Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

 

 

Happy Summer, people! I don’t think it can get much hotter than it already is!
Mungo Jerry – In The Summertime

[Crooked Politics] Feds ousted top Keys Sanctuary officials in 2016. Reasons are blacked out in new report. Link

 

Pictures are from 2019’s Astronomy Photographer of the Year competition which includes 90 countries. Link

The Jamies – Summertime, Summertime
[Deluxe Shipping Containers] I was driving to Miami last week when I passed what looked like stacked shipping containers on stilts located on the ocean side in Marathon near that new city (Knight’s Key). I then noticed a sales sign. It is a housing development.  This aberration is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in the Keys. I would bet money they are developing it under the “affordable housing” scam.

 

[Zombie Bacteria] Climate change is spreading flesh eating bacteria. Link

The stock market has regained all its loses from the recent downward spiral. Stocks are the only thing that if you hold on to them long enough, will always go up in value.

 

 

 

 

[Redneck BBQ] I have way too many questions.

[Smartphones] When are they going to put something on a smartphone that holds the screen in place while you’re handing it to someone to look at. As soon as you hand the phone over it goes blank.
[Friday Joke] Interview.
Reporter: “Name?”
Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “Sex?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Reporter: “Holy cow!”
Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
Reporter: “Oh dear!”
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”

 

 

How come Bic lighters don’t explode. You would think with fuel, spark, and fire there would be plenty of explosions. I’ve never heard of a lighter catching fire or exploding. You would think there would be explosions all the time with the number of idiots running lose.

Did you read about the latest Keys utility company environmental carnage that was kept quiet and even allowed to happen with DEP knowledge? This time it was a Keys Energy project. Read the great investigative journalism article by the Blue Paper. Link

 

[Divine Right in Politics] When the law does not apply to the lawmakers and the law-enforcers, you are not being governed: you are being ruled. It’s good to be king.

England was first settled by Germanic and Viking peoples. Everyone there can trace their genes back to them.
[Trash] Islamorada City council is all upset about the loads of trash at the Indian Key landfill. Deer Commissioners, two garbage cans are not enough for a hundred people picnicking. I hope  Islamorada doesn’t fund a study that lasts for a year only to find they need more trash cans picked up more frequently.

 

[“Space travel”] The only reason we went the first time was because the Russians were going. The only reason we’re going this time is because of the Chinese are going. Link

[Friday Joke] A man phones his attorney and queries, “How much would it cost me to have you answer three questions?”
“That would be $300,” the lawyer replies.
The man says, “That’s an awful lot of money for three questions, isn’t it?”
“I guess so,” says the attorney.
“What’s your third question?”

 

 

 

[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

[The Profit of God] St. Antony’s Bonds The French Bishop launched an extraordinary financial affair with mortgage bonds on Paradise, each bond being of five francs’ value. The district was flooded with circulars and prospectuses explaining the ingenious working of these investments in celestial felicity. Each bond comprised ten coupons of half a franc, representing good works, prayers, and masses payable as interest here below, and redeemable in heaven at the cashier’s office of the miracle-working St. Antony. Premiums were also offered in order to attract subscribers. Twenty bonds gave one a right to a colored statuette of the saint, and a hundred ensured one an annual Mass. Finally, the prospectus explained that the name of St. Antony’s Bonds was given to this scrip, because it was the saint who would redeem it a hundredfold in the next world. And the announcement ended with these words: ‘Such supernatural guarantees make these bonds absolutely safe. No financial catastrophe can threaten them. Even the destruction of the world, at the end of time, would leave them in force, or rather would at once place the holders in the enjoyment of the full capitalized interest. ~Emil Zola 1902
[Sidewalk Hustlers] Can a Key lime pie seller stand outside his shop? This week, the talk was over whether it’s legal for a pie maker to stand outside his shop. Someone apparently complained that he was blocking the sidewalk by standing outside on the corner greeting would-be customers in his tall, lime green chef’s hat. Kermit Carpenter has been doing just that for about 25 years.

Will someone tell these tourists the guy sells pudding pies — not real Key Lime pies with egg meringue and honey drizzled atop them, but he is a Key West business and a local who should be respected. Tourists should be forced to walk around his space unless they’re buying something from him. Go ahead haters, tell me you’re never coming back to Key West. Most of the locals were broke before TDC got you here and life was simpler. Link

[Summer] The Summer Solstice is today. Everything you need to know about the longest day of the year. Link
[The Round House] Does anyone have a currant picture of that weird round house on Cudjoe Key now that it’s finished. I hoped they planted a lot of trees to hide it. Did you know that a real roundhouse is: A locomotive maintenance shed built around a turntable. Or a blow given with a wide sweep of the arm. “The boxer caught him on the jaw with a roundhouse”.

 

 

 

 

[“Feeding deer”] The deer folks say not to feed deer corn because they can’t digest it. I have two friends who have been feeding deer cracked corn for years and their herds are both very healthy. What else have the deer people told us that is wrong?

[College Student Speaks] My generation is blind to the prosperity around us. Destroying the free market will undo what millions of people have died to achieve. Link
[Tap Water] There has been another fluoridation overfeed into tap water that authorities tried to hide instead of warning the public. Now that some people know, the city plans to tell their customers about it on the next water bill: “Oh, by the way, we poisoned you last month and thought we should tell you now.” That could so easily have been from the Keys.
Speaking of badly run public utilities, the water coming from the shower head on my last two showers smelled septic. I smelled better before washing! I think the hot water tank got a slug of really nasty tap water and is metering it back as it refills. During sewer construction, my street got a way oversized water main to replace the smaller old one that worked fine but was old. Oversize mains do not exchange water often enough, plus the end of the main will accumulate stagnant water that eventually turns to a jell-o-like glob of stinky goo. Some of that crap moves back into the main when pressures drop. The end of a dead end road is the worst risk for bad water. The old mains on dead end Keys streets often had a loop of smaller pipe, often 2″ pipe, that kept water quality much Better. But that was when they had engineers and designers that knew what they were doing and utilized good design practice. Read about some of the overfeeds. Link
[Religion] When you can give people your delusion, that’s called religion.
[Arby’s] I’d shorten the name to RB’s. just because I could.

There’s only one surefire way to save the earth, kill all the humans. Sooner or later mother earth will decide, enough is enough and come up with some method to rid her of the pestilence that has been creating problems for the past 20000 years.

The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, June 22, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

 

LaCroix is the best sparkling water that doesn’t contain sweeteners or artificial anything. It comes in may flavors. It’s wildly popular and there are many imitators. I wonder why they don’t make a ginger flavored variety that will mix well with bourbon.

Who is creating all these instant ghettos in the Keys? Those factory-built junk boxes degrade our property values and bring in nothing but low renters. Ban them please.