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Monday New Year's Eve 2007

This is the last day of the year.

Every year around New Year’s day people write in here with their opinion of snowbirds. Snowbirds, take heart, we’re just in shock from the mass migration changing our quiet keys into bustling keys. Don’t fret, the snowbird talk will die down in a couple of weeks as soon as the shock wears off and we get used to the inconvenience of this influx. And as far as you other locals go, at least we have someone new to talk to and don’t have to listen to each other’s old stories and jokes.

[snow birds] The problem that I and many of the other "local yokels" have with them is their attitude that "the way it’s done up north is better." If it's so great, go back and stay there. That along with the driving way under our already slow speed limits, sitting through the very short left turn light at U.S. 1 and Watson, bitching about the way working peoples’ yards look, bringing all their necessities down with them because its too expensive down here, fishing with resident licenses, (owning property does not make you a resident in any state that I have checked) and anchoring right next to other boats that are fishing or diving when there is a whole ocean out there. Their sheer numbers overburden our already strained infrastructure. I could go on and many others have their own pet peeves. I will admit however that I know many snowbirds that are fine people and neighbors. I also know a few locals that would fit into the same classification as the worst of snow turds.

[Bush can’t do anything right Department] While running for governor of Texas Bush was trying to glean votes from the pro gunn folks so he shot a bird to demonstrate his machismo. The problem was that the bird was on the endangered species list and he had to pay a fine.

[mentally challenged daughter] Incidents as were described are what give flea markets a bad name and make people wary of buying from those places.

Here are some new year thoughts for us all. http://www.angelrays.com/greetingcards/diary.html

[snowbird who asked "why do locals hate us so much?"]. Well do not hate all snowbirds. I have lovely friends who come down every year and enrich my life. Unfortunately, there are snowbirds who, for some obtuse reason, think they immediately own the place. It's just silly. I've had times when I'm riding my bike and see people walking and I am always compelled to say, "Hello". Well, they just stare me down like morons, and that is rude and classless and pisses me off. But that's not to say that they are all that way. And yes, I was indeed born in FL, not in the Keys, but in Miami. I am a local, born and bred and married to a snowbird. So of course we are not stupid enough to dislike the people who love this place too. It’s just that some of them need to be more social or friendly. Of course, those people won't read this, or give a rat's ass, but welcome—absolutely!

[que tenga un buen día to all who refuse to become politically correct] Please translate, because I only (now and forever more) speak the language of my country. A Googled translation indicates you're saying have a good day. If that's the case, I don't understand the position or point of your post. Also, it's pretty bad and sad when I have to have to Google to understand something on the Coconut Telegraph! (No disrespect to Ed)

Why is my Big Pine Key property assessed and taxed for half a million dollars, yet the same house is now selling for $300K? Has anyone else noticed an increase in homes which are condemned, dilapidated eyesores with trash, old broken boats and cars around it and criminal renters who have been on the arrest pages? The foreclosures are happening and I hope the wealthy Asians buy them up and fix them all nice and neat. Our neighborhood has pockets which look like the housing projects of cities. Even our entry signage looks trashy and there is glass all over the roads. I have seen nicer trailer parks and it's embarrassing what is happening to our community. No wonder they are not giving us our sewers. The people here are too lazy to pick up the telephone and call Waste Management for their neighbor’s heavy trash and old furniture which sits on the curbs for months. Yes, months go by and everyone just drives by the crap. They obviously do not care. It's such a shame to work so hard on your little piece of paradise and then have to live near scumbags. How are they able to afford it down here anyway? The snow birds take care of their homes and this local actually prefers them to the local Keys diseased gossip hounds.

I just read in the paper how much the cost of the 18 mile stretch road project is escalating. This is what we have to look forward to with the sewer project thanks to our various county governments who’ve listened to the obstructionists over the years.

There’s a new counter-terrorism unit in the Keys, which you can learn more about and join by going to savingthekeys.com or savingkeywest.com. One of the ringleaders is Suki Miller of Island Image & Design on Stock Island. Suki reminds me a whole lot of Sandra Downs of Cudjoe Key, whose steel-magnolia, heart-felt viewpoints can be read in the “Believe It or Not” menu page of goodmorningfloridakeys.com. If I knew how to provide easy-to-use “click-here” web links, I’d do it.

Meanwhile, a correction to yesterday’s posting, “Development. Religion.” What I was sent by a third party looked to me like it said Pritam Singh got his spiritual start reading the autobiography of an India yogi named Muktananda. Actually, this is what happened to someone who had been to Pritam’s posh spiritual retreat in Woodstock, Vermont, paid for with money Pritam had made of his developments in the Keys. How Pritam got started spiritually, I was corrected, was with an India yogi, whose face appears on the packaging of herbal teas, the writer said. And, when Pritam realized this great man was raping his young female students, he spoke against it, and then had to get the hell out of Dodge, so to speak, with a pack of eastern-style Elmer Gantry-worshipping vigilantes hot on his tail. Later, Pritam became a Sikh, and even later, a Zen Buddhist, as well. Even as the original great one still resides in Pritam, pulling pretty near all the strings, unfortunately. Unfortunately, because Pritam has enormous potential for good, but it cannot be realized because of this yogi residing in him, who has enormous potential for whatever suits him. GoodMorningKeyWest.com

To the snow bird who wants to know if we were born here. In most cases no, but we live here all year, and we are not trying to make the keys like the place we came from.

I will tell you what the problem is with snow birds. They are rude and drive like they are speed racers. They complain about having to wait in line. They treat the people who live here like they’re crap. They think they should be taken care of first. I could go on and on. I was born in the keys and I have seen this for the last 48 yrs. There is not a thing anyone can do about it.

While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over the Whale Harbor bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The Village of Islamorada cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked her, “What's your hurry?” To which she replied, “I'm late for work.” “Oh yeah” said the cop, “what do you do?” “I'm a rectum stretcher” she responded. The cop stammered, “A what?” “A rectum stretcher?” “And just what does a rectum stretcher do?” “Well” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then, slowly but surely stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide.” And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?” he asked, “You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge” Traffic ticket $95. Court Costs $45. Look on the cop's face...priceless! For everything else, there's MasterCard.

[snowbirds comments] I left BPK Saturday at 2 pm after a short stay at my home in Eden Pines. Never in all my years in Pinellas County (I was born there 60+ years ago) have I seen traffic jams like what I saw on US 1. From the light at Key Deer Blvd the Overseas Hwy. was backed up all the way off Big Pine and past the boat ramp on West Summerland Key. There was a solid never-ending line of cars and motor homes southbound all the way out of the Keys. The stretch is under construction with widening and the big bridges are being built to replace Jewfish creek. From the entrance curve at North Key Largo the cars were stopped and creeping all the way to the passing zone! For almost 10 miles cars were stopped and nothing was wrong just too many cars for the construction zone.

I guess now I know why I've never been down there after the 1st week of Dec. What a mess. God save the Keys!

The people who run the flea market booth are clearly not Keys people. Just two weeks ago my son was laughed at when he popped a gag gift that when opened gave off the odor of rotten eggs. He shouldn't have been touching the merchandise, but it was mixed in with the toys. He was the better person by offering to pay for the item. The lady wouldn't take his money. She said it was worth seeing him suffer.

This story was in Sunday's Parade magazine "Why Deport A Hero"? In the on going war against extremists in Iraq and Afghanistan, our military has been hampered by a shortage of Arabic speakers. So why are authorities trying to deport U.S. Army sargent Hicham Benkabbou, a decorated soldier who is fluent in Arabic as well as French and English? His offence: Not reporting an annulled marriage in his immigration papers. (Moroccan-born, he came to this country in 1998). The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement bureau has begun removal proceedings against him and Sgt. Benkabbou faces deportation if he returns to American soil. At press time, he remains on combat duty in Afghanistan. Our lawmakers and government agencies say let's give millions of criminals, who spit on our laws a path to citizenship, but we'll deport a decorated soldier who’s risking his life for America because of a non-notice! It's the American way. If this immigration story pisses you off as much as me, contact your lawmakers and give them your opinion.

We recently got Comcast high speed DSL. It's great. So great that other people apparently wanted to use ours too. There are different kinds of Trojans I guess. Comcast is nice enough to provide free McAfee service to it's customers to clean up all the spyware though. So now that we have the protection of the McAfee service I get the following message when I try to go the Monroe County Sheriff's Office website: Request Denied by WatchGuard HTTP proxy. Reason: IPS matched signature "Bleeding-Edge Malware Fun Web Products Spyware User Agent, etc." I would ask our government but I don't suppose there would be an answer, so I post it here. Something smells bad.

Dear Snow Birds, You were wondering why we locals pick on you. Believe me it's nothing personal. If you survive the summer here your brain is little fried and your claws are showing. We just need a little controversy to prove we're still "in the loop", whatever that means. So please cut us some slack and think of all the tales you'll have when you go home.

[Monroe county is #1 in DUI drivers] There is a difference between drinking and partying and drinking and putting your dumb ass in a car and driving.

[mentally challenged daughter] I bet if you had taken out your cell phone and called the sheriff their tune would have changed.

Deer Kay Thacker, Why don't you run for a Commissioner seat? I think you would win and you've got my vote. We need more Kay Thackers in our government down here and to weed out the crooks and Guidos. I would also suggest some of the retired folks run who have been here for a long time and know what's going on. This would give them something productive to do, other than gossip over the fence. They could actually do good things with that energy.

If you have a beef with MCSO Deputies, blame the man on top. Sheriff Roth has refused to pay his troops and won't even give them a cost of living allowance. The morale is low and some of the good cops are quitting.

[The Plan] That sounds like a great idea except what will we do with all of the "toe tapping" Republicans hanging around public bathrooms?

[mentally challenged daughter] The sun glasses booth at the flea market needs to be put out of business. They should take your $10 and get out of the Keys.

The Snow Birds across the street just came down a few days ago and already their yappy dogs are barking. I know that in a few days they will be putting out their store-bought feed on the ground, so that the deer will become a super pet again as the tip over my garbage cans many times during the night, and eat ( and kill ) any small plants that I have been trying to propagate. If that sound like what you do every year when you come down here, then that's why I wish you would stay up north.

I just realized that snowbirds are like the illegals invading our country; only snowbirds don't work and thank God they do go home.

A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Glen Reber on Avenue E. Hope you are well and happy. Your family up north would like to hear from you.

Thank god for the snowbirds. Otherwise, it would be this crowded all year long!

I quit trying to read Sloan's incoherent ramblings a long time ago.

Thousand Islands are more than just a salad dressing. Slide show

[The Plan] Thanks, you made this democrat laugh. Whoever said Dems don't have a sense of humor? That's how we survive!

A US man has stunned friends and relatives by sending them Christmas cards - two months after his death. The 34 handwritten cards were sent and signed by Chet Fitch, who died in October aged 88, with 'Heaven' given as the return address. Mr Fitch, from Oregon, wrote that God had allowed him back to Earth specially to deliver the cards. His barber, Patty Dean, 57, said that Mr Fitch had approached her with the idea in 1987, saying he wanted to play one last trick on people after his death. Mr Fitch wrote the cards and gave them to Mr Dean to post in the run-up to the first Christmas after his death. The cards showed Mr Fitch square-dancing with his wife Jessie, who herself died in 1995.

The other day I said that many Republicans and most Democrats are flat wrong on the immigration issue. The point is that we must control illegal immigration. The consequences of failure to succeed are catastrophic in social, fiscal and security ramifications. Most Republicans and a few Democrats are of like mind. There’s no confusion there. That has been my point in previous postings. No confusion or wavering there. I believe that refusal to consider new or changing components of any problem or to accept dogma of any party demonstrates weak or lazy thought process. As to Bill Clinton; he carries some of the blame load for immigration, but the genesis of this mess goes further back. On this issue, the Republicans are a lot more right, and most certainly, correct, than the Democrats. We’ve all seen the efforts of the Democrat party to guarantee floods of new potential Democrat voters crossing our borders. You’re absolutely correct if you’re saying that this staunch Conservative Republican has independent thought. Now if only more Democrats would critically rethink Democrat dogma.

Happy New Years Eve! Remember were better off than people in Baghdad, Bangladesh, Pakistan and Michigan. Be thankful.

[War on terror] From 1979 until 9/12/01, world wide, there were at least 21 attacks on American interests or lives by Islamic terrorists; (2 in America), these attacks killed nearly 4000 people, all non-combatants. Since the beginning of the war on terror, world wide (except in the battle areas), there have been 7 such attacks (none in America), which killed about 128 people, all non-combatants. Wow! I extend my sincere and reverent thanks to our warriors.

I liked those hand paintings, but was disappointed because I didn't see Cartman's hand painted to look like Jennifer Lopez. Ed, good luck finding that picture!

[Summary of my last year on the computer] I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a Happy New Year and, oh yeah, A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

[All smokers have a bad sense of direction] You stated that smoking is a privilege not a right! Smoking is for the most part still legal, government supported and sponsored. As much as it may burn your ass, smokers too are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, bla, bla, bla and the pursuit of happiness. Hell, the fact lawmakers want to raise taxes again on "the right to smoke", this time to pay for children’s health care proves it's a government supported right, not a privilege. Until the government stops subsidizing, taxing and finally outlaws smoking completely--smoking is a right!

How about drunks, speeders, litterbugs and cell phone users? As a non-smoking, non-drinking, non-speeding, anti-litterbug cell phone hater, I find them all far more annoying. And yes, I do lead a really boring life, but it is my right!

The sky at dusk on the first day of 2008.

I agree with the poster that said anyone getting welfare should pass a drug test. The entire Iraqi government should line up because they are getting the largest welfare check in the world’s history. And if you think it will save money to create a new drug testing program and to open up drug testing facilities where people can be tested you’re day dreaming. We don’t need a larger government since we cannot afford to pay the one we have now.

Just in case this global warming turns the other way in the Keys. It’s best to be prepared. http://www.benmeadows.com/refinfo/Tips/Article1.htm

[What is it we Snow Birds do that tick off the locals so much? I haven't a clue] That, my dear Snowbird, is the problem, You have no clue what you do. The majority of snowbirds come down here and leave common sense, simple logic, and manners at home. You people do not own the Keys, you just borrow them for your whims and pleasures. Most all snowbirds I have met, think we locals are here as servants and handymen. Most care nothing for the environment and the peace and quiet that's here when you are not. Please respect the local inhabitants and our rights and ways. We are the ones that suffer the egomanias of the politicians who kiss your asses for fun and profit because you have more money than God. I pray for April.

I saw an ice cream truck on our street the other day. He had signs all over his truck that said “Slow Children”. I felt so bad for him I bought a whole box of fudge cycles.

The story about the flea market sociopaths ripping off the mentally challenged daughter was horrible. Did you talk to the person who rents out the spaces? (Although that may not do much good. As I recall, he's the one who tried to rip off Publix when they were going to buy the property to put in a new store.) We don't go there much, but have relatives visiting and planned to go over this morning. We'll avoid that booth. Thanks for the warning.

We are sorry for the porn link on Keylargokey.com. I can assure you that was put there in error. We have since corrected this. For the concerned viewer the new exit link was prepared just for him. Thanks for visiting us. KeyLargoKey.com

If the post about the flea market guy and the mentally challenged girl is true, he is a low rent piece of crap and should be thrown out on his ass. There's enough thievery going on in the County without the likes of him.

Now you've gone and done it. There is urine for sale on eBay so the welfare recipients can pass their test.

For the "Wondering Snowbird". There are the locals who just quietly live here full time and enjoy their good fortune in being able to and don't mind sharing. And then there are, (ta daaa) "The Locals". It's the same the world over. PS You're probably forgetting to genuflect to them.

Stupid don't know they were stupid because they are stupid!

[Snow Birds] It's not all of you just some and for those they are just plain rude, inconsiderate on the water and of our environment, slow as turtles on the road and have little consideration for those that work their butts off to live here year round. Plus we just really like the emptiness of our islands in the summer.

Link to Sheriff’s website. http://www.keysso.net/

[mentally challenged daughter] Please clarify your complaint (what stuff do they sell) so not to bad mouth other sunglass vendors at the flea market.

I'll never make it out of snowbird land. In fact I came down every 3 months and I was a summer bird. Every time I came down I spent at least 2000 dollars in 12 days, eating out, buying boat gas, hiring mechanics, buying building supplies, renting cars, shopping, buying presents, drinking liquor and beer. I think I benefitted the islands and contributed to the economy. No natural animal migrates this way so I guess I am a freak of nature. I just want to end it all; the way you people talk about how bad it is down there.

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Monday December 31, 2007