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Friday, September 11, 2020


Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

Water quality hits ‘poor’ for two area beaches. While area beaches in Key Largo, Big Pine, Islamorada and Marathon all came back with recent water testing marks of “good,” two of the main beaches in Key West were reported as “poor,” according to the Florida Department of Health in Monroe County.

Key West, Higgs “poor” 
Key West, Smathers Beaches “poor” 
The two Key West beaches rated “poor” were determined to have elevated levels of enteric bacteria (enterococci) in the waters.
Key West, Fort Zachary Taylor State Park “good.”
Key West, South Beach “good.”
Honda State Park (bayside and oceanside), which were rated as “good.”
Big Pine, Sandspur remains temporarily closed.
Islamorada, Founders Park “good.”
Islamorada, Anne’s Beach was untested.
Key Largo, Henry Harris County Park Beach “good.” 
Key Largo, John Pennekamp State Park “good.”
Marathon, Sombrero Beach “good.”
A lot of the time health officials do not know why the bacteria ratings are higher one day compared to any other day.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages. I have seen the post wondering about Wetstock 16. Dear Ole Ed had a pretty good idea to do a virtual Wetstock, but it just wouldn’t be the same. We will have Wetstock 16 when the virus has gone away.

I had actually planned to move it to Memorial Day weekend so we wouldn’t have to worry about hurricanes and that will be the case for the future Wetstock 16. I am assuming by the end of the year we will be able to have a full-fledged show with our favorite local bands for Wetstock 16 and turn around and do it again Sunday of Memorial Day weekend 2021. Spread the word.

Your friend, Flip Flop Bob

[“Tom Leher”] Absolutely brilliant man. Your mentioning him brought back great memories sitting with my parents and their friends in the turbulent ’60’s.  As Tom might have said, “Thanks for the mammeries.”
[Amazon Slow Delivery] Now that Amazon has lost it’s shipping mojo I find myself going to Marathon or Key West to shop in person and get what I want instead of waiting a week from Amazon. I am surprised that most prices are the same as Amazon’s.
[Horney] Florida woman, 36, is arrested after stripping naked and using a pink sex toy in an adult store. Theresa Stanley charged with indecent exposure of sexual organs and petit theft. She is accused of walking into a Fort Pierce, Florida, adult store, removing a sex toy from its packaging and using it on herself in public while wearing no pants. When police arrived, they allegedly found Stanley completely naked and pleasuring herself inside a stock room. Link

 

[“Name that plant”] Plumeria. Person wishing to know name of white flowering plant in your Sept 8 issue of Coconut Telegraph should check out Exotic Plumeria. Frangipani is a Plumeria. This plant has very good tolerance to cold weather. Hardly any fragrance, unlike all of the more colorful varieties of this plant. This variety does produce many flowers though and is quite heat tolerant. A great source of all these Hawaiian plants is Exotic Plumeria. Link

[Parenting] I think to cut down on the population explosion, all births should be proven as to who the father is by a DNA test. If found that the child is not yours, walk away.

 

 

[Humans Need People] The secret to living longer may be your social life. Video

As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of is it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

 

 

[“Tom Lehrer”] Tom sang it like it is. Full Copenhagen performance 2013. Video

[Satisfaction] Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there”, and I haven’t felt that level of job satisfaction since.

 

 

[“Name that plant”] Plumeria pudica, Fiddle leaf plumeria, Golden Arrow, flowers white with yellow center, shrub to small tree with profuse bloomer with unusual spoon-shaped leaves.

 

[Name That Plant] These appeared in the rocks by my driveway.  Very slender, tough leaves, with a bulb-like root system. What are they?

[Friday Joke] Here’s how the scam works:  Two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.  (It’s impossible not to look).  When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.    
You agree and they climb into the vehicle  On the way, they start undressing.  Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.  

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 28th.  Also, March 1st, 2nd, 8th, twice on the 9th &10th, and very likely again tomorrow and Wednesday.

So tell your friends to be careful.  What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men.  Warn your friends to be vigilant.    

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.  I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Tree and bought them out in three of their stores.  Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s.  I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart. So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

 

Suicide is among the top 10 leading causes of death in the United States, resulting in about one death every 11 minutes. Suicide Hotlines: If you are in an emergency in the United States or Canada, please call 911. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255. Youth can call the Kids Help Phone on 1-800-668-6868. These people can actually help you.

[“Marathon’s unsolved missing Federal Customs agent”] Ah, the good ol’ days back when the Keys was run by rough handed fishermen, treasure hunters and drug smugglers. The newbee residents of today couldn’t handle it. Instead they’re beholding to modern day pirates like, “the deli-boy” and “the accountant”.

 

[Dumb Luck] In 2000 at the peak of the stock market’s bubble (I had no idea what I was doing, but everyone I know was buying stocks) when stocks were at their highest (“buy high and sell low”), I bought 20 shares of Apple, that at that time, was cheap, like 20 or 30 dollars. Today, after many stock splits I have 1,120 shares totaling $144,500! I just had to tell someone about my dumb luck.

 

 

[Snow] Deadwood, S.D. reports as much as 10 inches of snowfall have been reported in the Black Hills as of 5:30 a.m. Tuesday.

[Political Correctness] To be eligible for best picture, a film must meet at least two standards across four categories: “Onscreen Representation, Themes and Narratives,” “Creative Leadership and Project Team,” “Industry Access and Opportunities” and “Audience Development.” Is creativity on the wane as political correctness overrides art? Link

 

 

The pandemic has changed the world more than 9/11.

So Hollywood is now “woke”, having instituted a quota system to which movies are required to comply in order to be eligible for Oscars. Another instance that “diversity” is just another way of saying you’ll settle for less than the best. Link

 

 

This is San Francisco Wednesday afternoon. California wildfires’ smoke turns skies orange. Link

Will the snowbirds be coming here this year?

[What Causes Key Deer Bucks To Have Weird Looking Antlers] Interesting deer fact from Save Our Key Deer, Inc. Now that almost all of our antlered neighbors have fully grown their new antler racks and have shed their “velvet”, have you seen Key Deer (or mainland bucks) with asymmetrical, weirdly shaped antlers? If you wondered why, we have some interesting info for you:  After a buck’s antler starts to grow, it remains very sensitive tissue for a long time during which accidents by the deer can alter its growth pattern. Banging into a tree or a “play fight” with another Key buck can seriously damage the growing tissue and alter the subsequent antler development, as can infection of the antler pedicle. Most bucks end-up fine, but just may not qualify for the “Hartford Insurance ad model call” like one of our Key Deer buck model rejects in photo A.

There is one other recognized reason, and much more mysterious, for deer buck’s growing weird antlers: leg injury – most often caused by deer-vehicle accidents. Front leg injuries coincide with antler deformation on the same side as the injury.
A front left leg injury will affect the antler in the same left side.
A rear left leg injury will affect the antler on the right side.

The biological mechanism controlling this relationship is not fully understood but is thought to be associated with reallocating nutrients toward healing the leg injury, instead of antler growth.

Key deer example is (was, unfortunately)  “Sideways” as BPK neighbors had named this buck (photo B), who likely got hit by a car some years ago but survived and, without vet interjection, his right back leg set at a mostly unusable angle. “Sideways” lived with his disability for at least 3-4 years, growing a “weird” antler on the opposite side of his head each year. He hobbled around, but actually did quite well–until Irma ended his life 3 years ago.  He was loved by his small herd and all humans that lived on his land. For more info on deer antler biology see Link

 

 

[Taste] How come men in drag have no taste? There are few things more tasteless than a drag queen’s getup.

[Falling Apart] Me as kid: (falls 10 feet from the monkey bars) I’m Okay!
Me now: dislocates shoulder from trying to scoop out ice cream that’s too frozen.
 



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