Friday, August 1, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

manhole finger beckening[Sewers] Do you think engineering problems with the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System don’t concern you? Fifty miles away is an object lesson on the importance of getting it right the first time. The following is from the Key West Citizen, July 30, 2014.
“Over the past 12 months the village has replaced 25 pits in north Plantation Key at a cost of $258,000, Brzezinski told the Free Press. He told the council that his firm, Wade Trim, now plans a complete analysis of the more than 400 pits in the system to determine which need to be replaced now and also to help the village prepare a renewal and replacement program.
Councilman Ken Philipson reacted to the news with a sense of foreboding. “This is going to cost us millions,” he said.” Expect more of the same with the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System. The burning question for Islamorada — and on a much bigger scale with the Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System — is who the Hades is going to pay for these mistakes? With the CRWS, no sane person denies that gravity sewers are environmentally superior and over the long haul, much cheaper to operate, than grinder pumps. Yet, in what may well be one of most shortsighted decisions since the Boston Red Sox sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees, the decision was made to go with the quick cheap fix and use 2,800 problematic grinder pumps (later reduced after threat of a lawsuit and public pressure to about 1,300). Make no mistake, this and other ill-conceived decisions (e.g., shallow injection wells) for the CRWS will be a bane for both taxpayers and the environment.
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Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Children of all ages Wetstock 10 is just around the corner. Sunday of Labor Day Weekend August 31, 1pm (Keys time of course) at the waters off Picnic Island. It looks like Flip Flop Bob and Friends, Billy Brown, Old School with John North and Ray West will be rounding out the show. It’s hard to believe this will be number 10. Time sure does fly. Y’all come on out for a blast of time and let’s all enjoy another day of peace & music at Wetstock 10!
See you there.
Your friend, Flip Flop Bob

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[Woman Dead] A 44-foot sportfisher was near a 50-foot catamaran at 4:15 p.m. when two women aboard the catamaran jumped into the water fearing a collision. The sportfisher then struck both women, but did not strike the 50-foot catamaran from which they both jumped.
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[Jobs] This is the sixth straight month in a row that American jobs have increased. Last month’s growth was 233,000 more jobs. The unemployment rate is 6.1%.

The August AARP calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing events
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[Credit Cards] I used a hooker from Backpage. Even she had a credit card swiper on her phone! I’ve always wondered where you swiped the card for hookers.

Gosh, FTR is a woman! The most frightening candidate I’ve met in seven years interviewing congressional hopefuls. Video
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[Joke Friday] A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn’t affected my brothers, though!”

crist1It’s very hard for an incumbent to lose an election. However, it seems Rick Scott may be one of the few that has his citizens unhappy with his performance. In fact Rick Scotts polling numbers are lower then Obama’s in the recent Rasmussen polls. Republican-turned-Democrat Charlie Crist leads incumbent GOP Governor Rick Scott by six points in Rasmussen Reports’ first look at Florida’s 2014 gubernatorial race. The latest statewide telephone survey of Likely Florida Voters shows Crist, who served as governor from 2007 to 2011, picking up 45% of the vote to Scott’s 39%. Six percent (6%) prefer some other candidate, while 10% are undecided.
[Afraid of Travel] You people who like to kind of brag about hanging out in those sketchy Central American countries think you are pretty cool.  Personally, I think you must be kind of dumb, especially when you get jacked in one way or another down there.  Just think about how the “locals” around here go off about outsiders.  Do you really believe that exceptional you are somehow immune to that same attitude down south of the border.  You must have one hell of an ego.
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[Honduras Embassy] I liked yesterday’s story very much. I’ve noticed that Latinos, in general, aren’t very big on customer service or piles of smiles when dealing with the public. That attitude really hits home when in a foreign country.
[Little Friday Joke] I was at Walmart buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog, standing in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, right? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I also like to get the Beneful type dog food because it has moist and chewy bits that tasted like jerky. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me? I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s ass and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing so hard.
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[“Big Pine Key Forum”] I guess you just wrote on it! Unless you mean the local bar or the check-out line in Winn Dixie?
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[“Radio Bill Becker still alive”] There was a gentlemen in the upper Keys who passed away, his name was Bill Becker.

[Better Than Sex] When somebody says that something is “better than sex”, I always think, Clearly they aren’t having the right kind of sex.
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[Marathon’s Health] The Florida Department of Health in Monroe County is surveying residents of the micro-communities of west and central Marathon as part of the community health improvement plan it developed last year. Anyone who lives in neighborhoods located between the Seven Mile Bridge and 70th Street in Marathon is invited to take the survey in person or online. The 25-question survey covers everything from behaviors that impact health to statistics on leading public health concerns across the Keys. Survey results will be used to establish partnerships in these communities to help improve on leading public health issues. To take the survey online Link

Local Gun Range opening, homemade one closing. There’s a new gun range opening on Big Pine, but where? I’ve always thought an underground range with shops above it on the ground level would be the way to go. Excavate a giant hole, build a ‘swimming pool’ and use that space as a safe gun range. Link
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Webcam captures turtles hatching. Video
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Happy Friday from Springer’s Bar and Grill. The weekend is around the corner and coming fast. What better place to kick things off then here with us? Today’s special is Beer Battered Fish and Chips. Golden crunchy outside, light and flakey inside. Definitely a favorite you don’t want to miss.
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.
There’s always something special at Springer’s!

[Joke Friday] She’s single. She lives right across the road. I can see her place from my deck. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway and knocked on my door. I rushed to open it, she looks at me and says, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long. Are you busy tonight?”
I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free, I have no plans at all!” She said, “Great! Could you watch my dog?”
Being an old fart, really sucks.
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Kudos to Big Pine News for the post. You are spot on and a lot of us are with you even if we don’t have the time to post replies to the conspiracy theories and biased beliefs. We too have compassion for the less fortunate / mentally handicapped.

Monofilament recovery & recycling program. Link
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[Free Tide Charts] First State Bank of the Florida Keys is continuing its commitment to local fishermen and boaters by providing Keyswide tide charts online and in hard copy at all bank branches. (Or else blue, blue–sail through; green, green–in between; brown, brown–run aground.)
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Ebola, Nature’s way of fighting back against the out of control human population growth.

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[Part of Sloan’s Mayoral Platform] I’d add on a city sales tax to replace the lost parking meter revenue, get everybody chipping it. As for what else?, I’d try to get that new park on Truman Waterfront ditched and I’d try to persuade the Housing Authority into taking that land and covering it with affordable public rental housing and solve the city’s affordable housing crises like presto. He said that was too deep, try this instead, it will get me elected, I might become another Capt. Tony phenomenon.

Ban all buses in the city, don’t let them past Cow Key Channel coming into Key West, and strip search every motorcycle at same bridge for illegal or no mufflers. He said he is positive, if Cow Key Channel is drained, mountains of discarded motorcycle mufflers will appear.

I said I am all for strip-searching motorcycles and blocking their entry without proper mufflers, but lots of people ride and depend on city buses, and as much as I don’t care for city buses on our clogged streets, I can’t bring myself to ban buses from the city. But I sure would like to ban conch trains, trolleys, tour buses and cruise ships. He didn’t seem vigra-ed up over that. Video

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[“Cash sale for $19,000”] Looks like someone maybe trying to skip paying State taxes on that boat or buying it for some soon to be Cuban refugees or smuggles?
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Often a warm beer tastes more bitter than a cool one, and ham tastes saltier when it’s cold. This “thermal taste” occurs because taste buds have tiny channels that interpret flavors differently at various temperatures.

[Joke Friday?] Was that a joke from the person who’s moving to the area, writing in to a local forum asking where the local forum was?
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Shane, considered by many critics to be the greatest western movie, is released by Paramount Pictures on this date in 1953. Everyone remembers the tearful little boy pleading, “Shane…Shane…” as Alan Ladd rode off. Link

[Joke Friday] A mom calls out to her son “Harry! Wake up! You’ll be late for school.” The son replies, “Mom I don’t want to go to school! The teachers and students hate me! Give me one reason I should go!”
The mom says back, “You should go because you’re the principal!”
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It is Friday and the moon stands in the zodiac sign Libra, waxing (1st Quarter). Here are some influencing powers of the day: element is air, apparatus adenoids, quality of the day light day, part of plant blossom, body zone: bladder, renal, hip, color: yellow, complementary color: red/blue.
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Remorseless woman driver jailed for six years for killing a man while texting and calling on two mobile phones while at the wheel. I bet there is some gal around down here that can top this. Link

[“Big Pine News”] Who said that I was your detractor? Just stating how most in the community and I see your well documented and admitted views about being far left, which in my view is “just a flea jump from communism” you not liking the definition of your placement in the spectrum of political belief does not change anything. I am not sure just how I “detracted” you. You do a service to the community with reports that can not be found anywhere else. It is your paper and you have the right to state your opinions. I do have the right to be standing at the opposite end of the political spectrum from you, and knowing Stan Becker as I did, I can not see how he would have agreed with most of your politics. All of that being said I wish to apologize if your feelings were hurt. I will still smile, say hi, and always look forward to friendly debate.

By the way your assumptions about my environmental beliefs are way off.

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[IKC] This iguana is in repose waiting for Godot.

The Israelis and Palestinians have been trapped for decades between delusions and denial and both have resorted to ideological and religious dogmas that dismiss with conviction any factual evidence to the contrary. Link
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[Citizen of the Day Says] He enjoys everything about Key West — weather, palm trees and the ability to sell liquor
my bad1[Retracted] Recently, near the end of a taped US1 radio broadcast, Bill Becker noted that NOAA’s Southeast Regional Supervisor had called to retract his earlier radio interview statement about the suitability of the shallow sewage injection wells at the landfill after learning that he didn’t know that daily, more than a million gallons of treated effluent were involved. With all due respect, at this late stage in the project’s construction, one would think the former, and first-ever, FL Keys Marine Sanctuary superintendent would at least know the basics of a project initiated to protect, not degrade, Sanctuary waters. However, I do applaud his retraction. I wish 3 of our close-minded commissioners would exercise similar objectivity. Link
[“Big cash for boat”] It is stolen or what?
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[Sewers] Here is a list of honest, reputable, licensed, hard working, dependable, reasonable priced sewer contractors in the lower Keys!
1.
2.
3.
… ah, screw it
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I remember back when the Republicans pushed for a giant artillery gun that the Army didn’t even want or need.  After they were in service it took a Democrat to notice that there never had been any  ammunition funded for the thing and he corrected that situation.
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[That is one scary bunch for impeaching Obama] We are a mixture of Republicians and Democrats and lots of Independents who SEE THE LIGHT and know if we the people do not get that loony out of the Oval Office the shiite will hit the fan big time!
from the right
 (Ed: FTR is absent today. Wait a moment and I’ll check the email one more time…Nope, no FTR.)