Friday, September 4, 2020


Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Masks Protect Each Other] A recent writer claimed that the CDC published a study for WHO proving that masks were not effective. Wrong! the conclusion was as follows:
“The filtration, effectiveness, fit, and performance of cloth masks are inferior to those of medical masks and respirators. Cloth mask use should not be mandated for healthcare workers, who should as a priority be provided proper respiratory protection. Cloth masks are a more suitable option for community use when medical masks are unavailable. Protection provided by cloth masks may be improved by selecting appropriate material, increasing the number of mask layers, and using those with a design that provides filtration and fit. Cloth masks should be washed daily and after high-exposure use by using soap and water or other appropriate methods.”

The site link provided by the writer was to Oye News.

Mediabiasfactcheck.com describes this website as follows:”Oye news is a low factual source that routinely publishes fake news, conspiracies, and pseudoscience. They further promote common conspiracies such as false flags and the New World Order. Add in Aliens and the fact that they designed the site to look like the BBC and you have a one of the kind Imposter/Questionable/Conspiracy/Pseudoscience website. This website does not appear to have a political bias, but rather a strong bias against science in general, and 100% lack credibility on any level.”
Overall, we rate Oye.news a Tin Foil Hat Conspiracy and Quackery Level Pseudoscience website .”

It should also be noted that this this misinformation has been promoted by the Russian News Agency RT.
[California] Where you can take a dump on the street but you’ll get a ticket if you don’t wear a face mask while you do it.

 

Uncontrolled imagination among the uneducated create conspiracies.

[“Old Road Café”] “This area was parking for the restaurant.” What now? It’s called the Key Lime squeeze. Developers will continue to build housing now that the sewers are installed. Who are they building for? The leadership in Monroe County are so afraid of Covid-19 that Key West is half closed.

 

 

[Up Up and Away] Daredevil David Blaine performed his latest stunt on Wednesday, ascending nearly 25,000 feet (7,600 meters) into the Arizona sky while hanging from a cluster of jumbo-sized balloons before parachuting safely back to earth. Video

Why is it called a roadkill and not a “traffic jam”?
Anyone who is against national healthcare has insurance paid for by someone else or they only pay a small part.

 

[Turkey Penis] Ohio woman calls the police because she thought she’d been sold a human penis at the grocery store. Link

[Daylight Saving Time] If we’re being honest, 2020 is the perfect year to get rid of Daylight Saving Time. Just rip the band-aid off while we’re all home, confused as hell anyway.

 

[Hurricane Irma] September 10, 2017, is a day that will always be remembered in the Keys, and this year marks 3 long years since Hurricane Irma devastated portions of our chain of islands. Evidence of Irma’s wrath remains, and these have been 3 years of struggling to rebuild our community. While it hasn’t been easy, most residents have now recovered or are close to doing so. Irma 3 Year Anniversary

[KW City Cyber Attack] A virus has crashed the entire computer system at Key West City Hall, leaving staff with no internal computer access for departmental records and operations and limited telephone service for almost a week. A virus hit the server system on Friday, Aug 28, completely shutting it down. The city’s six information technology staffers have been working since then to completely rebuild the system, which allows city employees to email, receive and make telephone calls from the city phone system, and electronically access and create files, including police reports.

 

 

Some folks don’t know when to retire..

 

A bear enter a stores (I know, it sounds like a Friday Joke)  for quick snacks in California and creates havoc. Video

[Friday Joke] A woman is prescribed male hormones for a rare heart condition and she becomes concerned about some of the side effects. “Doctor, you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places I’ve never grown hair before.”
“Where exactly has this hair appeared?”
“On my balls.”

 

[Bees] Before winter National Parks Service will offer dozens of watermelons to local bee colonies to help give them one last super-mega glucose burst before winter finally sets in. The bees clearly ­­appreciate this. The bees will thank you.

[Evil] First we overlook evil. Then we permit evil. Then we legalize evil. Then we promote evil. Then we celebrate evil. Then we persecute those who still call it evil.

 

 

[Rattle] Turns out it was a marble in the ashtray.

[School Cyber Attack] Florida’s largest school district under siege by cyberattack. multiple attempts to disrupt online education have been made Wednesday morning, following two previous days of cyberattacks, but they haven’t managed to penetrate the district’s servers. Link

 

 

 

If 2020 was a scented candle…

[Friday Joke] Urine Test for Old Men. My urologist’s called and explained that my appointment would now be done over the phone due to the coronavirus. One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test. This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor tells you to get at Quest Diagnostics, and because they’re shutdown too. Directions:
Simply go outside and pee on the front lawn.
if ant’s gather: diabetes.
if you pee on your feet:  prostate.
if it smells like a barbecue:  cholesterol.
if your wrist hurts when you shake it:  osteoarthritis.
if you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: Alzheimer’s.
if your tool gets sun burned, keep rubbing on the sunscreen.
if the neighbor’s wife waves at you, ask her to help with the swelling.

 

 

[“Kitten wanted”] If you get a kitten, please get a recycled one from the Shelter. When I went cat shopping, I interviewed about 87 cats. I shopped for one and came home with two–brothers I didn’t want to separate. Tiger shows his gratitude & Freddie keeps my lap warm.

[Bad Trip] “Marijuana decriminalization vote expected in House” I’ve tried grass and I know how dangerous it is when you think you can drive a few tons of steel down a highway at 70 mph. Forgetaboutit, it’s much worse than booze. Our vehicle insurance rates will go through the roof for sure.

 

 

[Exactitude] Here in Florida, we’re very precise about things.  This is a highway construction sign I saw posted as part of a U.S. Highway 27 project a few years ago.  Notice that it calculates the length of the construction zone to the 1/1000th of a mile.

[“The Phoenicians”] Why does a civilization die? Because they invent war and greed, just like today’s idiots.

 

 

Name that plant. This is a leaf. The plant has white flowers.

[Free Dolphins] Monroe County Residents: Take a break from isolating or schooling at home and enjoy our fun, outdoor, open-air setting! General admission to Dolphin Research Center is free for you through Oct. 15th. Valid photo I.D. showing proof of residency required. Hope to see you soon!  (305) 289-1121 58901 Overseas Highway Marathon, FL  33050.

 

 

[“Summertime in the Keys”] So lucky are you to still be able to live in the Lower Keys. I’m jealous for what I am missing and the silent calm in the back country is what I miss the most. Thank you for your post.

[Friday Joke] War of 1812 at Walmart. Yesterday, I wore my Vietnam Veteran cap to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world’s largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips to “Wally World” to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, I digress, enough of my psychological fixations.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, “Are you a Vietnam vet?”
“No,” I replied.
“Then why are you wearing that cap?”
“Because I couldn’t find the one from the War of 1812.” I thought it was a snappy retort.
“The War of 1812, huh?” the Walmartian queried, “When was that?”
God forgive me, but I couldn’t pass up such an opportunity. 1946″, I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, “Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1946?”
“It was a Black Op Mission. No one is supposed to know about it.” This was beginning to become fun!
“Dude! Really?” He exclaimed. “How did you get to do something that cool?”
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, “I’m not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission.”
“Dude,” he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, “that is seriously awesome! But, didn’t you kind of stand out?”
“Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage.”
The moron nodded knowingly.
“Listen man,” I said in a very serious tone, “You can’t tell anyone about this. It’s still classified ‘Top Secret’ and I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Oh yeah?” he gave me the ‘don’t threaten me look. . “Like, what’s gonna’ happen if I do?”
With a really hard look I said, “You have a family don’t you? We wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, would we?”
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. The lady behind me started laughing so hard I thought she was about to have a heart attack. I just grinned at her. After checking out and going to the parking lot, I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me, he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another ‘deadly’ serious look, I made the ‘I see you’ gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot. And these people vote!

What a great time! Tomorrow I’m going back, wearing my Homeland Security cap. Then the next day I will go to the driver’s license bureau wearing my Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty the place. Whoever said retirement is boring? You just need to wear the right kind of cap.