Friday, April 17, 2020


Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Winn Dixie] Here’s something you don’t see every day. The the Big Pine branch of the giant food chain paid for first responders and health workers’ groceries. They didn’t tell them in advance just told them they could shop at a special time away from the public. When they came to check out, they were surprised when Winn Dixie picked up the tab. Yes, free food! They were stunned and it put smiles on their faces even though you couldn’t see it under those masks.
[The Endless Repair] I’m guessing that the six lone guys actually working on the 7 Mile Bridge rehab project are not having any trouble maintaining social distancing.

 

The bike paths are for the most part a disaster. Can you even imagine biking over the 7-mile bridge with traffic whizzing by? Also, the paths/roadsides are littered with glass, pieces of metal, etc. The powers that be should get off their asses and just try walking a small portion to see what they’re really about. Another safety item would be sections of concrete barrier to provide a little safety to the bikers. Lastly, I can’t believe they consider these roadside lanes a real bike path

[Inequity] I was really sorry and also quite puzzled when I first heard that the County was forced to lay-off 61 worker-bees. Now it’s no surprise to anyone who’s been living down in Monroe County for over one season that no bosses or “fat cats” will get the axe. Only the people on the bottom of the barrel, the people who actually do the work will get the axe. Now who will get the job done? Not the bosses.
[My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary]
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew?
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m so excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called The Kitchen. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
[Our Pandemic Summer] The fight against the coronavirus won’t be over when the U.S. reopens. Here’s how the nation must prepare itself. Link
[Friday Joke] A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day   comparing their two cultures. Over a double latte, the Greek mentioned, “We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo”.
“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
“But, it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”
“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”
Knowing that he was about to deliver the coup de grace, the Greek pointed out with a note of finality, “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”
“True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”

 

 

I stepped on my scale this morning and it said: Please use social distancing, one person at a time.

[Political Correctness] What is meant by the modern term referred to as political correctness. The definition is found in 4 telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence, Missouri (fake news, but interesting) Link

 

[Papers Please] A new task force advisory is recommending everyone be tested for Corona virus.  Those who are not infected will be issued a card, to be shown in order to go to a restaurant.

[“Busted deer fence”] Something must have happened to the politician’s brother-in-law who got the original contract. Probably a nasty divorce.  Same thing must be going on with all the worthless aluminum guard rails.
[“Bike path”] The bike path was a federal project, not state or county.  I reckon they’ll get around to fixing it when they get around to fixing the deer fence along U.S. 1.

 

[After a Hurricane Smell] When your food is ruined and the refrigerator stinks to high Heaven. Absorb the odor with newspaper and charcoal. Smash about 12 charcoal briquettes used for grilling and spread the chunks on two trays. One apes in the fridge, the other in the freezer. Then crunch up newspaper and fill the shelves with it. Close the doors and walk away. Repeat every day for a week.

[Stimulus] Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another economic stimulus payment. It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format. Link

 

 

[Nature’s Smiley Face] Get your cameras ready – the Moon, Venus and Jupiter will form a smiley face in the sky next month. Link

United Way of Collier and the Keys has created a comprehensive online listing of COVID-19 Monroe County resources, including food pantries and other critical services. Any Keys resident who needs assistance should refer to this guide. In addition, UWCK is facilitating information and assistance for residents who are trying to enroll in state and federal programs. This information can be found at Link

 

If the pandemic had hit in the 80s we’d be stuck with 12 TV channels and no Netflix, internet or video games. We’d be left playing charades, Go Fish and fighting over the word search puzzles in the newspaper. So, please stop telling everyone how bored you are.

[Bike Path] Hopefully the County or State will start repairing all the damage to the bike trails. These pictures were taking within a couple hundred yards from each other on Summerland & Cudjoe Key. (Ed: Sorry, no pictures were received.)

 

 

I feel much better now that there’s an ample supply of tp again.

[Flu Shot] A flu shot won’t prevent coronavirus, but it could help our response to the outbreak. Link
[Friday Joke] My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes.’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started.

 

[“Neglected fencing”] I agree that the fencing on the deer overpass needs some work and I’m sure it will be fortified eventually. In the meantime, I suggest that we do a clean-up of the mangroves before the new fence goes in. It will be much easier to get debris and trash bags over the current fencing. Let’s do it before the rains get here. Count me in!

Socialism is not bad when it works as intended. A lot of older people can’t get past that word, never mind its meaning, after having lived through Stalin’s reign and the bastardized Socialism he supported. Don’t be afraid of a word. The US has embraced socialistic programs just like the Socialist countries have done (Welfare, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security—the really big things are all Socialist ideals). That doesn’t make them bad, as a matter of fact it makes this country better. The idea of pure socialism is a great one, but it is impossible to implement when human beings are involved. It’s just a dream, a theory. But modified socialism is practiced successfully by many democracies and it does work. Americans want health, welfare, education and security as our inalienable rights and we’re willing to pay for those rights through increased taxes. Anything else, or any better service we want, we should have to pay extra for. Call it what you must, but Americans demand national healthcare (unless someone else is paying for your insurance already, then you’re against it. Haha)
[Friday Joke] A woman walked into the kitchen and saw her husband stalking around with a flyswatter.  “What are you doing?” she asked.  “I’m killing flies” he replied.  “Get any” she asked.  “Yeah, three males and two females” he said.  “How  can you tell the difference” she asked.  He said, “three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.”

 

[Never Trust Government] When they built the deer overpass on the east end of Big Pine Key they promised that if no deer were killed after a certain length of time they would raise the speed limit in that section of road to 45 mph. That was about twenty years ago and the speed limit is still 30 at night. No deer have been killed while the fence was intact.

[“Crime is down”] The main reason the crime is way down is because we are stopping many folks in Dade and Broward from coming down right now. When they open the Keys back up take a look at the increase in crime.

 

[Free Food] Winn Dixie offers first responders and health workers secluded shopping Mondays and Tuesdays from 8-9pm. Our local manager, Jay, surprised them Monday by paying for their groceries! Video

[“Crime is Down”] Deer Ed, I think it was really irresponsible for you to publish the comment by the poster who said at the end of it “just kidding”. There too many arseholes out there who are now going to do exactly what was stated–not kidding!

 

[Sometimes You’re The Lunch] If there is a God, why does He make everything kill everything else for food?

[Captain Doom and Gloom] We have a world-wide plague but so many are so ignorant and will not follow orders they deserve to die from the stupid bug. Maybe this is a simple way to cull out the useless eaters and dysfunctional among us. If so, this is a good thing.