Stupid Tourist Questions

	?Stupid Tourist Questions? Menu
1	"What state governs The Florida Keys?"
2	How about the man who came running up to the security checkpoint at the airport and breathlessly asked the first TSA guard on duty, "Has my wife been through here yet?"
3	I got asked yesterday" Are the Keys part of the United States?"
4	"Where is the Key deer viewing area?" Can you imagine all the little deer running around realizing they were late to get to the viewing area; or calling in sick, etc.
5	My favorite tourist question that I have been asked more than once is “How long is the 7 mile bridge?”
6	When working on the glass bottom boat at Sand Key reef, I was asked "It this salt water all around here?"
7	When standing in front of the twenty foot AQUARIUM sign in Key West a tourist asked me "Could you tell me where the fish aquarium is?" Is he kidding, "Fish" aquarium?
8	I used to love it when they walked into my liquor store on Big Pine (no, it's not Coconut's or Big Pine liquors) and asked me "How much further is it to the Keys?"
9	"How far is it between mile markers?"
10	"Are the coconuts in the trees real?"
11	"Do you live here?" No. I commute from Ohio.
12	"I heard Hemmingway was sick." Not anymore.
13	"How many sunset celebrations are there a day?"
14	"What kind of money do you use here?"
15	"How much is it to take the Conch Train to Cuba?"
16	"Where do the homeless people live?"
17	"Are the gay people real or are they actors?" No, it's like Disney world. We give them costumes at the start of their shift.
18	I work in a doctor's office and I actually had a CRS from an insurance company ask me if we "took American money in the Keys?" Go figure!
19	While running a sunset cruise a tourist asked "How many sunset trips do you run a day?"
20	Oh, this is a fun topic! My favorite is “Does the water go all the way around the island?”
21	My favorite was when I was working at Little Palm Island (I know it sucks, I'm not proud I worked there). A woman asked me what we use for anchors so the island doesn't float away.
22	My visitors said, "We'll all go south tonight for dinner, ok?" I said, "What do you mean south?" My visitor then said, "Key West. You know, it's south of here." I replied, "You're right, I guess that's why they call it Key West."
23	I was once asked if a group could ride the Conch Train to the Dry Tortuga’s
24	My favorite was: "How do I drive to Looe Key Reef?"
25	[Ignorant tourist questions] Some of the stupid questions asked at the front desk at a Little Torch Key Resort: When do we get to the Keys? (Just keep driving, you'll know!) Which way is Key West? (West!) Do they have the sunset at that Mallory Square every night? (Only on weekends and holidays!) Does that Conch Train go all the way to Miami? (Not quite but they're working on it!) How far is it between the mile markers? (Hmmm, let me think!) Does Hemmingway still live in Key West? (Not since he shot himself in Idaho!) Is there anything to do in Key West? (It all depends, big guy!) Are there restaurants in Key West? (You'll probably find a few!) Is there, like, a scenic road to Key West? (Sure. Just go the corner and turn right. You can't miss it!) Do they charge admission to Key West? (Not yet but it's a thought) Hence the saying: “Your brain. Don't leave home without it!”
25	[Stupid tourist questions] Why is the Southern Most Point--dull? I saw a wild crocodile at the Blue Hole. Are they tame? Do I get my money back for the trip if sunset is cancelled? Is it true you can't get a DUI in the KEYS? Are dogs allowed in the bars here? How come there are so many abandon and boarded up houses in the Keys? Why are all the police officers in the Keys are overweight? Where can I buy one of those cool Mexican vests and a head band? Does drinking lots of Rum really keep you from getting sun burned? Why is the bike path only one way? Are clothing optional places clean enough for my child? Why aren't there any good daytime TV shows in the Keys? Is it against the law to ware underwear in the Keys? Is Atlantic Shores a five star restaurant? Any place in Key West that I'll need Black Tie? Can I rent a boat to do to Cuber?
27	I’ve got a new one. I overheard a phone call from a guest at a Marathon resort to the manager. The guest wanted to know if they could cool the pool because it was too hot (2pm in July). A few minutes later another guest wanted him to catch their kid’s gerbil that was lose in one of the rooms. No wonder we drink so much in the Keys.
27	My friend asked if I could take her to the Seven Mile Bridge so she could tell her friends back home she’d been on it, but she asked, “We don’t have to drive the whole thing, right? I don’t want to waste so much time!”
29	"I understand there are 42 bridges in the Keys. Which one do I take to get to Key West?"
30	Once in Key West I was asked if the sunset was on the same side of the island every day!
31	While working at the old KDs restaurant in Big Pine Key, I was asked by a "touron" why in the world would I work in a place where they kill "dolphin" for food! Then he threatened to call Fish & Wildlife to report KDs because “that’s illegal to kill ‘dolphin’”.
32	I had a guy ask me during the 35th Poker Run: How do all these motorcycles get across the water to the islands?
33	While walking on Key Deer Blvd, I am often asked by tourists “when the alligator show will start.”
34	At the Blue Hole, I sometimes try to prevent an imminent alligator "accident" by politely suggesting that people a) not continue eating their submarine sandwich while hanging over the viewing platform and looking at the alligator, or b) not allow their little dog to stand near the water's edge with an alligator several yards away. Their answers are always the same: "It's okay; I'm keeping an eye on the alligator." Apparently tourists don't understand that alligators do climb out of the water and can move much faster on land than tourists or their dogs!
35	I was in the Key West K-Mart this morning and heard a lady ask the door person if she could drive to Florida from here! She was on a cruise ship and she was an American!
36	What currency do you use here?
37	When I worked at Bahia Honda State Park we had a tourist ask if he could dive "underneath the island"
38	While working at a dive shop I was asked "Is there a gift shop on the reef?"
39	A variation of an older one "Is there water on the other side of the Island?"
40	Sitting in the Lobby Bar in the Radisson Hotel, a tourist came in and asked "Is this the Tiki Bar."