Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Music Review] We went to see the South Florida Symphony and were totally impressed. Imagine 60 instruments all playing as one! I thought it would be louder. I’m used to rock concerts. Watching and listening to them was truly impressive. We were trying to think of a way for young people to experience this tremendous feat, but it’s mainly the costs of a hundred dollars a show. They’d rather go see a pop star and party.
The founder and conductor Sebrina Maria Alfonso is the star. Her moving around and waving with so much feeling and her wonderful display of body emotions directing the band were compelling to watch. Sometimes she’d be stomping from foot to foot and at others she seemed to be floating in the air produced by her sixty other musicians. It was really visual even though her back was turned and we couldn’t see her face. I would like to see her front projected on the big white backdrop behind the stage. Very visual. There were a lot of sticks going up and down on brown wood on one side, and a lot of longer sticks going from side to side on the other—and Alfonzo jumping around, pointing and waving, in the middle. And the sound. Oh, my.
The featured musician’s violin solo was beyond anything I’ve ever seen played on the violin. I can’t stop thinking about his talent and passion. He was sweating.
I have only seen a symphony orchestra two other times. The first was in the 1950’s when I saw Leonard Bernstein’s Peter And The Wolf and in the 1970’s when I  saw a symphony orchestra at the Hollywood Bowl with Frank Zappa conducting and on screaming electric guitar.
[House For Rent] Located in the center of the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key, this secluded, large 3-bedroom house has two full bathrooms and central air conditioning. Tile floors, stainless steel appliances. Large elevated deck outside the living room. House is on stilts with a full concrete ground floor where the laundry room and the storage/workshop are located. The laundry room has washer and dryer hookups. Impact windows all around mean no hurricane shutters are needed. The house sits on two wooded acres that includes a lovely natural pond. No smokers please. Utilities are not included. $3,000 a month, plus first, last and a $1000 deposit ($7,000 is needed to move in).
For more photos see Craigslist. Link
[“Tourists feeding deer things that will kill them”] That sounds like the number one thing Save Our Key Deer, Inc should be addressing. That should be its number one public promotional effort. Instead of signs just saying “Slow Keys Deer” there should be signs saying “Do Not Feed Keys Deer”. They should have brochures on the counters of businesses in the area.On the subject of the deer, I really don’t get that corridor with all the speed limit signs and slower speeds at night. The deer only really move around at dusk and dawn. The corridor has tall fences and underpasses for the deer, so how is the traffic there any threat to them? In town is another matter or in non-fenced areas, but really, how the heck are the deer getting over 8-foot-high fences? The speed limits in that fenced corridor seem like a bunch of bureaucratic nonsense.

I would also love to see a map of exactly where the deer are hit by vehicles over the years and at what time of day. Those would also be good locations for the deer group to increase their efforts. It would also be something measurable to test and thus promote their efforts as I have no idea what they actually do besides their articles here. You would think they could get free public service announcements on local radio and so forth, but I have never heard a peep out of them. https://saveourkeydeer.org/

 

 

Michelle Wisnewski’s White Crowned Pigeons.  Tuesday’s picture of the white crowned pigeon was taken by former BPK photographer and artist, Paula Cannon.

[Marine Sanctuary] I was in favor of the Sanctuary when the citizens of Monroe county voted against it. They implemented it anyway. 20 years later I’ve changed my mind after seeing that they have done nothing to improve the water clarity or the coral. It’s still dying, and fertilizer is still running off the farmland and into our waters.

I keep asking what they have done. Recently I came across a website listing their accomplishments for the last 20 years. All I could find was that they removed some “chugs”. All I could find  is that their solution to every problem is to close areas, have meetings, and place newspaper ads. They are redundant and a waste of time and money. I think they exist to perpetuate their salaries and have meetings.
The State can control the fisheries.
Reef Relief can maintain the buoys.
Mote Marine can grow coral.
The Nature Conservancy can transplant the sea urchins.
The Conch Republic Navy can clean the canals.
FWS for enforcement
Monroe County can remove old boats.
I haven’t been able to find their budget because it is always combined with all other sanctuaries.

All I care about is water quality and dying coral. Everything else they do is bs that locals can do better and cheaper. I’ve always thought closing popular boating areas was a mistake. They should be “sacrificed”, to some extent, in order to keep those who use the waters gun ho for its protection. Most everyone will instinctively respect those areas and beaches and clean up for those a**holes who do make a mess. That’s how it used to be. If no one uses these areas, we quickly forget about them. My attitude might sound simplistic, but until politics get involved everything usually is simple.

 

Can anyone tell me who owns the Military Cemetery on White St. It seems to be in the Perry Court area, is fenced on the East side of the street. It appears to have some internment and my Wife (Carey) claims that some of her relatives have been interned there. Any help will be appreciated.

[“Don’t rebuild the Florida Keys”] I would rather take my chances with hurricanes and live in the Keys rather than live in Chicago with the highest murder rate in the country. At least we have a warning when we will get hit.
[HIV Positive] Besides sharing needles which creates a blood to blood transfer, the only real way to become HIV+ is to be the bottom in unprotected sex and having a million of those little buggers pumped up your can. Back in the days before the HIV pills were widely available, lots of research was done and studies established that it took an average of 7 anal exposures to become positive. Now, if your thing oral sex, there is virtually no chance of becoming HIV positive unless one has really bad dental hygiene, even if you swallow. A study done in San Francisco of 250 gay males who only had oral sex, resulted in only two of them becoming HIV positive over one year and they both had really bad dental problems. In fact, the virus is delicate and easily killed outside of the bloodstream.
All that being said, don’t worry because I bet you are not at all your doctor’s type for bare-back buggery
[“Fake fish”]  remember when you didn’t even have to ask if the fish was fresh?
[Overfishing & Cows] I want to tell you a story. It takes place in a small pasture in the English country, where everyone is allowed to bring their cattle for grazing. The land doesn’t belong to anyone in particular, so it’s considered ‘common’ land, and you can bring as many of your cattle as you like. Over time, more and more farmers bring more and more of their cattle here to graze, since they can do so without having to take care of the land themselves. However, as more and more cattle graze in this pasture, the land becomes less and less able to support the grazing. And, since cattle are grazing there all the time, the grass that is eaten doesn’t get a chance to grow back, and, eventually, the pasture becomes bare and unusable. Now, this once bountiful resource that was available to everyone has been depleted and is usable by no one.

This scenario describes the tragedy of the commons. The theory states that individuals acting rationally and independently according to their own self-interest will deplete a shared resource, even if it is contrary to the best interest of the group. The individual farmers in our story were acting rationally and independently for themselves, because for them, it was beneficial to bring as many cattle as possible to the free grazing area. But because each individual acted in this way, the group suffered as a whole because the pasture became unusable as the shared resource was depleted. Fishing the Florida Keys is our own tragedy of the commons.

 

[Jesus the Lineman] I guess times are tough all over for everyone. Look who put their Son to work at FPL;  and not even in an executive position.

[“Fake fish”] Restaurants here won’t serve local caught seafood because it’s too expensive they say. Ask the owners of Boondocks why they serve Maine lobster during their lobster fest during our lobster season. It’s about profit not quality. Ask the guy who opened, then closed Billy’s (it’s leased to Tonio’s today), he was trucking crabs he caught on his boat to his restaurant in Hallandale.

 

 

[“Dion’s not reopened with their killer chicken”] Gawd, I miss that crispy bird. I always thought they put crack in it to keep us coming back.

[Neutered Man o’ War] The picture of the Man o’ War someone posted made me sad. Someone has cut off this poor fellow’s testicles. All that was left was a purple bag full of noxious air. He can’t do anything now except fart or run for Congress.
[‘Wasted’ Money] A good example is our very own Recycling Program instituted by Waste Management.  Our regular W/M garbage truck has one man, who drives the truck and dumps all the trash bins (sometimes over 20 at one household if it’s yard trash day).  He is polite and sets the bins back neatly.

Recycling is a different matter and tax dollars wasted.  The W/M recycling truck has two men.  They never have more than one recycling bin (expensive units, paid for by tax dollars) to empty per household.  That truck always speeds down our residential streets.   My recycle bin was left full, though it was out at the street on time.  The driver was too busy speeding to stop for my bin.  Another program gone wrong and money wasted.

[Peaceful Solutions] Men, it’s only when a mosquito lands on your balls that you realize that there is a way to solve problems without using violence.
I wrote that our new sewer system is reducing pollution in our near coastal environment and someone accused me of being a FKAA shill. Not true, just a concerned citizen who did the research and stated the facts. Then they said “why should we bother to spend money to clean up our own backyard (wastewater treatment) when our neighbors to the north in Florida farmland might pollute the water anyway.” Well I guess the answer is “we should do the best we can to keep our own yard clean”. I just want to set the record straight.
I heard that the new signs on each end of Big Pine Key cost $40K each.  Is there a way to find out if this is true?  I hope not, as they are not even lighted signs.  The signs welcome visitors to the most neglected Key in the chain.

With the majority of damage from Irma occurring on BPK, not much has been done to clean it up, really.  The corridor entering from the North is an eyesore – fences down or missing, fences with debris from the storm still stuck in the grids, garbage, construction cones, etc.  Then you drive onto BPK and its full of damaged buildings, neglected lots, businesses for sale and bums.  It would be nice to have some new plantings and/or grass in the median.  I hope I am wrong, but I don’t think anyone in the government is concerned about BPK

 

 

 

[First Oversize Rims] On this day in history: In 1927, Ricky Dale Everclear becomes the first man to put oversized rims on his truck with his girlfriend’s tax returns.

[“Service fee”] The guy complaining about a $2.50 service fee or tickets is way out of line. How are the ticket companies supposed to make money for their service? He wrote that he bought advanced tickets so he wouldn’t have to stand in line. Duh, since when has any lower Keys event had a line? Even our rush hour traffic only lasts twenty minutes. There are no lines here.

 

[Car Show] Sunday will be a beautiful day for our 3rd Sunday “Show & Shine”.  This is the first show of the year. January 19th at the Sugarloaf Lodge, MM 17  Noon to 3 PM. The Tiki Bar will be open and we expect lots of visitors to see the fine collection of our rides. We will be using our new sound system – lighter, louder and high tech (the old sound system is for sale). ~Dick Moody 305-942-1758

[Friday Joke] Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”
Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”
Officer: “OK, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance.  What is this?”
Me: “A car.”
Officer: “Of course! But which one?  A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?”
Me: “I have no idea!”
Officer: “So, you’re drunk.”
Me: “But I didn’t drink anything.”
Officer: “Okay, one more test — Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?
Me: “A motorcycle.”
Officer: “Of course! But which one?  A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?”
Me: “I have no idea!”
Officer: “As I suspected, you’re drunk!”
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question. Me: “So, counter question: You’re driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside.  She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top.  What is this?”
Officer: “A prostitute of course.”
Me: “Yes, but which one?  Your daughter, your wife or your mother?”
AARP January Calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

 

 

 

 

[Eating] Watch diners eat and you will notice that everyone tastes the starch on their plate before anything else.

Sloan is going to be rich as f**k at the end of 2021. Homeless Sloan and perennial political candidate will receive over a million dollars from this family’s potato chip company. Do you think he’ll still pretend to be homeless?
[“Doctor with AIDS”] Really? you are worried your doctor has AIDS? Should he tell you? Well if he is about to shove his thing up your hiney without a condom – then, yes — he probably should. The law requires it in that case. Actually, these days in the U.S., nobody has AIDS unless they are not diagnosed and have been that way for years. There are people who are HIV positive. That is also unlikely these days and a doctor is certainly going to be tested. If one is HIV+, they are taking a daily pill and most are undetectable. In other words, the amount of HIV in their blood cannot be detected by any test. They cannot transmit the disease to anyone. Anyone taking a HIV pill has a full blood workup every 3 months, or if they are really stable, every 6 months. Frankly, most people with HIV are probably healthier than you are. They are certainly healthier mentally.
[“Fake fish”]  It’s been going on for years and all you have to do is walk out to the dumpster and pull boxes, they’re marked form the frozen fish mongers. The new owners of old restaurants know what they’re serving. They know there’s only a few natives left around and the rest of their clientele is like them – from someplace north.

[“350 pound grouper”] What happened to catch and release? Those very large fish are the breeders and should never be kept. They also taste like old shoes

Little wonder that central sewers did not help the water quality. It used to be that your toilet’s flushed water received primary treatment in the septic tank and then  a secondary treatment in the leach field. Then vegetation sucked up most of the fresh water and remaining nutrients.
Now, in the Cudjoe Regional sewer system with about 3/4 of connections complete, the plant receives about a third of what went through water meters. Where did the rest of the metered water go? Irrigation? No. Nearly all of it became raw sewage that leaked out of the many miles of the “cheapest pipe available”. That water is pushed under pressure in through the sewer trench’s gravel and thence into our “Outstanding Florida Waters”. I was told this was intentional and why vacuum sewers were eliminated and a low pressure system installed instead. “We want it to leak out instead of in. Less effluent to treat” Most leaks will never be found. And for this, our water bills tripled, and we paid several thousands extra in construction costs
[350 Pound Grouper Fake Websites] Yesterday when I searched “350 pound grouper” it turned up a bunch of artificial intelligence created websites with different names and the same stories and photos. No people, just the same stories and advertisements. Today the search turned up all legitimate sites as the story must have spread to the mainstream.

 

[Havana Day Dreamin’] Wouldn’t it be nice if the Keys were back in the 1950’s and no developers, holy rollers, NY tourists, and greedy bastards were not here again? Just think if Paradise was Paradise again. Beer = 50 cents. Nobody wore underwear. There were even young girls down here, but no more. All gone with the tide.

[Salad] Never has a man looked at a salad and had the word “succulent” pop into his head.

 

 

[Headline] Some editor has waited his whole career to write something like that.

[“Taking our land”] “The Federal government, influenced by the United Nations, is stealing American land and resources as Agenda 21 Sustainable Development is implemented in all states” Bubba, you all really ought to be more worried about the current administration selling those lands to the highest bidder and that has nothing to do with the paranoia of the Right regarding Agenda 21.

The head of BLM, William Pendley is an outspoken advocate for selling off America’s public lands. In a piece he wrote for the National Review in 2016, he argued that “The Founding Fathers intended all lands owned by the federal government to be sold.” Now he’s in charge of the BLM, which cares for 245 million acres of public lands.

In addition, the government is in the process of taking away your right to comment under NEPA,  The administration announced its plan to rewrite the rules for a bedrock environmental law called the National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA). The administration’s proposed changes are intended to speed up development activities, including on public lands and waters, and would do so by limiting opportunities for public engagement and environmental review. The new rules would also essentially exclude climate change entirely from NEPA analyses.

[“Gay city”] Let us get one thing straight, Key West is not a “gay” city. It is a rich person’s city now. Key West was about 35% LGBTQ back in the 80’s and 90’s when they were fixing up all the dilapidated houses and saving this town.  We also lost much of the population from the LGBTQ community due to Hurricane Wilma destroying large amounts of affordable housing. If you were not here, then no, Wilma did not blow down thousands of houses. On Monday after Wilma was gone and it was a bright sunny day, it pushed water up into Key West from its backside, putting 3 feet of water into mid-town and varying amounts elsewhere.

[“Fake fish”] Wales restaurant fined over ‘misleading’ lobster dish. We need the fish cops in the Keys. Link
[“Spreading AIDS”] AIDS can be caught by any body fluid entering your system. The US Army proved that way back in 1977, but hushed it up to avoid panic.

 

[“Planning to bugger your cute gay doctor”] There are some very introverted sickos who post on this blog. Half can’t read the words, half cannot respond without displaying their twisted frustrations. Scary to think these mutants breed and vote.

[Friday Joke] A woman was looking at herself in a mirror and said to her husband, “I’m getting old, I have some wrinkles, things are starting to sag.  I really need you to pay me a complement.”. Her husband said, “Well, your eyesight is perfect.”

 

What’s up with the dead, overturned reindeer on the Moose Club’s front lawn?  It’s been downed for over a week.  Now the tree is on its side.  Welcome to BPK Moose!

[“Rip off”] Someone is angry for being charged a service fee for buying event tickets online. How does this person think the ticket agency pays the rent? Does he think they do it for fun and pay employees out of their own pockets out of the goodness of their hearts? I’m always surprised at peoples’ disdain for other’s making money when that is the whole basis for our economy. His argument was that he didn’t have to wait in line at the event so he shouldn’t have to pay the service fee. There was no line so he thinks they should refund his $2.50. What’s that got to do with the ticket seller? Is that convoluted logic or what.
[Orchid Society] Our next meeting is Sunday, January 19. Patric Garvey of Grimal Grove is the speaker. The Tamiami International Orchid Festival is the 17th, 18th & 19th. I hope you get back in time for the KWOS meeting.

This year’s annual orchid fair, Orchid Vision 2020,  is March 7 & 8. Please sign up to help. Vern Bloch is our February speaker. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

[Friday Joke] I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.  She said, “I want something shiney that goes from zero to 250 in seconds.”  I bought her a bathroom scale.  That’s when the fight started.
[Tourist Season] When ‘in season’ we don’t have to turn right to turn left across the highway. – How about being able to sleep with the windows open like we used to, before US1 was 24/7 tourists.

 

[Look, Don’t Touch] If I go into a strip joint and stick a dollar bill into the G-string of a stripper I can get arrested for what? Prostitution, sexual assault? I’ll suffer personal degradation, public and pubic embarrassment, some sort of LGTQ bs? soiling government printed currency? or what else the JO’S[?] can think up, right? See what happened when men have the balls castrated! What’s next, banning strippers, movie ‘queens’ and all flesh flashers? Looks like the world’s oldest profession is now in the courtrooms.

[Don’t Like Key West] Friends came to visit from Colorado anxious to see Key West.  Their comments were “Dirty”, “Overrated”, and “What a disappointment”.

Typical key deer, always asking for handouts. Get a job!

I do so miss the Keys of my youth. We may not have been the brightest bulbs in the world back then, but we were geniuses compared to today’s residents.
I went to the Florida DMV to change my address and ran into a massive demand for proof that I was the person on my Florida driver’s license and lived or at least got my mail at the address I wanted to change to. This is thanks to the Real ID Act tracking and surveillance by “Big Brother”. Your new license will contain an RFID chip that reportedly can even be located by satellite. I had no difficulty at all changing my Homestead Exemption or getting a new Voter ID card so this is not about illegal immigrants voting. I also had no problem selling real estate or opening a new bank account. I was also told that fingerprints associated with any professional license expires! How can fingerprints expire? You will need a new set of prints for each license. That new requirement is clearly just another tax. Unless they want to make sure that you have not changed your fingerprints? You have 30 days to change your DMV address, and some of this may take you some time to obtain, so maybe you should check out the list of required documentation now at this DMV link. What To Bring
[“Government taking our land”] It’s called culling and is way overdue. There’s too many mutants breeding too many more mutants; and it’s time to fix it! Better this way than a freakin’ WW3 right?