the main square in Trinidad where we can let rentals and set up our small business. It is much money, we are now tallying, my father lend me some money and other friends might, so Maru and I are like crazy these days. She is also working hard. We are working almost as if we lived outside of Cuba — get up early and stay late, then I’m at night also working at home, but does not alow me to meet other commitments. Time is stressful, sometimes exhilarating and sometimes I am tired.
On my reservations website, Cubahostales.com, a year ago I do not work on the page because we had problems with the Yankees’ laws. Now that everything will get better we are returning to the idea to fix everything and start working on it again, but first there are other tasks to comply.
Take care and a hug.
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Submit anything of a positive nature, unless it’s breakthrough stuff to island@bigpinekey.com

national politics an