Friday, February 27, 2015

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

best saturday ever(Ed: It’s 9am Saturday morning and I just got the CT back online. I got a whole lesson I didn’t want in moving websites around. The first lesson was don’t trust GoDaddy’s nice guy tech support specialists. They continually gave me wrong information. Yesterday I started to be persistent and by 6 this morning I was questioning everything they told me. I got the first fellow to discovered that no one had switched my internet protocol number along with the site I moved. At a quarter to nine I had the latest nice guy re-check my domain name server. He discovered that I had to change it to a different sequence [two other specialists said I had to stay with the current DNS address]. I changed it and here we all are. That’s the short version of how incompetent GoDaddy’s tech help is. The long version even boor’s me.)
zeros and ones14(Ed: The god of zero’s and ones has not been good to the CT. I’m back from vacation, but it wasn’t a vacation at all; it was two weeks of the geek blues trying to improve the Coconut Telegraph by making every day a no-edit day because you asked for it for the last 13 years [some people take longer to listen than others. ha]. So far I haven’t able to get the new system going, but I am still working on it full time. That is why you must redirect to this old site until I get the problem fixed. It should only be a day or two until you don’t have to redirect.As a special note to our advertisers. I had planned to make these changes during the two weeks I was supposed to be on vacation but I couldn’t. How about if I give you all a free month’s advertising to compensate for the three or four days the CT was offline and any further disruption of your advertising? I do apologize and really appreciate your support. )
hareens 12.2.14
Enjoy getting robo-calls? (You’re the only one!) Even though we’re on the Do Not Call registry, we still get them. Now Consumers Report has a plan to stop them via improved technology and pressure on the phone companies. I signed their petition; won’t you, too? Link
mousetrap3This is the best Mouse trap ever!Alcohol…..old cheap vodka…they pass out and drown, alcohol keeps them from stinking, when you have a bunch, dig a hole and pour them in… use the bucket handle tabs to run the rod through, make sure the bottle spins easily. It works!Put antifreeze in the bucket or alcohol you won’t have to empty it for a week.
Wild horses. Video
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Did you see Kevin Gerard the local Radioshack owner and President of the Volunteer Fire Dept? He was on the front page of two articles of this weeks (2/13/15) “The Barometer”! What a guy, he’s pretty much a local celebrity!
pizza14I’ve had some bad pizza in my time, but No Name Pub’s pizza was the worst I’ve ever had. Grease was dripping off the slices as I tried to eat it. The pepperoni must have been almost all fat. The cheapest available. The crust was like white bread except chewier. There were no cells in the dough, it was just like firm, wet cardboard. The crust is the most important part of the pizza. I looked at the remaining slices in the refrigerator the next day and there were waves across the top where the grease had congealed. I don’t know how people can say they have good pizza. ~susez23@hotmail.com
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raised-bed
My friend’s wife kept bugging him to build a raised bed for her tomatoes so while she was away he built her this one.
If you don’t like dining with man’s best friend, then maybe you should be going to Boondocks. .
Boondocks allows dogs in the downstairs section, they have beautiful bathrooms and the food is better there, too.
Nira-Tocco-6.14
In the Keys: A very important set of Marathon City Council workshops are scheduled in March and April. The Council will review FLUM and Zoning in a series of workshops. If your property has zoning problems, these workshops are a must to attend.Interim legal team will take over until a new, local legal team takes over. Vernis Bowl is now the City’s interim legal team. They get paid $140 per hour. That is reasonable when compared to other outside the Keys local legal teams.Marathon City will take up to 2 to 6 months to choose a local legal team. Funding is the issue. Do we charge per case or per hour? Legal items like appeals and lawsuits could come out of a legal contingency fund as needed.The Marathon Airport is going international with a new carrier. That Port of Entry opens Marathon to all residents and visitors alike. Monroe County will be our partner.On the schedule: Marathon City Sombrero Beach Run scheduled March 7 was granted permission to serve beer and wine. The Seafood Festival was granted the same thing. The Festival is scheduled for March 14 and 15. The Journal has a booth at the Festival; come and see our website displayed on a touch screen computer. The rest of the City’s schedule. Link

The Keys bus is supported by Monroe County and the City of Marathon. The Council extended the term to April 2020. There was a slide presentation. This is a good deal and a resounding success. .

The Parks & Recreation Committee met at Marathon’s Fire Station #14 at 6 PM. Only three committee members showed up to barely make a quorum. The meeting was voice recorded. The minutes were approved. Community Services and Parks & Rec Department Head is Jimmie Schmidt. He presented his report and provided information answering any questions. There was some discussion on moving the meeting date and time. The meeting date is still the second Thursday of each month. It was unclear as to the time. Baseball season has just started. The park is ready. The Parks & Rec meeting is scheduled for March 12 at 6 PM at Marathon’s Fire Station #14.

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Available now for download on C.D. Baby. The official version of “We Don’t Drive More Than 35 in Big Pine at Night” with SammySam LaBoy-Velez Chris Arsenault, Corey Helms, Rob Garza, Jean Dowdle, Adrienne, Cynthia Mulchahy, Jorge Solles, Heather Sutton, George Fonseca and Billy Brown. Nine other tracks of original music including “Country Girl in Paradise” with Shastina Chiles and live flute rock. Download a couple of tracks, hell, download them all, you’ve got room! (no link provided)
I would like to list Best Garage Doors on your business directory of licensed businesses, but was having trouble with the link on the provided on the directory page. I would also like to be considered as a vendor to provide service to the city. Best Garage Doors focuses on the purchase, installation, service and repair of overhead garage doors and grills since 1983. We also provide 24 hour emergency service.  ! best@bestdoors.net
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Best Garage Doors on your business directory of licensed businesses, but was having trouble with the link on the provided on the directory page. I would also like to be considered as a vendor to provide service to the city. Best Garage Doors focuses on the purchase, installation, service and repair of overhead garage doors and grills since 1983. We also provide 24 hour emergency service.  ~best@bestdoors.net
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winter computer
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, February 28, 10 am at the senior center.  Let’s get together and bid farewell to winter! Events
The March AARP Calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
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[Joke Friday] A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
target moving sights aim
[“Outdoor rifle range”] There is or was an outdoor private range in Key Largo. 25yd., 50yd. and on Monday afternoons an exclusive use at 100yds that shoots the 50yd position. Contact Kiffney’s Guns on Key Largo. Now if I’d like to really reach out and touch someone, there’s a 500yd range in Homestead that’s also private, but memberships are available. Called Long Shot there.
[Spam] This is where you should send your complaints about spam in your email and other stuff as listed. Link
Radio-Shack10.31.14
Gone Shopping. When people go shopping, they are so brainwashed that they think they have to pay that price tag price in a retail store. You do not, you can bargain just like you bargain at a garage/yard sale, there is no difference. The store simply sets up their business so people think they must pay the price shown. If you want a better price, ask for it. If the sale person cannot lower the price, ask for the manager. Tell the manager what you will offer for the item. If he says he cannot change the price, ask him why not. you put it on sale don’t you? You have it marked up 10, 20 50 times what you paid for it, so why can’t you reduce it so I can buy it? If he still will not move on the price, simply say will I guess you do not want to sell it. Good day and walk out! If he wants the sale he will change his mind. All business are just that, businesses who buy cheap and try to sell at maximum profit. They all think like hookers! Amen!
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al-anon logoAl-Anon meetings Wednesdays from 6:45-7:45pm at Methodist Church in Big Pine. Cathy 973-479-6670
Also, please amend the Al-Anon meeting listed for Mondays in Marathon to read Mondays and Fridays at 6pm. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
My truck slept at the ‘Nut. Good truck!
Isaksen11.5.14
2003 Chevy Silverado 4X4 Ext. cab. White. Power everything. Deluxe cloth int. Brand new tires. Located in Big Pine. 147,000 mile
$6500.00 OBO Classified Ads > Autos
glass of water pajamasHeart Attack and Water. I never knew all of this! How many folks do you know who say they  don’t want to drink anything before going to bed because they’ll have to get up during the night? I asked my Doctor why do people need to urinate so much at night time.
Answer from my Cardiac Doctor: Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are standing (legs swell).  When you lie down and the lower body (legs and etc.) seeks level with the kidneys, it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier. This then ties in with the last statement!
I knew you need your minimum water to help flush the toxins out of your body, but this was news to me. Correct time to drink water.  Very Important. From A Cardiac Specialist! Drinking water at a  certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:
2 glasses of water after waking up   – helps activate internal organs,
1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal  – helps digestion,
1 glass of water before taking a bath   –  helps lower blood pressure,
1 glass of water before going to bed – avoids stroke or heart attack
I can also add to this.  My Physician told me that  water at bed time will also help prevent night time leg cramps. Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a Charlie Horse.
“Life is a one-time gift”
Can someone tell me how the speed bumps on County Rd came about and who to contact to have them put on my street?
BP-Flea-Market10.10.14
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snowbumps
Make big snow lumps. Insert glow sticks for eyes.  Freak the neighbors out . I would so do this all over the yard!
Does every same caliber automatic handgun have the same magazine or must you have a different one for each gun?
manley-deboer-1.9.15
Subtitle: [Gasping urgently]
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My 21 year old neighbor decided to erect a makeshift gun range in his front yard just feet away from where my children play and I was helpless to stop him. In Florida, you can build a gun range in a residential area surrounded by houses and playing children, and law enforcement can do nothing about it. This puts both people and property at great risk and should not be allowed. I want Florida to create stricter residential gun range laws in order to keep our children and neighborhoods safe.
“Judgment Day is coming!” I’ve heard that all my life from religion enthusiasts. Just what does it mean and when is it coming. They’ve been saying that for over two thousand years. Haven’t they realized by now that there is no such thing as Judgment Day or if there is, it’s never coming.
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[How they came to be “leathernecks”] Shortly after his being sworn in as the third President of the United States in 1801, the Pasha of Tripoli sent Jefferson a note demanding the immediate payment of $225,000 plus $25,000 a year for every year forthcoming. That changed everything. .leatherneck27Jefferson let the Pasha know, in no uncertain terms, what he could do with his demand. The Pasha responded by cutting down the flagpole at the American consulate and declared war on the United States. Tunis, Morocco, and Algiers immediately followed suit. Jefferson, until now, had been against America raising a naval force for anything beyond coastal defense, but, having watched his nation be cowed by Islamic thuggery for long enough, decided that is was finally time to meet force with force. .He dispatched a squadron of frigates to the Mediterranean and taught the Muslim nations of the Barbary Coast a lesson he hoped they would never forget. Congress authorized Jefferson to empower U.S. ships to seize all vessels and goods of the Pasha of Tripoli and to cause to be done all other acts of precaution or hostility as the state of war would justify. .When Algiers and Tunis, who were both accustomed to American cowardice and acquiescence, saw the newly independent United States had both the will and the right to strike back, they quickly abandoned their allegiance to Tripoli. The war with Tripoli lasted for four more years, and raged up again in 1815. The bravery of the U.S. Marine Corps in these wars led to the line “to the shores of Tripoli” in the Marine Hymn, and they would forever be known as “leathernecks” for the leather collars of their uniforms, designed to prevent their heads from being cut off by the Muslim scimitars when boarding enemy ships.
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polarbear2
We are missing our male indoor Blue-Point Himalayan cat since February 10th from Avenue E on Big Coppitt. He is neutered but does not have a collar. Please contact us at (305)393-9919 if you have seen or found him. We are offering a cash reward for his safe return home! Classified Ads > Lost And Found
[“Why doesn’t the Sheriff’s department have someone at the Big Pine stoplight regulating the traffic”] Because it is not their job! Just because the tourists are here, does not mean it’s time to get them thru the light to Key West. We’re close to capacity with them this year. Rentals are scarce and prices are rising. Just look at the traffic and ask yourself, “Is this what we wanted?” Rumor is some are asking for 5 month rentals next year! JFC, can we handle 5 months of the Midwestern mentality?
Springers12.9.14
Dining out in the Keys is a nightmare because you might have to sit next to a clan of crude, rude, tattooed slobs that order a $25 Steak well done! And then dump hot sauce all over everything on the plate, then wash it down with cheap beer or rot gut wine. Ugh!
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Alchemy is a serious discipline. Every step has to be followed exactly as it was followed by the masters. The liquid part of the Master Work was called the Elixir of Life, and that it cured all illnesses: it also kept the alchemist from growing old. And the solid part was called the Philosophers Stone.
johnsons-7.9.14
Bless Ed’s pirate heart, his Friday 13th editorial comment to FTR’s blast of “Net Neutrality“. If FTR was so far off about that, what else is he that far off about? Hard not to wonder if FTR is part of a right right-wing Republican jihad, propaganda and more, given how it appears no Republican politico I ever heard about seems have shit that FTR thinks stinks. Not that I care much for the left wing, either. I’m kinda racially prejudiced against religions.
an_forest-fire
Is it legal to burn yard brush in big pine if i use a burning barrel. Thanks.
[Captain Doom] After reading about foods and what each does to our bodies, I have come to the conclusion that any foods made in America are the most deadly concoctions devised my mad men! American cheese, Scrapple, processed anything, and soda are just examples of the garbage we consume. Why are we Americans so intent and efficient at killing ourselves? Of course it has to do with manufacturing the highest yield possible from the raw materials so that it generates the highest profit margin without caring for nutrition or consumers health issues. Good going.
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from the right
(Ed: Deer politikers, Sorry for no FTR. I didn’t know if I would be able to publish today so I didn’t tell him until this morning. If he emails back I’ll post his stuff later. I’m sure he’s been saving up. Post or explode. And we don’t want FTR to explode, do we? Like John Lee Hooker said, “Let that boy boogie woogie. It’s in him and it gots to get out.”)