Friday, September 19, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsAnonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

(Ed: Hi Ho, We will be publishing again on Sunday September 28. See you all then!)
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(Ed: Deer friends, I will be away for a few days and my laptop died and I’m not buying another so I won’t be publishing this Sunday, Monday, Tues, Wednesday and maybe another day or two unless someone up there has a laptop I can use. Today is the last day of the CT for several days.
)
Cousineau-Ad-7.3.14
[Hack Prevention] Apple has tightened its technological security so not even the company can pry into a password-protected iPhone or iPad in a move meant to reassure the millions of people who are increasingly storing vital pieces of their lives on the devices.
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Great Britain will remain great! Scotland independence voted down 55 to 45. The United Kingdom will remain united. Yah! Link
The incredible sale of bacon proves that America is a Christian nation. ~Oscar Myer
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Complaining about a problem without proposing a solution is called whining.
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motorcycle engine montage
That low rumble you hear from your front porch and often inside your homes is from the 10,000 bikers riding in the annual poker run to Key West.
[Friday Joke] One Monday morning, Shane, the mailman, was riding through the neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
“Wow, David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” Shane commented.
David, in obvious pain, replied, “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 o’clock Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing Who Am I?”
Shane thought for a moment and said, “How do you play Who Am I?”
“Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”
The mailman laughed and said, “Sounds like fun, I’m sorry I missed it.”
“Probably a good thing you did,” David responded, “Your name came up 7 times.”
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
[Conspiracy Man] What many Americans seem to forget is that when 9/11 occurred “W” and his cronies convinced the majority of you that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the attacks and had WMDs he was going to use against America. I remember the day my 2 sons were deployed to the Persian Gulf for Operation Iraqi Freedom. While we sat there discussing the war, I told them to be careful and come back in one piece. They both asked me if I thought Iraq had WMDs, and I responded, “No, they don’t have any.” They replied, “Well, what if you’re wrong and they do?” I told them, “Look, I know for a fact Saddam doesn’t have any WMDs, but in the long run we’ll find out who’s right. Just go out there and serve your country and be safe.”It turned out I was right all along, and the American public were deceived from the beginning. Both my sons served 6 years in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The American oil corporations and government are responsible for the destabilizing of Saddam Hussein’s reign as the Iraqi president and dictator. Saddam Hussein ruled with an iron fist and was extremely successful in combating any potential terrorist activity foreign or domestic in endangering his country and government. The Americans invaded Iraq and opened up a can of worms resulting with today’s ISIS situation.

euro rotateThe only reason why “W’ declared war on Hussein is because Saddam had declared that he will no longer make any petro transactions using the U.S. dollar and was going to transact only in Euros. A few years later, Muammar Gaddafi decided that he too was not going to use the U.S. dollar, nor the Euro for his oil transactions, but in fact was going to use the wealth of the African gold standard demanding payment in gold-backed “dinars” (a single African currency made from gold). That was the real cause. The CIA, MI6 and the world banks were responsible for the regime change in Libya and Iraq, but none of these truths were ever headline news here at home.

In the event that both Hussein and Gaddafi refused American Dollars in payment for oil, it would have created a devastating chain reaction towards the U.S. dollar and our economy once all OPEC countries begin doing the same. Surprisingly, shortly after this, the once powerful Euro dollar began to collapse throughout the Mediterranean and Europe. Coincidence?

Both Russia and China have realized that the U.S. and the U.K. want to be the worldwide monopoly of the worlds oil supply. Both China and Russia realize that while the west has control of the world’s oil supply, they will be at the mercy of the west and do not find this idea in their better interests. The result is that all 4 countries are creating these false flag situations including ISIS, Crimea rebels, Vietnam rebels, etc. We are not being told the truth by the corporate controlled media. This will result in an all out nuclear war. The people on earth who are not benefitting from oil riches are the ones who are going to get nuked, just because a bunch of political and banking figures believe it’s the right thing to do for them and our economy. They will be hiding safely in a bunker, while you and me roast as a result of their greed for money and power!

george-neugent9.3.14
[Lacey Act] Armed federal agents raided Gibson Guitar facilities to seize imported woods intended for fingerboards, for the second time in two years. Although no formal charges have been filed, Gibson believes that it is being targeted for their importing of ebony from Madagascar in 2009 and from India this past year. The Justice Department has confirmed that a criminal investigation is under way.
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[Name That Bird] Can someone please identify this small bird? I’ve really got to got a bird book.
[Homeless] Key West should foot the entire bill of sheltering its homeless people. Key West has caused the sheriff and the county government and the county taxpayers and the criminal justice system and the courts a lot of trouble and expense by jailing Key West’s homeless people and sending them to the nearby hospital, just to get them out of sight temporarily. There is no cure for homelessness. It is an integral part of Key West, county and American society. Get used to it. Deal with something you can do something about, if you have the will to it. Build about 1,200 public (Housing Authority) rental units in Key West, which poor working stiffs can afford. Save them from becoming homeless in a city with the highest cost of living in Florida – mainly due to severe over-development resulting in high-priced transient rental units, and mass immigration of wealthy people, many of whom live here only a few months of the year and rent out their homes for top dollar when they are away
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Considering that credit card hackers, ID hackers, and anyone who tries to make their fortune the easy way, why don’t we just give them a job, like 20 years hard labor per crime! No parole or exotic cells either. It would be good for them to learn a trade (like busting rocks) Or we could deport them to countries that take care of such skilled manipulators.Bobby Fuller Four – I Fought The Law
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Thanks for the song
“Lets call the whole think off”. Fred Astaire was great and Ginger Rogers did everything he did backwards and in heels! In this shot they are on roller skates.
How many wives can a Muslim have on welfare in Michigan? Video
[Friday Joke] Four elderly Catholic men and a 60ish Catholic woman were having morning coffee in St. Peter’s Square and it degenerates into a sort of one-upmanship type conversation.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “Well, my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls
him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “Well my son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “That’s nothing, my son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
‘Your Eminence'”
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, “Sorry boys but my son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
The lone Catholic woman sat quietly, sipping her coffee in silence. Finally, the four men give her a subtle, “Well?” look as
if expecting her to give some sort of complimentary comment to them. She puts her cup down and with a clear but steady voice, but with her eyes looking into her coffee cup, she proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim and trim, only 24 years of age, tall, long blonde hair down to her waist, extremely attractive. She wears quite provocative clothing. I might add that she has a stunning figure. When she walks into a room, almost all the men there say, “Jesus Christ!”
BP-Flea-Market-closed
Soaked flax seed substitutes for eggs in baked goods. Link
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A Florida man exercising his Second Amendment rights murdered his six grandchildren and daughter and then killed himself. Video
Home Depot security breach is bigger than Target at 56 million credit cards. Link
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Deer Ed, Have a good time and enjoy the break.  It’s about time you made an honest woman out of your significant other!
going19[Going To Jail Sale] A Florida mansion with a staggering price tag is on the market in Naples, as its owner is headed to federal prison for tax evasion. The estate sits on one of the most beautiful and exclusive streets in Naples, in the area where Governor Rick Scott has a home. Some of the highlights include a seven-car garage, five bedrooms, and coral stone imported from the Dominican Republic, which real estate agents say makes it stand apart from the rest. The price is a record $68 million. The owner paid $47.3 million cash for it two and a half years ago. Real estate agents say it will take a special buyer, likely someone who owns their own company or corporation. The views inside the 16,000 square foot home are stunning – a beautiful spiral staircase, a luxury movie room and a grand master suite. The property is held in a trust for owner Randal Bellestri, who pleaded guilty in June to tax evasion.
[“U.S. Military pinned down video on National Geographic”] That’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. Let’s think first. Why would you put a chopper up to be a target for a RPG or Stinger missile? If you’re pinned down by multiple snipers, you don’t move. I didn’t see the program you watched, but I would think a better choice would be to call for fire from artillery, or air support. Mind you, there is little to no foliage in that god-forsaken place. But let’s also think of how much artillery and air support was available? Most of the guys over there have equipment shipped from home, the US government isn’t providing it. You should be ashamed, of our current government, not the boys on the ground!
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Five Facebook settings to change now. Link
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[The Real Bahia Honda Bridge] This is what it looked like before — before everything! There were very few people and even less cars. There were times when hours could pass without a car going by. This photo was taken in ate summer for sure. It was not uncommon for many local businesses to close up for a month or more during late August & September.
[Friday Joke] A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!” The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where’s the money? Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown brief case, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the stones to pull the trigger.”
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[Story Slam] The Marathon Community Theater is hosting a Story Slam this month with the winner walking away with a $100 prize and everybody else enjoying the fine art of storytelling. The slam, slated for 7 p.m. Sept. 28, is open to anybody. Ten storytellers will have the chance to vie for cash and eternal glory by telling their five-minute true tale as it relates to the theme for the night, which is surprise. The first 10 people to sign up as a storyteller will get their moment in the spotlight. Arrive early. Storytellers have five minutes to tell their true stories, with a one-minute grace period to wind it up. For information, send an email to Events
concrete cement truck
Looking for gently used cement mixer. Classified Ads > Wanted
[Sending Troops] My son did 2 tours in Iraq as did many others, to keep your son safe at home. You want all the protection, but not the sacrifice. Next time you see a soldier thank him for keeping your son home.
Phil-Goodman8.14.14
[Political Platform] I see the challenging candidate for county commission has changed her platform on her coconut-tele banner ad from “stronger law enforcement” and “proactive planning”, to “term limits” and “contract bids”; which interestingly enough is the exact same platform the defeated candidate (Coll) ran on.The law enforcement needs of the Keys are being met and are under the authority of the Sheriff, not the county commission; and “proactive planning” has been taking place for 20± years now through the Monroe County Comprehensive Plan. For the record, the County is just finalizing (the 4-year long update process) that “proactive planning” document; yet has received no input whatsoever (oral or written) from same challenging candidate.

This is not candidate bashing; but merely statements of fact and of public record.

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hollywood19
Seems legit.
Next time you visit beautiful Berserkistan, stop by the Hollywood hills.
The art of life is a constant readjustment to our surroundings. It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change. People will try to tell you that all the great opportunities have been snapped up. In reality, the world changes every second, blowing new opportunities in all directions, including yours.  ~Have a blessed day my friends. Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
johnsons-7.9.14
[Star Spangled Hendrix] When Jimi Hendrix returned to his native America as a star, the country he knew had changed. This programme, presented by Tom Robinson to tie in with the 40th anniversary of the guitarist’s death, explores the pressure Jimi was under to make an explicit political declaration. Tom explores Hendrix’s 14 months in the Screaming Eagles 101 Airborne Division that saw him parachute a total of 26 times before he was invalided out with a broken ankle. Audio
tarpon19[Killer Tarpon Attacks Man] Or how stupid people catch tarpon. You know that really hurt. Video
I am sure that with all the roll backs in publication we will see a reduction in the cost to advertise on your world famous web site? (Ed: I haven’t raised the cost to advertise on the CT for over 12 years even though our cost have gone up 2 million percent.)
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women
[How to turn on a woman]  First you must allow the system to warm up properly (Flowers, champagne and  expensive dinners may accomplish this.  A diamond is somewhat optional but typically produces the best resulting output especially when coupled with a visual display of a no-limit American Express card).  Using the correct programming language is vital as her speech recognition software is extremely sensitive to mis-speak and may crash the entire the program instantly.  This varies from system to system and may change suddenly without user notification.  Then, using the control panel (pictured), the user must press all of the buttons and activate all the switches in exactly the correct order while watching the indicators for any sign of operator error.  Operator error will result in immediate system shut-down and power off and prevent any user input whatsoever.  The re-start procedure is a very lengthily process and may be delayed for many days.  Users must also be aware that every 28 days the system is off-line for a week due to system maintenance.  Attempts at system start-up during this period often result in user privileges being revoked for the foreseeable future and may result in unspecified user injury. Older, obsolete systems have less technical restrictions and are often grateful for any user attention.
[Black Brothers] We want justice, gin, juice, hair extensions, rims, & Democrats. Video
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[France Gets Off Its Ass] France has agreed to carry out airstrikes requested by Iraq to bolster its fight against the Islamic State group’s fighters who’ve captured swathes of the country, President Francois Hollande said Thursday.
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[We Can Save the Caribbean’s Coral Reefs] In contrast, the condition of the coral reefs of the Florida Keys, the United States Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico is among the worst in the wider Caribbean, despite vast sums invested in the monitoring of reefs and research on the effects of climate change. This monitoring and research are vitally important, but collecting information without strong corrective action is like a doctor analyzing a patient’s decline without doing everything possible to save her life. Link
Lots of stuff is happening in the Universe —- changing our view of things even though there exist trillions of stars and galaxies (solids) we now know that all that makes up only 5% of the known Universe 95 % is dark matter and dark energy —which we are studying but know little about.
All that initially proposed many years ago, but a woman Vera Rubin substantiated it. What stays in my mind is the view of the earth from our outermost planet which, as you know, is Neptune. The earth shows on our space probe picture as a very tiny pale blue dot—-I have examined 2 different probe’s pictures and still can’t identify it —too small for me to see. That is terrifying —that tiny dot is our only home and we are plundering and messing with it –the natural world keeps us alive and we are destroying that by the minute.
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A dead Key Largo man — Michael Filipowich, 67, 400 Ocean Drive — fell into the water while stepping from his dock to his boat died Wednesday, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.
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yard-sale-sign
We are having a yard sale Saturday at 4016 Dorn Road in Big Torch Key. If your going south on US1, take the first right after State Rd 4A. (Middle Torch Rd) We have all kinds of stuff for sale. Your regular yard sale. We will open at 8am.
[Friday Joke From Norway] Ole is on his deathbed. He says to Lena, “Forty-eight years we’ve been married. You’ve stuck with me through it all. The tornado that blew the house down, the lousy crops, the year all of the pigs died, my bankruptcy, my heart attack, the night the lightning struck and burned down the house, and now, liver cancer. And you know what? I’m starting to think that you’re bad luck.”
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[Friday Joke] The bloody Irish! Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’

Paddy said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’

‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly, it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

What is a Red Tide? Link
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[Maintenance Men] Olhar do Cristo Redentor, Rio de Janeiro, Brasil. Video
Apple’s new improved iPhone finally catches up with the rest of the competition. Now if only they had a replaceable battery.
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[“Filing A Complaint”] To the person who wants to make a complaint.  I couldn’t find it for you, but here’s something that might help: Contact Information
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My god, this is Scotland ballot is so simple even a republican could understand it. (And for the republican’s that was sarcasm.)
[Friday Joke] A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher, I sure am.”
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.
“No, I didn’t!” said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”
“No, I did not Reverend.”
The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My good man, have you found Jesus yet?”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
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When do they hold try outs for the Coconuts’ bocce team? I would like to try out.
alibaba logo
Alibaba
, the Chinese behemoth’s answer to America’s Amazon.com, today’s initial public offering opened at $92.70 per share and 46,000,000 buy orders. This is the biggest IPO in history.
Someone complains about choppers shaking his house apart and all of a sudden we have posters pro and con on the mosquito choppers. The original post said nothing about mosquitoes or the bug department’s helicopters. This is proof you readers can’t read the words and spin everything out of fact. I love it.
fanci8.4.14
[“Cay Club Ponzi Scheme”] That’s very interesting that Both Dave and Cristal Clark remain at Monroe County Detention Center on Stock Island under no bail.
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fred-ginger19
I liked that Fred Astaire number yesterday. I like anything Fred Astaire. This one begins with Fred really cooking on the piano. He had it all except muscles and looks.Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers – I Won’t Dance
Precision Auto Repair and Tire (mechanic at blinking light on Sugarloaf) A State investigator agrees and is now looking into their illegal practices. Big Pine Key .com helped me find several others who had also been done wrong by this shady business. They might fix a lot of car right but when they do break anything they have established a track record with a pattern of denial and refusing any liability. “I took my brand new Ford Edge in for its first oil change. and left with a broken air conditioner.”  ~boguitarz@aol.com
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This religious crap is starting to make me distrust Christianity as much a those crazy Muslims. I can’t wait for the next Dark Ages and have to kiss the middle finger of the NWO Pope!
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[Captain Doom and Gloom] “New Rule: All Faiths Can Kill” Is this better?, “So help me God, I’ll kill you!”  If it was not for crazy religion, we would not have 90% of the wars we have had. History shows the facts about the sickness of all religions and the phony com ‘men’ that scare the inept with superstition. Ban religion and you will save this planet!
[Revenge] “America, reform. We have big fish to fry” What big fish? Haven’t we stuck our noses into too many countries already? Our mistake has always been to kiss their butts, rebuild them, and feed them, after they have attacked us, killed us. We should have conquered and owned them forever and had no more problems with them.
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Reagan and amnesty!! an important lesson is to be gained here if one only takes the time to open his thinking process, which at times can be a monumental task for many in the myriad opinions of our vast society, what most average humans do after experimenting with a problem and in the process committing many mistakes is to attempt to eliminate the mistakes and go with what works best that is why so often in life (ala Winston Churchill’s famous quote) so many liberals become conservative as they journey thru life and come to realize what works and what doesn’t. Reagan all tho a mountain of a man was not immune to this malady  as none of us are to making an error in judgment but most of us if we have normal common sense and understanding realize when we are wrong and make the proper adjustments.
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The convenient memory of the right strikes (out) again. They are all upset about a questionnaire asking College students about their lives and habits. To the right its a huge infringement. Its not mandatory they answer.Meanwhile they sat silent while GW Bush created the Homeland security agency.

Which 1 seems more invasive to you and your rights?

I guess the Homeland Security Agency to Conservatives is another example of smaller government and more personal freedoms.

Reply to Conservative Convient Memory: You are correct Reagan did grant amnesty to illegal undocumented immigrants.
Here is the rest of the story: The Democrats promised Reagan that if he granted the amnesty, they would pass legislastion to secure the borders. The Democrats lied. After the Democrats got what they wanted, they ‘forgot’ about their promise to secure the borders.
So what did we learn from this: secure the borders first THEN take care of the illegals that are here.
from the right
Charlie Crist hurt education in Florida, big time. Charlie Crist’s last budget left K-12 schools with nearly $1.4 Billion less than his first budget. In the first budget Charlie Crist signed (FY 2007-2008), total K-12 funding was at $18,751,344,667. In the last budget Charlie Crist, signed (FY 2010-2011), total K-12 funding was at $17,353,385,926.AgainstcharlieOn 5/28/09 The Orlando Sentinel wrote: “”Education funding was slashed, forcing schools and universities to cut budgets, reduce enrollments and eliminate staff. Public schools will lose $332 million in the budget sent to Gov. Charlie Crist — a cut that amounts to $131 for each student.” As a result 3,688 Florida teachers were laid off in 2008-2009.

But then, when the going got tough, Charlie got going, going full speed to run for US Senate. In an Orlando Sentinel article from November of 2013, Lawton “Bud” Chiles wrote: “Crist Walked Away From The Tough Challenges When He Was Governor In Order To Try To Take A Back Seat In The U.S. Senate.” “Crist Is No Inspirational Pol Like JFK.”

Even Miami Herald columnist, writer, author, and ardent liberal environmentalist, Carl Hiaasen, voiced his views about Charlie Crist. In a column entitled “Charlie Crist is back, but he doesn’t deserve free pass.” (The Miami Herald, 11/10/13) Hiaasen wrote: “After one term as governor, Crist left Tallahassee to run for the U.S. Senate in 2010. Back then Florida’s economy was gasping, as it was nationwide, and Crist looked like he was walking away from a hard job at the worst time just to elevate his career.”

Hiaasen was spot on right, about half way through his term as our Governor, Crist decided to run for the US Senate and then began campaigning. His lust to be a US Senator robbed Florida of whatever governance skills he might have had. Our economy tanked, much worse than most states. Our unemployment rate eclipsed the national rate.

Crist Raised Taxes by $2.2 Billion, and he slashed our education budget. Thousands of teaching jobs were lost.

We simply cannot afford Charlie Crist again.

Part 2) Deer Ed, we sincerely hope you enjoy your hiatus. Don’t get too drunk at the wedding reception and grope the bride or one of the bridesmaids, we want you back. Enjoy!