The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

electrical-current[Labeling Electrical Circuits] On a commercial construction project one time, the specifications called for each electrical receptacle and light to have a number affixed that corresponded to the circuit breaker from which it was powered. That seemed like a great idea, so I got a $15 label maker and a $21 circuit locator and went at my place and a friend’s. You plug the transmitter part of the locator into a receptacle, then use the receiver part to identify the breaker powering it. I labeled each circuit breaker with an easy to read number (no more counting down the panel), then attached a label to each receptacle. Now, if I need to shut down power to a circuit, I don’t need to translate the scribbled, faded description on the panel door to a position on the panel and then try a few candidates until the circuit is killed. I also don’t need to squint at all the breakers to see which one is tripped to the not-on and not-off position if I overload a circuit. Match the numbers and throw the breaker – bada bing! You can also know quickly if two receptacles are on the same circuit if you wish to avoid an overload from, say, using an electric heater and a hair dryer or iron at the same time. Almost any electrician and some home inspectors have the equipment and know-how to do it for you if you want.
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[Zika] If anyone had told me I would agree with the F.T. R. guy I never would have believed it! But he sure is correct and right about the GMM plan to eradicate Zika carrying mosquitoes. The only thing these insects do is transmit disease. Personally I think eliminating them would raise property values. Or does that make too much sense.
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Once again, the world of cosmetic “beauty enhancement” has come up with a new fix for a nonexistent problem. It’s called scrotox, a portmanteau that describes Botox for the scrotum. The UK’s Metro writes it will run you about $3,600. Link

[Corruption Against Animal Shelter] There is another great expose on County corruption and malfeasance featuring our Lower Keys representative (to use the term loosely), Commissioner George Neugent, in The Blue Paper edition for 9/23/16. I loved the summary quotation from our County Attorney, speaking in closed session: “In other words, this was all a setup to give the contract to somebody else.” I think a lot of that goes on in local government, but it is not often brought to light. Check out the full expose’s first installment. Link
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Coconuts has the only real poolroom in the Florida Keys.

Tommie’s birthday party at Sugarloaf Lodge last Friday was a gas. Now that is what the Keys used to be like! Thanks Malinda.
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[Homeless Shelter] If I had to guess, Teri, I would guess you have never spent a night at KOTS. I would guess you have never done any field work and interviewed homeless people who stay at KOTS, or who once stayed at KOTS but no longer stay there either because they are banned for life from KOTS or they do not feel it is in their best interests to stay there at night.

Now Teri, I am not singling you out. I could write much the same open letter to Mayor Craig Cates and to each of the now sitting six city commissioners, aka the magnificent seven, who have no clue what goes on at KOTS, because they have never spent a night there and they have not done the field work canvassing homeless people about KOTS.

Those magnificent seven sit on their lofty perches with their heads stuck far up inside their hind ends where the sun never even dreams of shining when it comes to KOTS. That’s okay, people who sit on high perches are not supposed to have to actually get their hands dirty. They are not supposed to actually know what they are charged by the voters and the taxpayers with knowing anything about what they sit on high and decide. They are supposed to rely entirely on the fox guarding the hen house, who, at last night’s city commission meeting, was SHAL’s executive director John Miller, who is not entirely prone to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about KOTS, so help him God. Nor anywhere close to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about KOTS, so help him God.

In the back up for the KOTS part of last night’s city commission budget meeting is a document allegedly written by John Miller, painting KOTS as a homeless person’s dream shelter, a veritable vagrant paradise. Since John Miller allegedly authored that document as SHAL’s executive director, that means whatever is in that document SHAL’s board of directors backs 100 percent. They vouch for it. It is their document. As if they wrote it themselves.

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One opioid overdose every two hours in South Florida epidemic.

[Big Pine Publix] If you want to fight something like this, you have to beat the BOCC with their own words; like the Comprehensive Plan and the Liveable Communikeys document that was forged several years ago.

This fight has been fought before and won, but it takes dedicated people and a concerted effort. Please feel free to contact me if you are interested in more information. epf@fuse.net

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Happiest day in my life! (that’s me in the background)

Anyone still sell stuff though eBay? The fees are getting out of hand and most of my stuff is no longer worth trying to sell it
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How does a shepherd’s wife know her husband is cheating on her? He Baaaaas in his sleep.
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[Derelict Vessels] Monroe County spends $190,000 a year removing derelict vessels that freeloading jerks leave for the taxpayers to pay. We remove an average of 60 derelict vessels a year. 888-404-FWCC.

[The First Presidential Debate] Monday night was the greatest reality show of all time and one of the most watched TV events ever!
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[The Conspiracy Behind Your Glasses] Ever wonder why your glasses are so damned expensive? Video

Monroe County wants to protect fishing industry. Link
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My buddy just told me Marathon Jimbo got bashed in the head by some dirt bag cab driver. Looks like he’s not going to make it. What a waste of life
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Are you ready for the next meteor shower? Look for the Draconids on Oct. 7th. Radiant point of Draconid meteor shower, in the Head of the constellation Draco the Dragon, near the Dragon’s Eyes: the stars Rastaban and Eltanin. The radiant for the Draconids is highest up at nightfall in early October.

[Big Is Usually Slow] That is probably a good thing. Think of relatively big things that you might wish were slower like a rhinoceros, tornado, tsunami, IRS, or drunken redneck in jacked-up 4×4.
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[Bagels] I saw a sign in the window of the defunct deli next to Radio Shack in Marathon: Marathon Bagels Opening Soon.

[“Sewer yard damage”] Regarding your loss of pea rock. Make FKAA pay for the replacement. I had my driveway dug up by the County losing a good portion of river rock as well as some sod, and they replaced it. Granted it wasn’t Monroe County, but if you complain enough, you may get them to replace yours – especially if it isn’t the first time you complained. Take pictures, retain bills, etc. Good luck.
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[Black & White] I love the way the media puts old images from the 1950’s and 1960’s in B&W to make them look antique. Color was great back then.
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[Fork In The Road] As Yogi Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road — take it”.

[Stuff the Bus] On Friday, September 23rd, dozens of dedicated United Way volunteers distributed over $30,000 worth of school supplies to 15 Keys schools benefiting the over 8000 students throughout the district.

Through generous donations from businesses and individuals up and down the Keys, UWFK was able to give out 5,500 packages of notebook paper, 2,500 boxes of crayons, 7,500 folders, and much more! Supplies are distributed to schools for children who may lack access to the resources they need to succeed in the new school year.

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[Fresh Water Contagions] I just read a report that identified 3 contagions that live in the water pipe slime (bio-film) that grows on the inside surfaces of water pipes. These pipe-slime bugs have been directly identified as causing respiratory infections that put hundreds of thousands of Americans in hospital every year. Not everyone sickened went into the hospital, so the real number of affected is probably millions.
Remember when FKAA would blast the pipes with high chlorine in the summer? It smelled like the old YMCA pool and tasted totally nasty. That heavy dose was to strip the bio-film off that typically grows when disinfecting with Chloramines (Chlorine-ammonia mix) That is what FKAA usually uses. If you didn’t have a filter then you drank that biofilm and a very unhealthy dose of chlorine. But everything in it was probably dead. When water disinfectant kills stuff, it leaves behind carcinogenic “disinfectant by-products”. You drank that, too. FKAA claims the chlorine blast is not needed anymore. Perhaps not, but there is definitely still a slime and tap water is definitely not “the best drink in town” until you run it through a reverse osmosis filter to filter out what you really don’t want. Even the fluoride content is enough reason to get a reverse osmosis filter.
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Personal DNA testing at home is worth looking in to! Link

[Paranoia Strikes Deep] It amazes me how people get uppity about who they will vote for. The really are that dumb to think voting by us peasants matters. This is what is killing this country, stupidity. Big business rules all as does the high end Military Industrial Complex and has for many years.
ribbon5Come to the Big Pine Flea Market this Saturday and Sunday 8 am till 2 pm. Get your sunglasses, reading glasses, tarps, tools kitchenware, shells and souvenirs and more.
Sadly, Larry the owner of the Ben Franklin craft store in Key West passed away at 96 years old. His family closed the store. Codys Discount has most of the contents for sale at really discounted prices. We can never order more, buy it soon. There is so much stuff we are having a tough time finding space to put it so you can find it in the booths. The really good variety is available starting Saturday.
We have enough Halloween costumes for adults and kids to outfit everyone in Big Pine. If you are in the mood to wear a wig, corset, be the naughty pirate, superman, vampire or Star Trek character, we can set you up. We will also donate to the local haunted house, so we welcome any local charities or school teachers to come get supplies. Any Monroe County school teacher is welcome to come in and get craft supplies for free.
All jewelry fittings, pieces, clips, string, wire, elastic and beads are great deals.   We have a thousand miles of cloth and fancy ribbon and puffy cotton balls. Sorry, we already ate all the paste –just kidding!
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[Redneck Humidifier] A cheap humidifier that is cleanable is a large deep bowl of water with a large sponge sticking up and a small quiet fan blowing on it. Works for me!
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What happened to Conspiracy Man? Did he finally get treated for his affliction?
benedict-arnold[Traitor] A hitherto unknown episode of Benedict Arnold’s treason is the insult he offered Tallmadge, and probably some other officers, in proposing to secure positions for them in the British army if they would follow him in his desertion of the American cause. His letter to Tallmadge:

“Dr Sir, As I know you to be a man of sense, I am convinced you are by this time fully of opinion that the real Interest & Happiness of America consists in a reunion with Great Britain. To effect which happy purpose I have taken a commission in the British Army, & invite you to join me with as many men as you can bring over with you.

If you think proper to embrace my offer, you shall have the same Rank you now hold in the Cavalry I am about to raise. I shall make use of no arguments to convince you, or to induce you to take a step which I think right. Your own good sense will suggest anything I can say on the subject. I will only add that the English Fleet has just arrived with a very large Reinforcement of Troops.

I am, Sir,
Your Hble Sert,
Arnold.
York, Oct. 25th, 1780,
To Maj. Tallmadge.”

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Watch what and when you say it. I was talking on the cell phone while my wife was driving and said to my friend on the phone to, Back up his hard drive.” My wife hit reverse and destroyed six trash cans and the transmission. Blondes!
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I was always told that a lot of the bikers on the poker run were doctors and lawyers. Judging from this year’s run, the doctors and lawyers have all turned into old fat guys with ugly tats and ugly women, but the bikes are cool!

[Movies] To dumb broad, “Do you know what’s going on? or is the world just a bunch of sounds, noises and the occasional shape?” ~Dead Set
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One thing about open carry is I won’t feel scared anymore going into a place that allows pit bulls and other sicko owned monsters (fat chicks from NJ too).
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Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Big Pine Key.

[Stun Guns] Where do I find the Monroe County laws for stun guns and pepper spray and other “tools”?
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[Free Zika Testing] The Florida Department of Health in Monroe County has announced that Zika virus risk assessment and testing for pregnant women is being offered in partnership with Womankind in Key West. The service follows Gov. Rick Scott’s direction that all county health departments offer Zika testing at no cost to any pregnant woman. For information, call Womankind at 305-809- 5280
bike-rack-pitteways5-93[Bike Rack] Winn Dixie parking lot question. Can anyone tell this snowbird if they fixed the bike rack in front of the library. You use to stick your bike in the rack perpendicular to the building and your tires stuck out into the parking space. I emailed the developer in February and she said they would turn it 180° so you parked parallel.
$15.00 per hour to flip dead meat. $19.00 PH to clean a house. $30.00 PH to drive a dump truck. $300 PH to sit at a desk and watch your secretary’s butt. $2000.00 PH to mouth off to a Judge! What’s wrong with picture? There’s no mention of taxes, dope, mob or the MIC and these are where the real money is!
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[“The Keys are going, going …”] The Keys as I knew them are gone. Long gone. Big Pine Liquors closing is a like an old oak falling in the forest. Just like all the “old oaks” that have fallen before the new breed weeds that now grow here.

The uncertainty of the old bridges and docks. The funky folks that used to make up the population has given way to the Keys wannabees who have finally inherited their parent’s money or retired from their lives in the north and ruined the Keys. I had a guy in a VW sedan flip me off the other day while I was out walking. Back in the day we waved at each other. Gawd, I hate northerners. How come FloGrowns don’t retire and move to New Somewhere Else up north?

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[Bahia Honda Bridge 1950s] This blast from the past has been brought to you by The “NUT” Coconuts Bar & Package Store, A/C/ Wi/Fi, Great drink prices & the very best Brunswick Pocket Billiard Tables in the Florida Keys. Always free popcorn, open 7 days a week from 7 am to 4 am

[Support The Troops] Help Florida Chapter 1036 find stories/pictures for the Wall of Faces.  The Wall of Faces is a project to put a face/story, with every person on The Wall in Washington.  Virtual Wall of Faces is currently online. Link
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[Retail] When you see a super sale and the item is marked down from $49.95 to $1.50, what the hell did the manufacturer make it for and why was it so expensive from the retailer?
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Interview with Barry Rillera, sideman to the greats. Link

I often wonder about all those empty apartments on the channel on Little Torch Key. 4 or 5 yrs?[?]  What’s the story?
quartet chamber orchestraThe Keys Chamber Orchestra and the Lower Keys Community Choir are looking for new members to perform our Christmas Cantata. Rehearsals begin October 30th; 2:00 p.m. in the senior center on Big Pine Key for instrumentalists and 5:00 p.m. in the United Methodist Church for the singers. Concerts are December 12th-18th. Check out and “like” our new Facebook page: Keys Chamber Orchestra. More info will be added there in the coming weeks.
Confucius say: Man who fix problem with bat only fix once.
Confucius say: Man with pencil work forever
Confucius say: Man with computer will be replaced by it
Confucius say: Girl with large mammaries never forget
Confucius say: Chinese food is good for register
Confucius say: Water, Food, Air all important, words mean nothing
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