Friday, February 13, 2015

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with pictures. Published Monday through Friday by Noon.

(Ed: Saturday, February 14. Sorry folks, There’s more to Friday the thirteenth than I thought. In my eagerness to be gone I forgot to publish Friday’s CT. [Note to self: hit Publish before leaving Command Center.])
friday_13_ct
friday the 13th
(Ed: Vacation. Friday the 13th will be the last day of publishing the CT for two weeks while I take a vacation and give my psyche an enema. I’ll see you March 2 for more fun and not-so-fun things to read.)
johnsons-7.9.14
[Descriptive Prose] “They caravanned to a cul-de-sac in el Cajon, septuplet ranch houses worshipping a teardrop of molten asphalt.”
Contact Us. Click this link to post any opinion, ads, changes to an ad, complaint, kudos, or anything else. One link fits all. We read them all. Contact Us
Brian-williams-lies[“Brian Williams’ lies”] I’m not sure if I want to admit it, but I went to Mater Dei High School with Brian Williams. He was in several of my classes and on the track team. He was also about the only person in school (1976) that did not smoke weed. We also went to Brookdale Community College and joined the local Volunteer Fire Department in Middletown N.J. together. I’m not sure if he would acknowledge knowing me today, but he was a very quiet guy back then. Now days he has Bruce[?] and the state governor on speed dial. Sorry he got caught up in the situation he is in, but he makes $13 million a year so six months off should not break the bank for him.
[Friday Joke] Two 80 year old guys were talking about sex.
One says he still gets hard.
The other ask what he takes for it.
Ex-lax or any stool softener.
hareens 12.2.14
[Plastic Bags] Surfrider has organized lots of info to help citizens motivate Florida’s politicians to overturn the state law prohibiting local governments from banning, taxing or limiting plastic bags, including links to about 12 Florida local governments that have already passed resolutions supporting overturning the state law, sample petitions, sample resolutions and even talking points, lots of well organized info. Link
cops13
Not just Ferguson
: eye-opening facts about America’s militarized police forces. Link
[“Dog Drool and Food”] We love going to the Looe Key Tiki Bar and so does our dog! If you don’t like dining with man’s best friend, then maybe you should be going to Boondocks. The Looe Key staff may be the friendliest group of people anywhere in the Keys. They really do make you feel like a local there.
Does anyone know where their maintenance guy Bryce is working now? Did he leave the keys? Everybody loved that guy! They should try to get him back. The new air conditioned bathrooms are a great addition. About time too!
bluewater-750w
[Parrhesia] Boldness or freedom of speech. In Plato’s Apology, Socrates says, the cause of my unpopularity was my parrhesia, my fearless speech, mu frank speech, my plain speech, my unintimidated speech.
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jesus13
[Traffic] Why doesn’t the Sheriff’s department have someone at the Big Pine stoplight regulating the traffic. Backups around the curve at the Catholic church are common the last two days and we are heading into a busy three day weekend. Help!
Nira-Tocco-6.14
I have an idea for the dog problem at the Tiki Bar. Get all the Michigan people drunk and arm all the Jersey people with pepper spray. The dog problem will get taken care of by Jersey and it’ll be followed by three months of entertainment while the Michigan people whine and cry on the CT.
yard-sale-sign
[Yard Sale
] Multi family. Saturday February 14, 8:00 am to 12:00 Noon. 7967 Gulfstream Blvd (Behind airport), Marathon. Lots of good stuff. Many items under $5. Fishing equipment household items, etc.
“We entered a complex of bars and entertainments. Those inside had their mouths sewn shut while they were assaulted on every side by others who explained and harangued them endlessly.
“And who are these who must listen but never speak?” I asked.
“They are the know-it-alls who always knew better. Their sin was painfully obvious to all but themselves.”
“Is there no one to mourn them or remember them in their suffering?”
“I am afraid not,” he replied. “Perhaps a few remember but only in that they are relieved from their oppression.”
I became weary of the hellish place and asked if we would soon find our way through. My guide explained that there was much more yet to see before we completed our journey. I began to despair of ever reaching the end. My only wish was that we would leave this place of suffering and somehow return to the light of day, where the sight of ordinary people would soothe my spirit.
Perhaps my guide pitied my distress, for soon we were back in the boat, crossing the water. Slowly the blackness of night gave way to dawning day. So great was my relief that I began to succumb to sleep.
The last thing I remember was throwing my iPad overboard.”
accurate-home-insp-750w
[Round House] I took a ride to Cudjoe Key to see that weird home that is being built and believe me, if I lived next to that I would be pissed too. What a piece of crap. It is as far out of the normal for that street and neighborhood as can be. Who was the architect for that abortion? a high school kid? No wonder that neighborhood will lose value with a monstrosity like that staring you in the face. How the hell could the zoning department allow such a disaster? I am glad people on Big Pine Key have more brains than to let junk like that be built.
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drunk bottle stars
[More bar wisdom] I’m passed out drunk on the side of the road to success.
[20 Questions To A Better You]
Some people can do this some cannot, but try anyway. Stand in front of your mirror and ask yourself these questions. If you need to, speak out loud.
1. Are you sane?
2. Are you suicidal?
3. Are you a substance abuser?
4. Do you like yourself?
5. Do you like your mate?
6. Do you like your kids if you have any?
7. Do you like your job?
8. Who do you dislike? Why?
9. Are you gay?
10. Are you self-centered?
11. Are you a flakey person?
12. Are you a totally hip person?
13. Does the opposite sex like you?
14. Do animals reject you?
15. Do you talk to your plants?
16. Do you have survivalist dreams?
17. Are you religious?
18. Do you think there is life in space?
19. Is humor high on your list?
20. Are you careless with mechanical apparatuses?
Now start over again and answer truthfully this time. If anything, this will help you recognize yourself and vacate your dream world and hopefully see reality better. Good luck!
fanci10-16-14
[Joke Friday] A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
machine gun soldier[“Outdoor rifle range”] There is or was an outdoor private range in Key Largo. 25yd., 50yd. and on Monday afternoons an exclusive use at 100yds that shoots the 50yd position. Contact Kiffney’s Guns on Key Largo. Now if I’d like to really reach out and touch someone, there’s a 500yd range in Homestead that’s also private, but memberships are available. Called Long Shot there.
[Spam] This is where you should send your complaints about spam in your email and other stuff as listed. Link
Radio-Shack10.31.14
[Friday Joke] I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
blotter-acid
[“LSD”
] Me too. It made me take responsibility for myself. I decided to change for the good. The rest of the world wasn’t responsible for my failures — I was.
Contact Us. Click this link to post any opinion, ads, changes to an ad, complaint, kudos, or anything else. One link fits all. We read them all. Contact Us
gardenfest13
Florida’s Coast to Coast (C2C) connector of trails is becoming a reality. Link
Isaksen11.5.14
I believe that Walmart helps stagnate the economy. God help us if it comes to the Keys, but that is what the big developers want. Less overhead and more profit. That plot of land should have been used for affordable housing. How much more money do the Singh’s, Spottswoods, Toppino’s, and others need?”Pave paradise and put up a parking lot, oooh bop, bop, bop, bop.”
battleship13[When We Were Mighty] During the 3-1/2 years of World War 2 that started with the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor in December 1941 and ended with the Surrender of Germany and Japan in 1945, “We the People of the U.S.A.”  produced the following: 22 aircraft carriers, 8 battleships, 48 cruisers, 349 destroyers, 420 destroyer escorts, 203 submarines, 34 million tons of merchant ships, 100,000 fighter aircraft, 98,000 bombers, 24,000 transport aircraft, 58,000 training aircraft, 93,000 tanks, 257,000 artillery pieces, 105,000 mortars, 3,000,000 machine guns, and 2,500,000 military trucks. We put 16.1 million men in uniform in the various armed services, invaded Africa, invaded Sicily and Italy, won the battle for the Atlantic, planned and executed D-Day, marched across the Pacific and Europe, developed the atomic bomb, and ultimately conquered Japan and Germany.
selfie-obama3
Men who take selfies
may be psychopaths. According to a new study led by Ohio State University Professor Jesse Fox, men who post a lot of selfies to the web tend to exhibit higher levels of narcissism and psychopathy. Link
[Joke Friday] An elderly couple was at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said,  “For god’s sake, Phil,  leave it on the porn channel– you know how to fish!”
BP-Flea-Market10.10.14
[“Transmission rip-off”] I used to work on German imports almost exclusively and there isn’t even a tube to stick the tranny with[?] on late model units.
Contact Us. Click this link to post any opinion, ads, changes to an ad, complaint, kudos, or anything else. One link fits all. We read them all. Contact Us
timothy leary
[“LSD”
] I always felt that those of us who had the opportunity to do mind expanding drugs of the 60’s and 70’s are some of the most sanest people left in this country. Now it’s been confirmed
[Vacation] 86’d for 2 weeks! That sucks. How will I be able to heckle the Monroe County govt. while you’re chilling? It’s not fair. Don’t you have any compassion? They deserve all the abuse one can heap on them.
manley-deboer-1.9.15
[Bad Cop] An anonymous tip submitted on the office’s website last week alleged that Officer Gary Lee Lovette rented out his Stock Island home on Fifth Avenue and that it wasn’t his primary residence, which is required to get an exemption. According to investigator Randy Pekarik, Lovette went to the Property Appraiser’s Office Tuesday morning to cancel his homestead exemption for 2015. “We’re moving the exemption, closing the case,” Pekarik said.County records show that Lovette had been receiving a $50,000 homestead exemption since 2011. His Stock Island property had a 2014 total adjusted value of $231,111. Police spokeswoman Alyson Crean said the department is aware of the situation. Florida’s homestead exemption lowers property taxes by exempting up to $50,000 in assessed value. Rented and business space is excluded.

Lovette had been in the news the past year due to his involvement in the in-police-custody death of Michigan tourist Charles Eimers in 2103. For his actions in that — in which a state agency and local grand jury found no criminal action — he was suspended from the force for five days.

stars twinkle
Great star gazing for Valentine’s Day weekend. Video
[Joke Friday] A Marine vet goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.
“OK, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now.Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”
“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.No point in you coming in for that.” .
Coconuts-sign-ad-750w
[Friday Joke] Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can sell him a fishing license.
john doe13On the sheriff’s mug shot website this morning was a guy named John Doe, address unknown and “None” listed as occupation. It reminded me that I used to work with a guy whose name was Joe Smith whose birthday was January 1st. He said no one ever believed that his ID was genuine.
Contact Us. Click this link to post any opinion, ads, changes to an ad, complaint, kudos, or anything else. One link fits all. We read them all. Contact Us
an scalpel[Penis reduction surgery?] Oh, the trials of youth. A 17-year-old complained his penis was too large, it was stopping him from having sex. It measured 7inches in length and had a circumference of 10 inches when flaccid. Despite the size, his penis did not grow when erect – it just became firmer. The surgeon said, ‘It’s girth was just massive’ and was shaped like rugby ball. Doctors didn’t take post op measurements but said it was still ‘generous’ ‘It was a life-changing event” he’s smiles. Link
[“Idiot date and states drop down lists”] Just start typing and it should fast forward you thru the list (e.g. type FL fast and it takes you to Florida).
Springers12.9.14
[“Balfour Beatty Developers”] Civilians people living in Navy property housing. While it’s important to provide housing for military families on military bases, the only reason to lease or rent to civilians is for profit to the management company. The managing company should be required to pay property taxes on those units being used by civilians, but that would cut into their bottom line, so they turn loose their dogs of lobby to bribe and corrupt the electorate to vote their way. Remember it’s always about the bottom line.
archer arrows lg[Archer] A serious wow! The stuff this archer does is unbelievable. Video
Van Morrison looks back at his long career. Audio
cow13
[Friday Joke] Critical Thinking At Its Best!
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: 5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
politics-zone-750w
What will Obama and his clan do after he is out of office? He could run Uganda, or Detroit? He could work in NYC as a Up Town dude? He could move to New Zealand and run a welfare office? Anyone have better ideas?
Wow, FTR is really taking it hard because our President is asking Congress for war powers against ISIL.
I think we see a future human shield for Americas enemies in the making.
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So Obama now wants Congress to approve military action against ISIS.  Anything he wanted before he simply put in place by “Executive Action” or Kingly Fiat, illegally bypassing Congress on a number of occasions.  Now he wants their approval.  Why?   So that when he gets done pussy footing around, restricting the use of this weapon or that tactic used  by our military that he clearly has nothing but contempt for, and things go to hell as a result, he can turn around and blame Congress for yet another mess that he himself created.  The ISIS, Islamic radical jihadist savages grow more emboldened every day thanks to Obama’s dithering and lack of balls to go after them with everything we’ve got.
I see that F.T.R. is in the hot seat again as some are complaining  that his insults are too much to bear and saps their stamina to forge thru his posts. Scenarios such as this are beginning to present a real problem for some folks throughout the country and is presenting a real conundrum for many with the rampant chicanery and outright lies being spewed by our entertainment outlets. Fox News being the lone exception  , it has virtually become impossible to state hard facts without insulting those on the liberal side of the aisle, many bemoan this fact, but it seems silence is the only alternative, and to do that would be tatamount to treason.
from the right
Deer Friends do you like the internet, the convenience, the forums, and the wealth of information that it provides? Do you, like me, sometimes get pissed at the speed of our individual internet service providers? If so, fasten your seat belt, things are about to get really rocky.Obama’s FCC has set its sights on the internet with a plan they innocuously call “Net Neutrality.”  It sure sounds benign, but it’s really malignant.

They propose to regulate the net in the same fashion that they regulate utilities.

CNN reports that it nearly a sure thing that services such a Netflix will be forced to increase their fees.

How would you like to have to pay a fee to be able to stream YouTube videos at full speed? What if you liked downloading music from, say, Last.fm or Soundcloud, but those sites suddenly became infinitely slower than bigger sites like Amazon or iTunes? Those are the kind of major changes to the Internet that are likely to occur if Obama’s FCC prevails.

The current “open Internet” rules prevent Internet service providers from blocking or “unreasonably discriminating” against any legal website or other piece of online content.

With “Net Neutrality” companies like Verizon, who sued the FCC over the rules, would be able to pick and choose who gets the best access.

So, for example, they might start charging big fees for websites to get in the “fast lane.” Those fees presumably would be no problem for the Web’s monster moneymakers but tougher to take for the little guys.

Then, all of a sudden, you’re starting to get two Internets — a quick, smooth highway for the major players and a slow, bumpy trail for everybody else.

The internet ain’t broken, the Democrat politicos in their never ending lust for power, will break it if “Net Neutrality” becomes reality.

net neutrality(Editor: FTR, I’m sorry to tramp on your comments, but I’ll be off duty for the next two weeks and can’t let your hate for Obama cloud your understanding of Net neutrality and possibly sway some readers to stand against it.  Net neutrality will protect us all from sliding fees and it will protect small websites like this one from being discriminated against. If net neutrality isn’t enacted big sites like Netflix will pay more for bandwidth and prices will skyrocket. If net neutrality is made law every site will continue to be treated equal and pay the same no matter their size or how much bandwidth they use. That is the current situation, big and little sites all pay the same for bandwidth. Without net neutrality small sites will never become big sites because the big sites, paying more, will hog all the available bandwidth and be favored by the internet service providers and you’ll never see the little guy again. That is what all the fuss is about.

“Network neutrality means applying well-established “common carrier” rules to the Internet in order to preserve its freedom and openness. Common carriage prohibits the owner of a network, that holds itself out to all-comers, from discriminating against information by halting, slowing, or otherwise tampering with the transfer of any data except for legitimate network management purposes such as easing congestion or blocking spam.

Common carriage is not a new concept – these rules have a centuries-old history. They have long been applied to facilities central to the public life and economy of our nation, including canal systems, railroads, public highways, and telegraph and telephone networks. In fact, common carrier rules have already been written into the Telecommunications Act of 1996 by Congress; they just need to be applied to broadband Internet communications by the FCC.”

Again, I apologize for commenting in your space, but if net neutrality isn’t made law we can all say goodbye to the Internet of things.) 

Part 2) Deer Ed, have a great vacation.  I hope you get a chance to really chill and to enjoy exotic places that are free from the tyranny of computers….enjoy.