Wednesday January 31, 2007

Chili today, hot tamale.

[Party boat to Cuba] they won’t need any Jeepneys for shuttles as they already have a large fleet of restored 50s and 60s American cars, mule carts and bicycle rickshaws.

[everyone on drugs] That’s very true. Do you know anyone who isn’t on drugs? Oh, I’m sorry, you don’t think being on legal drugs counts, do you? If your doctor says it’s ok to take drugs to make your life easier, that’s ok? American’s are mostly hypocrites. A good example is that junkie, Rush Limbaugh. He takes more oxicontin than any user I know, but right wing conservatives love him. If Howard Stern took drugs the right-wing conservatives would discount him for being a user, but it’s all right with Rush.

Wednesday January 30, 2007? Should we invest and get our editor a new calendar?

To the volleyball mom who hasn’t seen an iguana; tell her to buy a hibiscus and watcher it for a couple of hours.

[Mile Marker 24 Band] I’m so excited that I just had to stop and drop you all a note before we hit the road for the drive back to the Keys from Nashville!  (It is cold up here!) We’ve just finished up ten days here in recording our new CD and we are ready to party, Keys style, and you are invited!!!  Join us this Saturday night, Feb. 3 at Boondocks on Ramrod Key. (Mile Marker 27.5) The fun kicks off at 7:00 p.m. with the Mile Marker 24 Big Band .  We’ll share some of the new music plus we’ll have giveaways, a Limbo contest, and of course we’ll fire up the old Johnson and make you a margarita.  Hope to see you then!

[Sax and rock ‘n roll] The electric guitar lead didn’t really start until the early sixties, at last most of the stuff on the radio. And some of the bands…gasp, didn’t even have an electric guitar until that time and like the other guy said, they only played rhythm.

Senator John Kerry went to the floor to make what he called an important and urgent announcement. Unfortunately this is another example of sloppy journalism. The media said [it was] Kerry announcing he will not run in 2008. But in fact, it was Kerry simply completing his concession speech from 2004.

I’m looking for a new HDTV, but am totally confused by all the differences. I looked in two places and am more confused as to which one I should get. What is the difference between720p and 1080p DLP? HDMI-to-HDMI and HDMI input? I know plasma TV’s have glare and don’t last as long and that LCD TV’s only have a certain viewing angle, but that’s it. What should I look for so I’m not sorry after I buy it?

Answers to: ”If the Keys are so great..”
How come Jimmy Buffett doesn't live here?  ANS:  Because he tried it and didn’t like it but t-shirt and cheeseburger sales are strong!
My relatives won't visit?  ANS:  They can’t afford to stay in a local hotel!

Why does it smell like spoiled eggs all the time?  ANS:  Please wash your feet and change your socks!
Why does the water look like a sewer overflow near the shoreline?  ANS:  Because the cruise ships dump all their sewage to wash back in with the tide. 
Why do I want to come back all the time?   ANS:  It’s the great happy hour deals on $1 cans of Busch!
Why does the grass try to snake between my toes like an anaconda?  ANS:  Your toes are spread wide apart and the grass senses fertilizer!
How come there are no monkeys?  ANS:  They were relocated from Key Lois (Monkey Island) because the animal rights zealots needed another cause!
There is no sand?  ANS:  Because we are sitting on top of an ancient coral reef not a desert!
The coconuts don't taste like coconut?  ANS:  Let them ripen and add plenty of rum!
No one can sell their house when they want to at the listed price?  ANS:  Because the listed price is ridiculous for 900 sq. ft. on stilts in a hurricane zone!
Does anybody know the answers to these questions?  Now you do!

I enjoy watching good athletic performance.  I am unimpressed with steroid-enhanced freaks displaying lack of self-control on and off the field of competition.

I once worked at 2 for 20 Pizza; that was when the two so-called men owned it . I would see everyday how things would go crazy. I quit the job there. Now I must say the place has really turned around. The pizza is great and Wayne, the owner, cares about the people who order. Good luck and I will be ordering again.

Ed, great picture of the Taxi-Raft.

[Everyone in this Country is on some kind of drug] Coffee, Tea, Booze, Sugar, Salt, etc!

Shhhhsh! Ed, maybe no one else saw, but yesterday was Tuesday the 30^th.  I know you are just keeping us retired ones on our toes. Caught ya!

[Iran is installing a nuclear centrifuge] You are volunteering the Israelis since everyone hates them anyway. I thought the Bush administration was going to rid the world of terrorists. And why would you want someone you hate to save your ass. On the other hand, they wouldn't have to be asked not ordered they will do it when they feel the threat is imminent to them.

[Islam sounds more like Jim Jones’s Peoples Temple or David Koreash’s Branch Dravidians] Just like any church or synagogue. They are all the same BS!

[Hung like a Moose] I really don't think this is what most people think when they use this phrase! They were laying new power cables near Fairbanks, Alaska which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. He was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. He was a huge bull and really pissed!

Sorry to correct you, but the word is jitney not Jeepney. We used to ride them in Miami in the old days of 1954. 25 cents to go anywhere.

Here is the link www.c-b.com to the company who is Developing the "US 1 Corridor Enhancements Plan".  If you want to protect your home and your Keys existence as is, look into these guys and understand what they are up to. It is not only the Keys that are at stake, but anywhere a politician can be bent and land can be had to make millions with. We locals are going to loose this one, and it will be a disaster for the Keys as well. Think before you vote next time. If there is a next time!

[Homeless survey] While in the laundry near Big Pine's Winn-Dixie recently, I spilled some liquid soap and needed to go to the bathroom to rinse my hands. The door was locked and a sign said to see attendant for the key. I'd never had that happen before, and the attendant said it was because of the homeless. I said the homeless need a place to go to the bathroom, and she said they had been going into the bathroom and trashing it and passing out in there, so now they couldn't use it. I said they shouldn't ought to have done that . . .Sloan's Space

[Iraqi Military]  Another reason why it takes so long to create an effective Iraqi Army is you're training a nation who followed Soviet doctrine for decades and now you're asking them to use American doctrine.  Americans entrust senior enlisted people to instruct and lead combat forces.  Not the case with an Army trained under Soviet doctrine.  It can take years to school a soldier to be entrusted to train and lead junior soldiers.  The battle last Saturday against a sizeable insurgent force gives promise that the Iraqis are getting there, but still need U.S. advisors and air support.  

Hi Ed, My teaching is picking up significantly and baseball season is upon us so I'm running short on time and energy. I'm considering doing Deer Abby every other Monday instead of every Monday (unless, of course, it will get me fired). If you're going to replace me, I'll just suck it up and keep on the same schedule. And hey, we never had a company Christmas party--what gives?  

Hi, I am looking for the guy who wrote some stuff about my car accident May 29th 2005. Can you  please give him and only him my email address? indianangel12219@aol.com . It was the car accident caused by Darren Bell. I was in the accident, my sister (best friend ) was killed. Thank you and everyone down there that helped us.

Another meeting was held at the Sugarloaf School on 30 Jan., for the Route 1 Corridor Beautification and Tax Money Diversion Plan. Yes, it had all the fixings of an artistic con job as did all the other meetings. The companies and the Building dept guys, had that blank stare and presented all the niceties of how they want to make the Lower Keys, Keyzeland and prime the visitors to our homesteads to show them how cute and quaint it is here. Remember how the theme parks started?  I wish I knew who started this crap, I'd find a strong rope and use it! There's only one thing needed here in the Keys--to leave us alone. Period!

Wanted: Woman who has a boat and likes to go fishing and doesn’t need walks on beach, candlelight dinners or cuddling. Please send picture of boat.

Tinted windows are done at extreme Audio KW and Keys Truck Acc in Marathon. Both are great, but Extreme uses best tint in the biz. You get what you pay for.

The Piper Road Spring Band, the best bluegrass band in the land, will play Friday night at the Key Deer Bar and Grill. It starts at 7 pm and runs till 11pm. It’s another backyard B-B-Q bash by ye ole Capt Dan. Plenty of food and beverages. Plenty of seats and the weather will be great along with the music. It's a bluegrass band in concert. See you at the Key Deer this Friday, Feb. 2^nd.

[switching from Cingular to Vonage] Vonage is not a cell phone company, but a VoIP company.  (Voice over Internet)  What this means is that you use your home phone connected to a small box that in turn is connected to your high speed internet connection (Cable, DSL)  Vonage does now have available a small cell phone-like handset that you can use w/o wires, but you need to have access to a Wi-Fi service.  You cannot use Vonage (or other VoIP services) without having High Speed Internet.

I've use both Vonage and Packet8 VoIP service and find both to work great.  Sound quality is as good as your regular home phone, with a similar delay that you would experience with a cell-phone.  What's nice about both is that wherever in the world you go where you have access to high speed internet, you can have you home phone with you.

This year's annual chili cook off, held Sunday at Coconuts and hosted by Southernmost ABATE, was a huge success. It was our biggest ever and all who attended were in fine form. 

Winners were: Worst chili: John Frusco, second best chili: Diane Gaffield and the top chili was made by Bob and Dixie Henckel.

Many thanks to all who entered their homemade chilies, and to all who attended. Profits from this event and others hosted by our motorcycle chapter go to Lower Keys charities.

Ultimate Journey. Great video. I’ll bet they were cold.

How about some great news for awhile?
1. I think the snowbirds are pretty friendly this year and they seem to be enjoying the sunshine.
2. I went to Rob’s for lunch the other day and enjoyed it. Rob was pleasant and the food wasn’t bad at all.
3. The postal service seems to have it all together again and maybe the people saying it was the Christmas rush that had things a little off kilter were right. My mailman’s doing a good job.
4. 2 for 20 Pizza deserves Kudos for their customer service day. Remember some folks would bitch if you gave them a million dollars in dollar bills.
5. Its great living in the Keys year round. Soon the swimming holes will be open to us locals and the party will begin.
6. All snowbirds are required to leave your daughters behind this year if they are over 21. Sorry it’s a new Manlaw.
7. R.C. at least has the food coming out of Capt. Dans tasting better. Now they just need some smiling customers.

Keep smiling folks!

The deadline for publishing is 6am

Wednesday January 31, 2007

(It's really Tuesday)Wednesday January 30, 2007

The new Vista operating system cost Microsoft six billion dollars to create and they are spending a half billion to advertise it.

I watched a few early 50’s movies yesterday and almost gagged. They were completely bland and without soul. The only good song, that I liked, was Willy and the Hand Jive.

That was the period when the saxophone was king. The only thing the Fender Strats and Telecasters did was too play bland “rhythm”. Everyone was waiting for the sax solo at the break. The sax would blow that long, low, sleazy sound that would really make you feel.

That’s when I signed up at a music store to take saxophone lessons. I couldn’t sleep all week such was my excitement. I wanted to learn to play real great and not tell anyone and then one day at a wedding or something, I’d get up there and play my ass off and all the girls would want me. Well, it didn’t work out that way.

When the great day finally came I went to the shop for my first lesson; the cool dude with the tilted tam and shiny trumpet asked where my sax was? Oh, oh, I hadn’t thought about that. I just thought they would give me one. That was the end of my sax dream.

When you start that party boat/shuttle to Cuba be sure to have a fleet of highly noticeable Jeepneys to pick up the touristas at either end to get them to the hot spots, hotels, and to and from their cars.  Or maybe that could be somebody else's startup business.

[Longtime KW Citizen Photographer has a new book] Michelle at WAIL said to give you a shout. My book is available at www.roboneal.com I hope you like it!

n Feb. 2006 my granddaughters were invited to play volleyball with a group at Watson field.  They will be here again in a few weeks and would like to practice with this group.  What day would they expect the girls to be there? I still have not seen an iguana.

I don't know why the Iraqi army isn't ready, but I have a theory; when our new soldiers are put on active duty they are mixed in with those who have a lot of experience already.  The Iraqis have not been allowed independent action in decades and are getting their experience on-the-job without that seasoned help in their ranks.

Worker dead at desk for five days. a fifty year old man died of a heart attack in NY and no one noticed him dead. His boss said the guy was always the first in and the last to leave so everyone assumed he was still working. the moral here is that you should nudge your co-workers once in a while.

[Clinton leaving dead people behind] It sounds like you are a history revisionist, or even worse a conspiracy theorist. Vance Foster’s death was not Clinton’s fault. Who else do you think he had killed? Who did Bush have killed? Four thousand of our sons and daughters and still counting?

Some of you are so thick headed that whenever you hear Clinton’s name you meltdown for irrational reasons. His only crime was lying to Congress about having sex; and any rational person would do the same thing to save his marriage. His lying had nothing to do with government or the nation. It was a very personal matter. Sure he screwed up, but not to elicit the venomous hate I see in this country.

[tint the windows on my car. Anyone know someone?] Yes, I do.  The name is Shady Creations and he does Auto Detailing, Window Tinting, Wash and Wax on your vehicle. He came to my work and tinted my truck windows right there on the spot and did an absolutely wonderful job with quality products (3M) at a reasonable price. You can contact him at 305-849-6572.

Anybody that worships a polygamist pedophile (had many young wives Mohamed) 5 times a day and thinks that you get 40 virgins and lots of wine (neither of which they’re supposed to partake of on earth) and if you take a non-believer with you to death you go to heaven-- is a radical and not worthy to call it a religion (maybe a cult would be more descriptive). Islam sounds more like Jim Jones’s Peoples Temple or David Koreash’s Branch Davidians.

[warning about Southernmost Furniture continued] The customers you are referring to are very good friends of mine and I know for a fact that the mattress was exchanged only once due to terrible sagging after 3 months and my friend has never had back surgery. After hearing my friend’s bad experience with Southern Furniture and reading your untrue slanderous comments, I will never buy anything from you myself. That’s just bad business! --kwddlaw@bellsouth.net

I can no longer relate to a black dominated (70%) overpaid sport Indiana-Illinois world championship Super bowl. I'll rent a movie Sunday.

I understand that there used to be a ferry that went to Cuba.

Damn, I wish that global warming stuff would hurry up its cold!

Our county judges in Ohio are subject to drug testing like any other county employee. So far, so good.

I agree; kudos to Ed. He devotes a lot of time for this site for us.

Everyone in this Country is on some kind of drug, so what are you talking about?

Lost. Nokia cell phone on Thurs or Fri. Jan 26. Bob 872-4648

As a lifetime ABATE member I would like to say what a great time was had by all at our ABATE Chili Cookoff Sunday. Thank you Coconuts and staff.

[Car Ferry] If we hadn't sunk the taxi-raft the Cubans were bringing over we could have used it or any of the numerous Cuban boats that are laying around. 

I agree with the posting that made the statement about the Iraqi army. After 4 years they should be doing something. I don't know where that person got his Basic training and AIT but when I was in, it was only 8 weeks each. 8 weeks of basic and AIT does not a soldier make. I just knew enough to get my ass shot off. Do you remember the high stepping units of the Republican Guard, Saddam’s elite? They looked like heroes--on the battlefield they were zeros. It is very hard to teach illiterate people from books, which is the system of the Americans, I believe. They have to be taught by the monkey see, monkey do method. I have conducted instruction like that with success.

Bush is always telling us how much political progress Iraq has made only to be screwed by violence. The facts are that Iraq has had its politics and institutions fall apart since the American invasion. Its state was dismantled, the social order destroyed and its civic institutions and sense of community ruined by sectarianism. The three major sects were never even brought together to see how they could live together. The only good thing Bush did was get them to hold elections and write a Constitution (that’s mostly ignored). Yea, I know, the media doesn’t report the good stuff.

I lost my cell phone and am considering switching from Cingular to Vonage because of the T.V. commercials. What's the latest cell phone info for the Lower Keys area?

Key West to Cuba transportation is only likely if the KW Junta thinks it can make money that way. If you think for one minute any individual would be allowed to set up a shuttle business to a commie country, guess again. Besides that, all the niches in Cuba are already controlled by Euro and Asian interests. But then there's the Mob connection!

The deadline for publishing is 6am

Wednesday January 30, 2007

Monday January 29, 2007

And it is going to be colder tonight! I’m moving to the tropics. Oops, I forgot, I already did.

[To all the anal retentive FIRM supporters of the Florida Keys] Anal-ites, first of all let me tell you what the insurance companies did and let me make it perfectly clear. The insurance companies didn’t make 60 billion dollars last year because they were a bunch of dumb asses, but I digress. You know when your cars are starting to get old and you want to sell it.  The normal process is to list it in the newspaper or other ad sources and bump it up a thousand dollars or two higher than you really want.  Well, that’s just what the insurance companies did.  What you’re going to pay after this is over with is exactly what the insurance companies wanted from the get-go.  They were just figuring out what they could get away with.  So before you start putting a few sexually frustrated women on a pedestal, use you head and think about it. FIRM did squat. --Govwatch05@netscape.com

How come after four years the Iraqi army isn’t ready for the job? I went to basic training for six months and advanced infantry training for a few more and I was ready.

[To the woman who was hit on by the drunk, smelly biker dude at Key Deer Bar and Grill] My question is: How is that the fault of the establishment?  You go to a bar and sit down and have one undesirable guy hit on you, so you won't go within 500 yards of it again?  If I used that form of logic, I would never walk into a bar ever again in my life.  If someone was really bothering you, I recommend you get up and move, or at least tell one of the folks that work there that you are being pestered and I'm sure you would have gotten some results.  Just a suggestion; give them another try.

Injade performs their fun energy and great rockin’ this weekend. Friday, February 2^nd at the Looe Key Tiki Bar US1 MM27 1/2 at 7pm. And this Saturday, February 3^rd at Sugarloaf Key KOA US1 MM20 at 6pm.

A car ferry would be great to take to Cuba.

The least used phrase in the English language is "Touchdown—Bears!"

[Two postings I'm in agreement with] The assertion that code enforcement rewrites laws is not far from the truth. Question mark notwithstanding. The fact is certain individuals in that agency are quite comfortable making up rules as they go along, by arbitrarily changing, reinterpreting, and inventing ordinances at their pleasure and convenience.  This practice is absolutely treacherous. It is rule by caprice. It has happened over and over for years, and getting worse.  Also, these decrees don't qualify as law exactly, and a good lawyer can make a nice living shoving them back where they came from. The trouble is, taxpayers pay both ways. Also, code enforcement works in consort and lockstep with the local FEMA Gestapo, destroying lives in this county. I can't think why anyone would assert lame denials to that fact, when it's as plain as the schnoz on your puss.

One day, there will be a revolt and a crowd on their doorstep with the ropes, torches, shovels, and clubs, and I'll be somewhere near the front.

One more thing. The profoundly moronic comparison of gambling in the stock market with losing the rights of absolute ownership, is a testimonial to stampeding advancement of socialism in this country. Somebody tell Jim Jones they're breeding them faster than Kool-Aid can make their drink.

I need someone to tint the windows on my car.  Anyone know someone?

[In Muslim countries their kids are taught religious intolerance and hatred of other religions] This quote from another post is a bunch of crap and promotes hatred in itself.  I know a Muslim physician in our country that speaks to other religious groups about the tolerance of all faiths.

[Key West will shrivel and die, serving only as a jumping off place for Havana.] Key West has shriveled and died years ago. As far as a jumping off place to Cuba, who in their right mind would drive or fly into Key West to boat of fly to Havana when it takes only 30 minutes to fly from Miami or any major airport?

This site is the coolest mix of funny and fascinating I've ever read.  Some days the whiners get you down a bit, but there's always a bounce-back before long.  Thanks, Ed for all the time and effort you must put in to keep this going as regularly as you do.

[Key West to Havana via the ferry] Are you kidding? It’ll never happen. My car insurance company would never cover my vehicle for a trip like that.

On the trash can overflow on US1 call Maya T.

This is for the owner of the Parker boat named Key Purr.  I'd like to introduce you to a little thing called Karma.  Next time you are rounding Summerland Key along the shoreline, try slowing down as to not throw such a wake down our canals.  Had you been going idle, like you were supposed to, you would not have run aground quite so hard.  Hopefully, it taught you a hard-learned lesson.  

Wal-Mart announced that, on January 1, 2007, it will begin offering  customers Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine at an affordable price, in the $2- $5 range. Parrotdise Restaurant’s Big Pecker wine doesn’t have to fear this competition.

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for  the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

[My last Yankee girlfriend] Is this her?

In response to some negativity about 2 for 20 Pizza's free giveaway last week, I decided to get my first meal there to judge for myself. The pizza was great, crispy light sweet dough, fresh sauce and topping. Also excellent was the service. I forgot to get my credit card back, and when I went there the next day, it was stowed away safely for me. No trips to Vegas appeared on my statement (that I didn't know about!) I'll be back, free or not!

The absolute best-ever response to a “Dear John” letter. This marine collected photos from is fellow soldiers and sent them to his former girlfriend.

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex?  Me neither."  --Steve Martin

Howard Livingston and The Mile Marker 24 band arrive back from recording their new CD in Nashville Tennessee to play one show only at Boondocks Grill and Draft house this Saturday, February 3^rd on Ramrod Key. (Mile marker 27.5 on US 1) The show starts at 7:00 PM and will feature the Mile Marker 24 Big Band. As always there will be giveaways, door prizes, a Limbo contest and they will fire up the old Johnson outboard margarita maker and make a batch for you. For more information call 305-849-1927 or visit www.milemarker24.com or www.myspace.com/milemarker24

Today I saw Hilary Clinton fire a broadside at the Bush administration. What a phony. I read a list the other day, and it looks like the Clintons are like the Plague, leaving a lot of dead people behind them. The Vince Foster death was very suspect, but there are so many others. If all those people could be brought back to point a finger, Slick Willie and Hillary won't even be elected for dog catcher.

If Cuba opened up somebody with some initiative could start a party boat/shuttle service over to the hot spots.  Make deals with hotels on either end and parking areas in the Keys and you'd have a thriving business. 

We gave Key Deer Restaurant another try yesterday (have not been there in over a year because it took over 2 hours to get our food) so we gave them another shot. It took 10 minutes for a wait person to come to our table and after ten minutes we noticed another table had gotten up to get there own drink at the bar. So we left. Sorry, we tried, but don't think we will be back for a long time. We went to Rob’s and had a great meal with great service. Sorry Capt Dan. --saabsonett@aol.com

The deadline for publishing is 6am

Monday January 29, 2007

Sunday January 28, 2007

This is a cool site for bible fans. You get to select what version, book and chapter and then the map zooms in on the location where the event mentioned took place. BibleMap.org

In response to the warning about Southernmost Furniture and Europa mattresses. We exchanged that mattress twice in six months at the customer’s request. The customer complaining is on their sixth mattress in less than one year! Customer had back surgery. We sold over 2,000 beds and this is the only customer we walked away from because they were unruly and rude! 
--jason@southernmostfurniture.com

My last Yankee girlfriend stunk and threw poo. Maybe she was a monkey? Are they native to Atlantic City?

I don’t know the purpose of this site except to tell the viewer in one very long paragraph how nice it is to have a pet. Animals are worth it

Everybody blames the growth management for too many things that they aren't responsible for. Believe me, they do enough damage, but the stuff about having your downstairs enclosure inspected isn't just to give code enforcement something to do. It is a compromise made between Monroe County and FEMA that allowed Monroe County to stay on the recipient list in the event of hurricane or other natural disaster damage.

FEMA has been using Monroe County as an experiment for 30 years to try to develop a plan to decrease the damage done by floods. We are totally surrounded by water (duh) and have a small number of people living here in comparison to the length of land (100 miles plus). Aside from that, we as a whole, are probably the most complacent people in the United States. Even though we have far less flood damage that, lets say, the Mississippi Delta, we are the guinea pigs.

A few years ago FEMA wanted to drop us from the list of areas that they would help in the event of a hurricane because Monroe County was dragging it's feet regarding the inspection and removal of downstairs enclosures. These inspections are mandated by FEMA, not code enforcement. You do not need to have Code enforcement perform these inspections. There are several people who are licensed to do these and aren't looking for code violations. The next time you want to blame somebody for this one, please direct the blame properly. FEMA is also the one that won't let you keep your washing machine or lawn mower (or anything else) in your downstairs enclosure.

Based on what I have read of County Administrator Tom Willi's and other people's comments in the Citizen and Keynoter, and have heard Tom and other people say on US 1 Radio, dating back to the 18-hour hurricane evacuation report to Governor Bush, I personally believe Tom needs to move on. But it's not my call to make. I'm telling people that this is a very difficult thing facing the county commission, and it needs to be done carefully and thoroughly. Here are some thoughts about how that might go . . .Sloan's Space 

To the whacko saying, "if you work for the government you will always be entrenched.” Pass on drinking the bong water next time, dude.

Ah, the Spider Ranch…Fond memories of my youth; even the many that were lost while living through. Those were the days, my friends. How did we ever survive them?

Does the person who had code enforcement harass them about the lot they own, live on Ramrod?  There is a lady there who has been driving around looking for things to turn people in for.  She doesn't even try to hide it.  If people ask her she will come right out and tell them what she is doing.  Her husband will at least lie about it and try to save face in the neighborhood.  Don't you love these people who will get their house done then look for things to prevent others from making our community look better?  They should move to an area where they have no neighbors.  I hear the North Pole is nice this time of year.  I think Santa needs to build a new addition on his pole for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  This lady should go check the situation out and make sure they got a proper permit. 

I wonder if our editor will call this slander.  I did mention Santa and his reindeer.  Maybe they are related to the drunk at the Key Deer.

Yesterday, while driving on Kew Deer Blvd toward US1 a large boat being towed by a pickup dropped one of it's outriggers onto the side of the road. I cut behind CVS drug store when they got stopped by the light and tried to flag them down on the Highway, but they refused to pull over. It would have behooved them to do so, because now they will have to spend a couple of hundred dollars or so to replace it. I retrieved it and I intend to post it on Lost and Found, and if I hear nothing in a reasonable amount of time will post it for sale cheap or maybe even free.

[Maggots and moths update] This morning I noticed that one of my five or so pupae emerged as a moth, the same species as the one I caught in the cupboard. I believe, thanks to the two knowledgeable posters on this forum, that they are Indian Meal Moths. It's interesting to find out that they can actually chew through cardboard and even plastic. On Monday I'm going to call Kim Gable at the County extension service to see if she is familiar with these moths. I have to go into K West Tues.; I might just drop in on her, depending on what she says on Monday. Stay tuned.

[Key West as a jump off point to Cuba]  What am I going to do, take a boat? Get real. Tourists will fly in from all over the country into either Ft Lauderdale, Miami, Ft Myers even Atlanta, then hop on over to Jose Marti on a small jet. Key West won’t even enter into the equation. A better question to ask is if the wet foot /dry foot policy will end? Will ex-pat Cubanos sell out in Miami and move back? Or will the flood gates open for more illegal immigration to the US? It would be cool to hear what real Cubans think about this.

Condoleezza makeover

[No person shall make, continue, or cause to be made any unreasonable noise." - plain and simple.  Lawn mowers, etc are considered reasonable.  Loud music is not] The definition of unreasonable noise is not as simple as you state. Here it is: “Any noise of which with the exercise of reasonable care, the maker or operator should know is loud and raucous due to its volume, character, duration, time of occurrence, or the number of persons affected, regardless of its source or content;”

The duration of loud music is taken into consideration, the time of occurrence and the number of persons affected are all taken into consideration. The code states the source of noise does not matter (lawn mower). Many may believe music is reasonable depending on time of day, duration and number of people affected. If only one neighbor out of a whole street is affected and the music was at a 1 pm and only played for a couple of hours it would be tough for the government or “injured party” to prove a violation of this ordinance in court. But that may be why it is written like this, to give people some freedom. And if the noise is completely excessive then can be prosecuted. The night time ordinance is very clear, but the day is not. Who is to say what noise is loud and raucous, the judge? What about the character of the sound? What decibel is considered loud during the day?

Every bridge from Big Pine to Big Coppitt has trash containers that are most always overflowing.  How can people get rid of their trash properly when the barrels don't get emptied? 

Hey, Joe B. Thanks a bunch! 

I am just so frustrated!  Socialism!  How can you say socialists are like fleas on a dog?  There is no comparison as fleas work hard.  Socialists sit around bemoaning their plight and looking over the fence (or across the canal) seeing what we capitalists have earned and want to redistribute our wealth amongst themselves.   Go buy the biggest luxury SUV you can find with all the bells and whistles and enjoy it; that really gets their envy meter pegging. 

When I enjoy what I have that is being greedy--phooey!  I'm not kidding. Just recently in the Winn-Dixie parking lot one of them started mouthing off about how much gas my SUV was burning and I pointed out that my 22 MPG was a whole lot better than that of the rusted out, oil belching, old 70's pickup he was driving (probably got 8 MPG)  What a scream.  I try to see things from their point of view, but can't seem to get my head up my butt that far.  Gosh, I love this site.  I actually feel better now.  Thank you, Ed.

Here, here to the FBI showing the Bears what the goal line looks like. Heaven knows they probably won’t see much of it anytime soon. That was well worth reading, Go Colts. Oh, and the horse doing it to a bear, ah, you’re so' funny! Thanks to all writing-in supporting dem Colts. Go Colts!

[Really disgruntled pizza lover]  He would complain if got run over by a brand new bus. Some people are just a**holes.

To the Conch Rag editor. I know the guy who wrote you wanting to fight. He is crazy and has a police record. Watch yourself with him. The Chart Room is a good place.

[Thank you FIRM] Last year my insurance was $4,000 on a $150,000 policy. This year it will be 1/2 that.

Remember reading all the jokes about little Johnny? You know, the kid the teachers are afraid to pick on for answers for fear of what he may say? Well, finally, a photo of little Johnny. Think you can pick him out?

Code enforcement is re-writing laws(?) to give them more power to control our property. People better wake up and pay attention.

Why did my Citizens Wind Insurance drop $1300 this year?  Is it because my homestead finally got approved or did FAIR get something accomplished?  You could have knocked me over with feather when I opened my bill!

For all who appreciate the outdoors this is the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.

Using clues based on stationery and office supplies you’re to guess what movie title they depict. I didn’t get any right. Viking's Stationery Movies

A new internet radio program in the Keys will be arriving February 5th. The link can be found at http://www.funnkeywest.com  Just click on Keys95. You will need either Windows Media Player or Winamp player. See funnkeywest for more info. Please post on your site for me in the Gossip Section and also your Whiners and Kudos Section. Will include a talk show program in the morning and Music and Remixes of today’s and yesterday’s music including Rap, Country, Rock, HipHop, Reggae, etc.

The deadline for publishing is 6am

Sunday January 28, 2007

Saturday January 27, 2007

[The most dangerous man in the world] Is Bush stubborn or what? He said he listened to all the arguments and decided to continue his escalation of his war.

Two and a half Commissioners called for the County Administrator’s resignation. It looks like Tom Willi’s days are numbered. It’s about time. Whenever his name appears there’s usually a negative statement attached to it. The same goes for Mayor DiGenarro. Every time I hear or read his name it’s attached to something I don’t like. I say he’s should be the next to go.
--usa33043@yahoo.com

[yard sale today] Saturday Jan 27th from 8 am till 2 pm. Located at mile marker 30 Big Pine Key. All proceeds go to the Coldwell Banker charitable foundation helping our Keys residents that are in need. There will also be girl scout cookies for sale.

Peyton or Rex is not the question. It’s Peyton or the Bears D. I hope Peyton survives. I like his commercials. If good Rex should happen to show up, so much the better. Isn’t this more fun than the no minds arguing about politics? At least we will have an answer in a week. da Bears rule!

The noise ordinance is found under Monroe County code 13-52.  Between the hours of 10:00 pm and 8:00 am, any loud, continuous noise is illegal.  This one needs to be pointed out to construction companies who start before 8:00 am.  On Friday and Saturday nights, the hour is pushed back to 11:00 pm.  On New Years Eve, it is 1:00 am.  Otherwise, code 13-53(a), which would cover daytime, states "No person shall make, continue, or cause to be made any unreasonable noise." - plain and simple.  Lawn mowers, etc are considered reasonable.  Loud music is not.

[We’ll see a big increase in tourist business if Cuba opens] …of people on their way to Cuba.  Key West will shrivel and die, serving only as a jumping off place for Havana.

Lock 'n load your cameras with the zoom lenses and pellet and paintball guns.  The canal stalker was brazenly casing Eden Pines again this Friday after 4.  I know it's a free Country, one can take a skiff ride up and down our canals and study our properties and vessels, but this individual has future plans.  Research has shown that they do much of their dirty work in broad daylight and that most of what they're looking for is in the master bedroom.  I understand that we have some Law Enforcement people living in our subdivision and would ask people to be on alert.  If you get a picture of him, post it here.  Have others seen this recently in Eden Pines?  Someone said to call the Sheriff, but by the time they get out here, the skiff stalker may have disappeared.  This guy was heading towards our part of the canal and saw me on my walk at the end of the canal and he turned around quickly only to return again after my walk and with another neighbor also seeing this suspicious person.  He did not speak when asked if we could help him with something.  Someone here said that it could be a sponger, but this guy looks like a hardened criminal.  It's times like this when the barky yard dogs and the other assorted security devices come in handy.  Instead of closing your blinds and "not getting involved," do the right thing and promptly call the Authorities when something is just not right.  That's what they're being paid to do.

[Daniel Webster speaks] What about the people that every other word is “actually”?  I figure unless you are a compulsive liar that everything you are telling me “actually” is the truth or it happened or is going to happen. Spend one day really listening to what people say and see if it doesn’t drive you crazy!

Poetry, pirates and love. After posting yesterday's missive, "The King's English," I saw quite a few man o' war birds scattered about. Years ago, while living on the street in Key West, I came to associate seeing one or more frigate birds (their other name) as a sure sign of impending spiritual attack . . .Sloan's Space

Now I have seen it all on this webpage.  It is time we name the asshole of the year.  Someone actually wrote in that FIRM "Did Squat".  I have seen some pretty ignorant postings here, but this one takes the cake.  This group took their own time to save those of us who own homes a lot of money.  Maybe the person who is so ungrateful for this act of kindness needs to move to an area that he or she can afford to live.  We all know the insurance rates in Monroe County are outrageous, but don't blame a group of volunteers for the fact that you can't afford to live in the Keys.  This posting was probably written by one of the people also complaining about free pizza yesterday.  What a complete ass.  On a closing note I want to thank FIRM for all the hard work and award them for a job well done.

Save the Polar Bears. There is an on-line form to make it real simple to help them. http://www.savebiogems.org/polar/

[Annoying ads continued] Extense? Ok, we have seen Bob and how he improves his entire life, including his golf game; by taking a male enhancement product. But there is something very shady about this Extense ad. Why do they repeatedly say: "This will enlarge that certain part of the male anatomy..."  I mean even "Dr. Stein" says: "That very special part of the male anatomy..."   When I go to the urologist he does not say: "Let's have a look at you special little part of your male anatomy."  What is preventing these people from saying 'penis'?  Are they crossing some AMA line?  Am I missing something? What guy would not like to enlarge his special place, huh?  Me, I want a bigger CENSORED.

[Redneck man's pick up lines] 1) Did you fart? ‘Cuz you blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.

It is all so simple. Islam is the fastest growing religion because it covers all the bases for those who have nothing. If you live and die for the idea you will earn minimum wages forever and have all the chicks that you want in heaven.

Like all religions, if you buy in for the story then you can be expected to pay full price to those who write the rules. Like every organized group, whether it is your government or you church, if you divide them up you can get them to eat whatever you want and have sex the way you want them too! Enjoy the journey. In Islam, I understand that there are no innocents.

We had tiny black weevils in our grains that were stored in jars with rubber seals.

Stan Becher moved to Ecuador last year, bought a bar and got married.  Last I heard, he was back in the States and living in Indiana.  I haven't heard from him in a while.

I missed the free pizza, but I think it was a great thing to do and for that I will be back.  Thanks 2 for 20!

The maggots in your rice are Indian meal moths. If you are going to store grains (rice, flour, etc.) for any length of time put it in your freezer. . http://www.west-ext.com/indian_meal_moth.html

I hate to say "I told you so", But I told you so. California's Golden State Fence Co., which has a contract to build part of the United States' immigrant-impeding barrier on the Mexican border, agreed in December to pay fines totaling nearly $5 million because it had been employing illegal aliens.

[illegal Habitat campground] If all you say is true, why hasn't the county shut it down?  Do you actually believe the county would allow illegal waste to be dumped on-site?  I'm sure by now someone has called them on this. Sounds to me like some people have an axe to grind.  I was told someone, whom I do not know, vowed to get rid of Habitat for Humanity like they did D&J Industries.

Did you ever see a horse screw a bear. Then watch the Super Bowl.

[J. G. Wentworth ad] That cheesy guy on TV is an actor. There is a pack of lawyers; none named Wentworth, that are the real owners of this company. Hang on to your wallet.

[white maggots] You may be describing the Indianmeal Moth. http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/2000/2089.html

[Amazing power of makeup]  That last picture should have been of Condoleezza Rice.

I was not able to get a free pizza due to prior plans and quite frankly, I have money and do not mind paying. I quit ordering their pizzas months ago due to the lack of quality. Based on the posts that I have read, I will be ordering a pizza from 2 for 20 tonight and will pay for it. Kudos to Wayne for having the guts to pull something like this off. I am sure that I will enjoy my pizza tonight and it sounds like I may be a regular customer again.

[Ouch!] Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

I think Key West tourism will not suffer if Cuba opens. There are so many people who are reluctant to leave the USA on vacation that they will still come here.

Peyton is a N’awlins god. I bet he gets some revenge for those Bears making it snow on those poor hometown boys.

[If the Keys are so great questioner]
How come Jimmy Buffett doesn't live here?  --He has a place in Key West
My relatives won't visit?  --They don't love you.
Why does it smell like spoiled eggs all the time?  --You must live on a canal loaded with sea grass.
Why does the water look like a sewer overflow near the shoreline?  --My water is nice and clean don't know where you live.
Why do I want to come back all the time? --It's paradise, you can't stay away. 

Why does the grass try to snake between my toes like an anaconda?  --To clean them out because they stink too.
How come there are no monkeys?  --They stink & throw their poop.
There is no sand?  --There is. You just have to find it.
The coconuts don't taste like coconut?  --It depends on the species, there are many.
No one can sell their house when they want to at the listed price?  --Ebb & flow of realty, nothing new.
Does anybody know the answers to these questions?  --I do.

Australian pines at Ft. Zack.  Apparently some bozo is trying to prevent the state from removing these environmentally destructive trees from the Key West state park because of issues with shade.  Helen Harrison has been one of the island's most outspoken protectors of the pines, even though their ability to damage and completely alter native ecosystems has been well documented.  The state, instead of immediately removing the invasive exotics, has agreed to a compromise which would provide for the removal of Australian pine trees to continue at an annual removal rate of 10 percent for the next 10 years until the pines are eradicated. But that apparently isn't good enough for the all-important shade lovers. Hmm, which is more important, shade or the environment? Let me think?  Ft Zack should follow the example of Bahia Honda state park. Look how beautiful it is today. Only about 15 or 20 years ago it was as biologically polluted with Australian pines as is Ft. Zack. Now native plants abound, as well as do wildlife that has evolved with and depend on natives.

[Update on maggots in rice in pantry] Last night I caught a moth in there which I strongly suspect is the culprit. Also, I caught another maggot and put both in jars. When I awoke this morning I saw that the maggot has spun a transparent cocoon around itself and is beginning the pupa stage. I will update you all as events unfold, as I'm sure you are all riveted to your seats in anticipation.

I wonder how many of the people that took advantage of the free pizza tipped the staff.  Thanks 2 for $20, your staff was very polite in the onslaught.

What happened to Funny Fridays? (Ed: Our humor editor took a few weeks off to edit the Conch Rag and save the Chart Room from peanut-ious slander.)

[Maximum decibel level] My mistake; after rereading the ordinance again it was (60) dBA not sixty-five like I said before.  The ordinance is about four pages long and is even more restrictive than you would believe. It can be read at http://library4.municode.com/mcc/DocView/11270/1/163/169  Pay special attention to section 13-52 Definitions items 1 and 2 covering unreasonable noise.  Is that detailed enough for you? 

[Why can't I get The Keynoter/Sundays newspaper info on my computer] The site is a PDFed version of the print edition. When you are at the home page, click on the cover image. Then you'll see a pop-up on the left index. Click the date of the edition you want. Then click on each page individually to see it. For the edition of Jan. 7, the pages on the Miami Blue and host plants are pages 16 and 17.

[White Maggots] No, they were not there when you purchased the rice. Clean up your house.

[To the person with property issues] Those laws were probably in effect when you bought the property. I bought stock and the company went out of business; can I get government to give me what I lost? I mean the people who waited to long to build want government to pay them. Hey, we made an investment and lost--get over it.

[Maggots]  Poor rotating of stock or they were infested at packing warehouse.  Bring them back WD. They will refund your money, also make them aware.  How long did you have these products on your shelf?

Friday night at 9:00 pm I stopped by Dion’s to pick up a last minute container of milk for my mashed potatoes. Guess what? Jersey Boy (always is wearing a hockey jersey) was smiling through a locked door passing his arm across his neck indicating “I am closed”.

I was under the impression Dion’s just recently went back to regular hours according to there recent notice in the store. Either the employees are making there own schedules or Dion’s cannot keep personal there for us not to have to cross the highway to Tom Thumb to do business. I am sure I am not the only one frustrated by this. Mr Dion, what’s up?

Piper Road Spring Band rules. The Spider Ranch lives on in our hearts. Please give me a call guys. Nick 296 7374.

I loved the (Really disgruntled pizza lover's) posting on Thursday.  Too funny!

To my friends who think this administration is the root of all evil: Try to start a business. Just try. Open a lemonade stand. Be determined.  You will be humiliated, battered, punished, penalized, over-regulated, over-licensed, condescended to, vilified, criminalized, coerced, strong-armed, and driven to defeat by the county and state. You will become a Republican overnight.

And to the hopeless socialists who keep spewing lies and drivel.  Business, commerce, capitalism, private enterprise - pay for absolutely everything. Do you not get that? It amazes me that that fact is never articulated. You never want to look at how wealth is generated; only chatter and howl about how it should be distributed. A vote for the left is a vote for socialism. It is a simple, glaring fact. Socialism kills capitalism. The hard working employees and entrepreneurs of small business suffer and diminish under socialism; and quality of life diminishes.

If you're a government employee, which is likely, please disregard. You are, and will always be hopelessly entrenched, without a clue as to the risks of starting a business (Unless you've already tried, and bombed. Just understand, without capitalism, you guys are fleas on a dead dog.

The deadline for publishing is 6am

Saturday January 27, 2007

Friday January 26, 2006

I’m often baffled by the disdain many Keys people have for the environment. Instead of revering the preservationist they are sometimes looked down on as some sort of modern hippy freaks. There are a few people who try to build or cut down whatever they want in the name of personal freedom, but yet have no sense of community. The community is the thing that sets the standards for any area. The majority rules. If we wanted all those exceptions some people ask for we would not have passed these laws an ordinances. The community has to draw the line somewhere. These people who hate the deer and the trees are wrong.

Do we live in the United States of America?   Do we, as American land owners, have any rights left? I just came from court with a code violation. I own an adjacent vacant lot and have parked my truck on it for about six years.  Someone turned me into code enforcement, now I cannot park my truck on my lot even though I own the lot and the truck has a Florida license and insurance.

If you own a vacant lot that is not contiguous with the lot that your house is on, you cannot park a boat trailer or vehicle or use it for accessory use such as a shed or anything.  But you can get a building permit for a house (Ha, ha).

Also, did you know if you want a building permit to do anything to your house and have a downstairs enclosure, even though it is permitted, code enforcement has to inspect it to make sure it is legal and doesn't have any furniture stored there.  Is this is to make sure you are in compliance or look for another thing they can find to make your life miserable.

Elle’s back with the Keys Entertainment Schedule! Bulletin Board

Thank you 2 for 20 Pizza!  Your pizza was delicious and your employees dealt with the onslaught very courteously.  We'll be back.

[Former pizza shop owner] Did you own Mountain Mikes Pizza? They had the best pie in the Keys when they were open. We would bike from KW every Saturday just to get one and hit the No Name Pub when us locals were preferred customers year round. Awwww, the good old days.

[Historical Reenactment today] Bahia Honda State Park Today, January 26 at 1pm.  Step back in time to the early 1900s. Did you ever wonder what it would be like to ride a train on the Overseas Railway? Join a ranger at the Sand and Sea Nature Center and they will guide you back in time. Meet Mr. Henry Flagler and other travelers from that era and learn about their unique experiences.

Thanks to 2 for 20. The free pizza was good. If they can keep up the quality they have gained a loyal customer back.  I haven’t eaten there in about eight months due to the quality I received on two occasions.  Wednesday night they made up for it.  Thanks Wayne and staff.

This is Jozeppi here, some of you may know me as Joe the Plumber's son. I live now in Jacksonville and want to come back to the Keys. If anyone out there knows where I can find work and accommodation please get back to me at BETHS109@AOL.COM  or 904-262-2609. I miss you all very dearly.

[Word police go sciolistic] You're such a grammar Nazi, but you don't know how to spell “goddamn”. That's damn funny!

[Pizza] I would like to say to the population that tried to cash in on a pizza that have never even tried the place before, but decided to take to take advantage of the free pizza: get a life!  Sorry you missed out.  How many free pizzas do you expect him to give away?  I am sure he never counted on the buzzards that would be on the steps waiting for a free hand out when they were capable of ordering at full price at any time, but were too cheap to do so.

I would like to applaud Wayne and crew at 2 for 20 for the delicious pizza I received from the customer appreciation night.   I will be back for more.   

Why can't I get The Sundays newspaper info on my computer? Thanks anyway for the Miami Blue/Blackbead link, but it didn't work for me. It only shows me the front page of the Keynoter/Sundays and I can't progress any further. And what the heck is that hand all about, instead of an arrow cursor?

Au Contraire, isn't it nice you live in a country where you can trash young American lives in Iraq today as you did in Vietnam yesterday? If you truly care about our military, fight to get them home and only send them off when we are really threatened.  A 72% American majority feels the same.

It appears that the editor put a question mark after the names of Mister Rogers and Captain Kangaroo in a posting after a list of American heroes.  Many people don't know that both Captain Kangaroo and Mister Rogers were both bonafied war heroes.  The Captain in WW2 and Mr. Rogers in Vietnam. 

[Free pizza tonight] You can please some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time.

If the Keys are so great just why are you here?

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.