2013

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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsAnonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

People say circumcision doesn’t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year.
Cousineau-Ad-7.3.14
ISIS is training little children how to fire machine guns — just like we do.
night-gardener17
[“CT Book Club”] I like the idea, but I see a problem if we have to buy the book. People might not want to buy a book if they aren’t sure they’ll like it. How would we go about reviewing a book; and who would want to read it? When would we post our reviews? If you said on Wednesdays people would be posting not just on Wednesday, but for a month on any old day. Also our library only has one copy of a book and limited ‘copies’ of eBooks and audio books. Seeing as it is so easy to get a book review online, how would we be able to keep our online book discussion relevant? How about if Ed posted the book club below the CT and only posted discussion for a week or a set period of time?

I recently read a good book. The Night Gardener by Jonathan Auxier. A very dark and compelling book set in what I assume is Victorian England. If a book had a color this one would be in black and white and gray. It’s like Dickens with shadow people. Link

FTR, instead of “Get a thesaurus! Your killing our children”, shouldn’t it be you’re killing? I know that’s not a thesaurus item.
Radio-Shack-750w
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car 54
[Its 12:50 PM, waiting for Tuesday’s edition] Oh no, Ed are you ok? The Tuesday CT is late. Maybe we’ve discovered that CT actually operates out of Baja, and was crippled by the hurricane! (Ed: Oops, I forgot to push the Publish button! Good thing I checked my email at 2:30 pm and found I didn’t push the Publish button or I really would have got ten yelled at.)
To the people bitching about and foul-mouthing everything they can think about the Florida Keys I have to ask myself, why are you even here?
lower keys boat rental7.11.14
steve--martin
Steve Martin: The Great Flydini. Video
I agree that alcohol is most definitely costing employers more money. Employers have to deal with employees that don’t show up for work because they have a hangover, don’t know where they are, forgot they have a job and might be sitting in jail. Alcohol abuse which may lead to alcoholism in some people is a progressive disease. Chronic alcohol abuse will lead to a person developing a fatty liver in which the liver can longer work to its full potential. Malnutrition is also common as alcohol is substituted for meals. Poor performance in the workplace is found as the disease progresses. Depression and mental illnesses also have to be addressed. If the person does not want help they will die a horrible death.
Smoking also costs employers money in the workplace. I can only speak from working with people who smoke. When they got a cold instead of staying home for one day–they needed three. A lot of them substituted cigarettes for eating, therefore when a “bug” was floating around they got it and then gave it to everyone else due to their lowered resistance.
Both alcohol and cigarettes are currently abused in the workplace. They are both addictive drugs. When I worked they did random drug and alcohol testing every month. I think it was a good practice.
Just like the TV ads which show end stage pulmonary diseased persons, they should also show what end stage alcoholism looks like.
george-neugent9.3.14
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gort eye slit glows 240h
[“The Day the Earth Stood Still”] One of the greatest Sci Fi movies of all time. I’m glad time was re-started, Gort didn’t have to destroy us all, and the CT finally got posted.
What damage can these damn mosquito helicopters do to my house while they hover overhead and shake the hell out us? Are they liable for cracks and damage?
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elks17
[“Gourmet blindfold tasting”] I’ve obviously been eating at better restaurants than the writers, but if you want some outstanding epicurean delights, come join the Marathon Elks Lodge. Our Monday night dinners are cooked by various volunteers, all delicious and quite reasonable. Homemade everything from breads and appetizers to deserts. Beef Wellington with soup, salad, asparagus, carrots, crescent rolls and either cheese cake or bread pudding rounded out last Monday’s dinner. Profits go to support our community as well. Link
[Suicide On The Run] A Miami man, wanted by mainland police for questioning in connection with the apparent murder of his ex-girlfriend, stabbed himself to death while being detained Tuesday by Monroe County Sheriff’s deputies. Roy Ruz Blanco and his mother as well as a dog were all found by the sheriff’s office just before 3 p.m. near the Shark Key boat ramp. The mother began ingesting a large amount of unknown pills as Blanco ran from deputies while stabbing himself in the stomach with a steak knife. Blanco later died in the Lower Keys Medical Center. Local police didn’t know they were wanted for the Miami murder yet and would have let them go.
BP-Flea-Market-closed
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help wanted20Non emergency drivers for Monroe County, especially Key West and nearby Keys. Must have some experience in transporting patients in wheelchair. English speaking, clean driving and background record. Salary $10 per hour, 4 to 6 days a week, up to 12 hours per day. Email me at Classified Ads > Help Wanted
[Terrorist] We can’t stop the stupid Mexican kids coming over the borders, so how are we going to stop grown radical Muslims from invading us?
manley-deboer-7.11.14
[ISIS] At yesterday’s Senate hearing the Poobahs said they will train 5,000 Iraqis in one year to fight ISIS. We tried to train them for twelve years and they dropped their weapons and ran when they faced ISIS! What makes them think anything has changed?
cake17
Jennifer Aniston
is starring in a movie where her character is in massive chronic pain and addicted to pills and booze and has alienated everyone in her life.  It’s called Cake.  I don’t know how it got that name, but just based on the description half of my girlfriends will be able to relate.
[Who’s In Charge] Whacky politicians doing their thing. Video
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u2
Apple’s free U2 “gift”
angers many customers. Link
[“Charter fisherman”] It is not the fishermen that the bitch was about, it is the useless sport charter business itself. Stop the sports crap and go fishing to feed people, not trophy hunters. Those hunters catch the big breeders and cut down the herds. All this because they have small worms!
Springers-ad-750w
Tree commissioners are appointed by the mayor with advice from the city commissioners. People hauled before the Tree Commission know if they don’t like the “deal” the Tree Commission offers, their only other option is to appeal to the city magistrate, where they will get a worse deal, plus be assessed the city’s defense costs and court costs. And if they appeal from the magistrate, they do that in circuit court. They never get to argue their case to the mayor and the city commissioners, who appointed the tree commissioners. Property owners don’t get to put it before the mayor and city commissioners.

I once had a transcript of a Tree Commission meeting, during which the tree commissioners and Assistant City Attorney Ronald Ramingh discussed how they had gotten bested by a lawyer at the previous Tree Commission meeting. They agreed they needed to get the city ordinance changed, so they could keep doing to citizen property owners what the lawyer had convinced them they had no legal authority to do.

bacon-condom17
[Bacon Condom] Yes these really exist, I think. They might be very useful if you get an opportunity to boing Lady Gaga in her meat dress.
What a pro, even on a few days off you still managed. Thank you from Salt Springs Fl, in the Ocala National Forest.
Phil-Goodman8.14.14
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gears block wall
Nice to notice that more posters seem to be coming up with ideas about our terror situation, besides the constant critiques, a solution to my mind doesn’t have to be the whole nine yards sometimes a good movement is made up of many moving parts.
johnsons-7.9.14
[“Free drinks at the bar”] There is no such thing as a free drink any where. You pay one way or another. In short pours, over loaded ice, watered booze, watered mixers, and what have you? There are a few joints in the Low Keys I will never go back to. Lousy service if you get any at all, lousy drinks, over priced everything, and extra charges if you ask for a bit more soda to top off. I will not mention the names, but they will know!
blackeye17
[CT Online book club] Great idea. The Coma Sutra is on the #1 Best Sellers List for the last 2000 years!
DEF: Coma Sutra. Having sex with someone who is in a coma/vegetative state. Since they are limp you can do whatever you want with them short of pulling the plug
eleanor-mcadams9.1.14
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DARE17
Tommy Chong
, “Good thing I don’t do drugs!
(Editor: Deer friends, I will be away for a few days to attend a wedding and my laptop died and I’m not buying another so I won’t be publishing this Sunday, Monday, Tues and maybe Wednesday unless someone up there has a laptop I can use.)
hareens-hats8.29.14c
A caliphate—a state that can demand allegiance from all Muslims and declare jihad against the enemies of the faith—can emerge only after the wider Muslim world has been purified. Mr. Zawahiri hopes to bring Muslims out of their unredeemed state of jahilittcz —the type of spiritual ignorance that existed before the Prophet—by excising all contact with corrupting Western influences and placing governing institutions in the hands of administrators who share this vision and can promulgate it to the mass of Muslims.
whale_head00
I would like to know if anyone has any pictures of the May 2003 pilot whale rescue? Please post them or I can give my email address. Thank you so much.
[“FTR, get a thesaurus. Your killing our children”] It’s you’re, not your. If you’re going to correct the usage of the English language you should try to get your own correct.
bluewater-750w
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boar
[Tainted Meat] As a result of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster nearly three decades ago, Germany’s forests are full of radioactive boars. One in three wild board contains such high levels of radiation that it is unfit for human consumption. When the plant exploded in 1986 a cloud of radioactive particles spread across Europe and seeped into the ground. Experts feel the contaminated boars will be around for at least 50 years..
Deer Ed:  I would be happy to lend you a laptop for your use during your wedding absence.  But, hey, take a break and enjoy some time off.  You deserve it.
Chamber-ad-750w
shrimp and gritsHappy Wednesday from Springer’s Bar and Grill. We have an awesome comfort food special for you today, Shrimp and Grits. Shrimp cooked to perfection over creamy grits. Join us for this real down home southern treat.
Wednesday special: shrimp and grits
Thursday special: chicken parmigiana on hoagie
Friday special: fish and chips
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.
There’s always something special at Springer’s
Nira-Tocco-6.14
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freebie button
[“Free drink at bar”
] You know what irks me about a lot of people down here? People who are always asking for a break in a price or having the audacity to ask me for a freebie after I just finished a job for them. My job is my job. It’s what pays my bills and my life support. Many times I’ve given customers breaks and even freebies when possible. But when you own multiple homes, and you and your wife each have a Mercedes, and your kids drive BMW’s, and you have a 24 foot twin engine boat on davits, don’t you find it shameful? I find it completely disrespectful. When I need a service done for me, I either agree or disagree with the price I’m quoted. If I disagree I continue shopping around. If you can’t get a free drink from your local watering hole, then buy a bottle (without expecting a break or freebie) from your local liquor store and stay home.
accurate-home-insp-750w
money17[Ex-cop settles for $287K ~by Gwen Filosa] Without comment, city commissioners Tuesday night approved paying a former police officer $287,500 to end his 6-year-old “whistleblower” lawsuit that the city attorney said he most likely cannot win outright at a jury trial. Matthew Klosowski could prevail in front of a jury at circuit court and expose the city to a verdict worth at least $600,000 in damages, attorney fees and lost wages, City Attorney Shawn Smith told city leaders. “I do not believe there is any way a jury could find a ‘middle ground’ and envision this as an all or nothing result at trial,” Smith wrote in a memo. “While the settlement figure is significant, so is the potential exposure that would come from a judgment against the city.” Smith spent the last two weeks preparing for trial and also meeting separately with Klosowski’s attorney Mick Barnes and the city’s insurance agents. A new trial date had been set for Monday. Barnes, whose office is in St. Augustine, signed off on the deal that requires his client to drop all legal claims. The city has already spent about $4,000 on court reporter costs, Smith added, and insurance will cover 67 percent – or $191,500 – of the settlement check.

Klosowski, a Key West officer from July 19, 2004, until he resigned March 4, 2008, sued the city in December 2007 claiming he suffered harassment and retaliation from police supervisors when he reported being asked to destroy video evidence by a fellow cop. “Melt it,” and “Make it disappear,” Klosowski said his then supervisor Sgt. Pablo Rodriguez demanded of him after realizing the ICOP video system affixed to Klosowski’s patrol car had kicked on automatically the night of May 28, 2007. That night, Rodriguez was pursuing a burglary suspect, who was pedaling a bicycle along a sidewalk when Rodriguez drove his patrol cruiser over a curb and struck the suspect, Klosowski’s lawsuit states. Klosowski responded to a call for backup as Rodriguez chased the bike rider down Simonton Street. When he hit his patrol car’s flashing lights, the ICOP recorder began recording. Rodriguez turned loose the suspect, left bleeding and with a likely broken leg, without calling for paramedics, the lawsuit alleged. Rodriguez was later cleared of any wrongdoing by an internal KWPD investigation.

Klosowski read his resignation letter aloud during a trial a year ago, accusing then Chief Bill Mauldin and then-Capt. Donie Lee, who is now police chief, of allowing a campaign of harassment to go on in response to his refusal to destroy the videotape of the bicyclist incident. Klosowski said the police department’s brass made certain he got the worst job assignments, immediately starting with patrol of a “high-threat drug area” in Key West without proper backup. He later was denied a job as a school resource officer and a desk job despite his qualifications as part of a pattern of retaliation, the lawsuit alleged. At the trial, former Judge Tegan Slaton stopped everything after attorney Barnes, during closing arguments, said something to jurors that had been ruled inadmissible. Smith said he spoke to two of the jurors after the mistrial. One told him the jury had agreed to give Klosowski even more money than he had asked for and another “commented negatively” on the credibility of some of the city’s witnesses. “Our insurer is satisfied with the result and supports settlement,” Smith told the commission

fanci8.4.14
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missile17[Conspiracy Man] Is it only me, or has anyone else noticed that it’s really strange how the media is mainly focusing on the ISIS situation, and hasn’t reported much on the escalation between Russia and the E.U. and NATO? Putin is getting ready to declare war on the E.U. and NATO but it’s not big news! Last week Russian fighter exercises crossed into Alaskan and Canadian airspace purposely and not much reported about this? Vietnam is arming itself to the teeth to war with China, and not much coverage about this? The Fukushima power plant is flowing with radioactive poisoning throughout the entire pacific ocean, some 400,000 gallons per day since March 2011 and nothing on the news? Oh? ISIS is about our precious oil. My bad.
second-nature6.1.14
[“Naked Hillary photo”]  Frightening to say the least.  I had no idea that she was a Jersey Girl!
ghandi17
[“Christians supposed to turn the other cheek”] ISIS is today’s Islamic problem. What would Jesus do? Would he let the other God take over and subjugate the Mideast or other lands? If there were a God wouldn’t he do something? Any thinking person would say, “Yes!” All Christians I’ve ever known are pick and choose Christians’ adhering to particular tenants of thier religion as it suits them. As Christians, will you all turn the other cheek from ISIS or bomb the hell out of them?
Happiness is dying from liver disease and a great BJ!
politics-zone-750w
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“Liberals and Democrats are fully convinced that spending your money is the be all end all for all problems of governance. Their voices are constantly demanding ever higher taxes. They are never silent.” This posting was from a right wing supporter.

However Im a Democrat that does not believe that at all. I appreciate your trying to convince others of your assumptions but you are all to  often way off base in them.

Let me try because I can also make a case for these Conservative beliefs.

Conservatives will not be happy until America puts boots on the ground in the entire Muslim world and sends every other nation in the worlds military home so only America has skin in the game. They also want the draft to be reinstated so we can stay in a constant state of war. They are strong believers in America getting involved in a religious war that’s been going on for years and years. They do not want the muslim sects to fight their own wars without your chidren and parents being involved.

See, we all know that’s untrue but hell if the right can just make wild ass assumptions we can all play.

We would all be wrong. The same way the poster is.

By the way. The President that said “NO NEW TAXES” before a tax raise wasn’t a Democrat

from the right
pop quiz17Let’s have a snap quiz today, with only two questions. Question #1: What is the longest running and most expensive war in America’s history? Question #2: What was the outcome of that war, who won?

As to question #1: if you answered WW1, WW2, Korea, Iraq, or even Afghanistan you were flat wrong. The correct answer is the War On Poverty. It’s 50 years old and has cost us more than 3 times the total spent on all American wars since the Revolution.  As to Question #2: The war is still on going, but so far America has not won a single battle. We’re losing the war. The percentage of people in poverty 50 years ago is nearly identical to the percentage in poverty today.

Thanks to the War On Poverty the federal government currently runs more than 80 means-tested welfare programs. These programs provide cash, food, housing and medical care to low-income Americans. Federal and state spending on these programs last year was $943 billion. (These figures do not include Social Security, Medicare, or Unemployment Insurance.) Over 100 million people, about one third of the U.S. population, received aid from at least one welfare program at an average cost of $9,000 per recipient in 2013. If converted into cash, current means-tested spending is five times the amount needed to eliminate all poverty in the U.S.

The odds are that you believe that the word “poverty” means significant material deprivation, an inability to provide a family with adequate nutritious food, reasonable shelter and clothing. But only a small portion of the more than 40 million people labeled as poor by Census fit that description.

Poverty_WarAccording to government surveys, the typical family that Census identifies as poor has air conditioning, cable or satellite TV, and a computer in his home. Forty percent have a wide screen HDTV and another 40 percent have internet access. Three quarters of the poor own a car and roughly a third have two or more cars. These numbers are not the result of the current bad economy pushing middle class families into poverty; instead, they reflect a steady improvement in living conditions among the poor for many decades.

It’s nearly certain that when you think of poverty you envision hunger and children deprived of healthy and nutritious food. Not so. The intake of protein, vitamins and minerals by the vast majority of poor children is virtually identical with upper middle class kids. According to surveys by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the overwhelming majority of poor people report they were not hungry even for a single day during the prior year.

Johnson’s aim was not to prop up living standards by making more and more people dependent on an ever larger welfare state. Instead, Johnson sought to increase self-sufficiency, the ability of a family to support itself out of poverty without dependence on welfare aid. Johnson asserted that the War on Poverty would actually shrink the welfare rolls and transform the poor from “taxeaters” into “taxpayers.”

Judged by that standard or any standard, the War On Poverty is lost and will continue to be lost until meaningful reform occurs. That reform will never occur during Democrat governance. Link

Newark17
Part 2) We had a house party recently, one of the guests was a single woman, a Jersey girl. Thanks to my advanced age and general decrepitude she did not see me as an object for lust, just friendly conversation. After having about 2 and a half Cosmos, she began feeling sorry for herself and was complaining how difficult it was to “hook up” here on BPK. She said: “I call my vagina Newark, everybody knows where it is, but nobody wants to go there.” (Thanks to the late great Joan Rivers)

 

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