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Monday January 31, 2005

I've never has any secrets until I got old. Now there are things about myself and my  relationship that I won't ever tell anyone. Sad.

Where can I get that iguana bait? It's time we rid this island of exotic pests. (I'm not talking about tourists, so calm down.)

Name the lizard:  The lizard pictured is a Madagascar Day Gecko.  They are beautiful with bright green skin and the brilliant orange spots.  If you are lucky enough to have a family of them and you can protect them from cats they should thrive and help provide good bug control in your yard.  If they are always in one place you can feed them with meal worms available at a pet store.

Monday January 31, 2005

Sunday January 30, 2005

If I have a choice, I'll stand in line behind a man at the market because he'll probably pay with cash or a credit card (that he'll have ready) and he'll probably do his own bagging to speed things up. On the other hand, If I'm behind a woman she's probably going to write a check and then use coupons. An, of course, she won't start writing that check until after all her coupons have been verified. And bagging is just an option to most of them.

I’ve seen references in this column dissing paperboys and fireman standing in the middle of the highway soliciting. I agree with the writer. I just saw a car almost hit the paperboy at the entrance to Key West. They shouldn’t allow them in the roadway.

What do you call male ballerinas?

Whatever happened to Christo. the "artist" who dresses nature. Remember he draped the mangrove islands off Biscayne Bay? I think he did something to a big canyon too. Has he run out of cloth?

Sunday January 30, 2005

Saturday January 29, 2005

I see very little legitimate things about the election in Iraq. One whole segment of the population, the Sunni, aren't even voting. A lot of areas are too dangerous to have the elections, so they're not. No candidates were seen because of the danger and 28,000 Turban-Americans, who've never even been there, are allowed to vote by absentee ballot.

I don't like car chases in movies or any chases for that matter. Sci-Fi movies are the worst. They usually have a little plot line and the rest of the movie is running and chasing. It's the same in books. Those international "Thrillers" from Ludlum and his ilk are usually the same; a plot line and then running and chasing for the rest of the book. While I'm here ranting, I'd like to see a police car just drive up to a crime scene instead of that power-slide thing that they do. One more second longer isn't going to catch the killer!

In The 1939 movie Ninotchka, Melvyn Douglas said to Greta Garbo, "Radio. It's a box you buy in the installment plan and before you finish paying for it they tell you, you need a new one." The very same thing could be said today, 66 years later, about computers.

If people think the residents of the Big Pine area treat the tourists badly try being a tourist in Key West.  My cousins are in town and were staying at the Sheraton across the street from the beach.  The room was sold to them as non-smoking and reeked of smoke.  The toilet was peed in and un-flushed. They went down to the reception desk to ask to be moved.  The person told them they can't move them due to being full.  I guess a full hotel is reason to piss in your toilette upon check in.  They asked to see a manager. Some useless woman came out who said she was the manager's assistant and the manager was in a meeting.  This woman actually asked them if they were sure one of them didn't use the bathroom and forget to flush it.  Then she asked if they were positive it was smoke the room smelled of.  She gave them a can of air freshener and suggested they spray it in the air conditioner.  Finally, the general manager came out of hiding.  She stunk of booze and was glassy-eyed.  She offered to have house keeping go clean the toilet and said there was nothing she could do about the smoke smell in the non-smoking room.

Someone must have smoked in the non-smoking room.  My cousins told her they understood that she can't control all the customers, but would think they would spray the room after the smoker checked out before renting the room as a non-smoking room.  She offered to give them a free breakfast for the trouble.  I guess free breakfast justifies a smelly room with piss in the toilet.  To bad someone didn't crap in it, they might have gotten free dinner. 

At this point they were disgusted by the whole hotel and the smell of her booze breath, so they accepted the room, but checked out the next morning.  They were planning on staying 5 days.  They checked into The
Radisson.  Hopefully, they will be treated better.  What an impression they have of their first visit to the Florida Keys.

Saturday January 29, 2005

Friday January 26, 2005

There's a good recipe for traditional Key Lime Pie in the Recipe Page. Pies made from this recipe have gone to Jimmy Carter's Inauguration and to the table of King Juan Carlos of Spain. It's pretty good. Meringue instead of the newer whipped cream.
http://www.bigpinekey.com/Recipes/recipes.htm

Local school alumni, alumnae, teachers, and all who have immigrated from localities beyond, please notice the prevalent number of us who are barely able to functionally read. Forget about writing. Most disturbing, the inability to articulate a thought, if there was one. I am not being a smart ass, but communication, it seems to me, is profoundly essential. The fundamental currency. It could be argued that it's never taught because the epidemic has lived through the generations >thereby< gaining acceptance. Interested teachers will throw up their hands. (Boring, isn't it)?

People are virtually paralyzed when they're afforded the opportunity to resolve a grievance, or a dispute, or communicate a need. Since many are incapable of presenting their own case, they have little regard for another's. (What is the opposite of talking? The answer of course,  is waiting). When the subject makes the attempt, they're lost if they can't do it with the few clichés, or two or three platitudes they've devoted to memory. So frustration precedes the customary barrage of school yard insults. It seems to me, usually this has to do with being afraid of looking stupid, or trying to maintain an image of superiority. People who are able to express themselves effectively, end up having to do the communicating for their counterparts as well... y'know, fill in the blanks and stuff.

I've been renovating houses for most of my life and the area that I pay most attention and give the most detailed work is directly across from the toilet. That's the only place in the whole house where people just sit and stare. That area is the most scrutinized place in the house.

Re: Cute Guy Alert. Yes, I have all my teeth and a full head of hair. I don't do drugs or even drink alcohol. I am a good, honest, hard working man who contributes regularly to our community. I can buy my own cheeseburgers and suggest that you spend your money on someone who needs it. A real beach boy knows it's always summer within.

Thursday January 26, 2005

Big news for families: they're building a miniature golf course next to Boondocks in downtown Ramrod Key. Finally, something for the family to do together without having to travel. all we need now is a small bowling alley and movie house.

For over a year, roomer has it that Manley-DeBoer Lumber Co. in Key West has bought Pinewood Materials and will be opening a lumber yard on Industrial Road. Do you think this will ever happen? It sure would be nice to have a full service lumber yard here.

I'm sick of people complaining about the Key Deer's customers. Every type of watering hole is needed. Clientele have a way of going to the place that their most comfortable in. Some go to Little Palm and some go to the Key Deer Grill. Nature has a way of getting people to settle-in. If the Key Deer wasn't there someone else would build a bar just like it. It fills a need. No one has to go there.

Good book. Inside the Kingdom: My Life in Saudi Arabia
by Carmen Bin Ladin She married one of Osama's brothers, a fabulously wealthy Saudi. And she tells what life is like inside the Magic Kingdom (Magic for men--not for women.)

With Homeleand Security in effect does that mean that there are no longer any illegals coming from Mexico? Or do we still turn a blind eye to them. If they're still coming over the border like they used too, what's to stop a terrorist from doing the same?

Paradise Insurance Co. If it was paradise we wouldn't need insurance.

Don't you think Pfizer Pharmaceuticals should get rid of the P in in front of Pfizer; or shouldn't they put an F after the P in Pharmaceuticals?

Thank you all for the awesome ideas for the birthday parties! Keep 'em coming. It's a good feeling to read a complete stranger wishing my son a happy birthday!

This guy gets scarier and scarier.
Secret Unit Expands Rumsfeld's Domain. New Espionage Branch Delving Into CIA Territory  --By Barton Gellman W Post (1/23)
The Pentagon, expanding into the CIA's historic bailiwick, has created a new espionage arm and is reinterpreting U.S. law to give Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld broad authority over clandestine operations abroad, according to interviews with participants and documents obtained by The Washington Post.

Barely 24 hours after the last marching band paraded past the White House, the president's lieutenants were out there spinning that all those lovely words didn't mean quite as much as they seemed to have meant.

And now we learn that we should not read too much into the president's enchanting freedom talk. He just wants to look "bold."

For his own sake and ours, Bush and his advisers should not be making it easier for adversaries and skeptical allies to dismiss freedom as an advertising slogan used to justify whatever foreign policy the administration decides to pursue. All presidents need a dose of realism, but surely this president doesn't want it said that his willingness to stand up for freedom depends on what the definition of "freedom" is. You can spin a lot of things. Freedom shouldn't be one of them.   
--By E. J. Dionne Jr.  (Washington Post Jan 25, 2005)

Wednesday January 26, 2005

Please stop insulting people who disagree with you by calling them a tourist or such other negatives. It's so base. Try to rise above animal instincts. It feels better.

Clinton hater. Yesterday someone wrote that Clinton bombed the Serb-Croatian country to take peoples' mind off his b**w job. I'm always amazed at the level of hate people have for the former president for such a minor infraction of societies' mores.

To the person who wrote in and said that they would not eat at the Square Grouper because he would not eat “in a place named after drugs” I can only say that he is missing out on a great restaurant experience because of his microscopically narrow view and utter lack of a sense of humor.  The word “pomposity” comes to mind.

So, Slick Willie (oops…I mean former President William Jefferson “I didn’t have sex with that woman” Clinton) and his wife, Senator Hillary Rodham “Now, where did I misplace all of those records” Clinton,  were in Key West, walked along Duval St., greeted strangers, had their picture taken and begged for money (oops….I mean soliciting contributions for Hillary’s NEW YORK BASED political machine).  Wow, was I impressed.  But then, as I thought about it, I was in Key West the other day and as I walked along Duval St. I saw a local bum (oops….I mean a poor, unfortunate homeless individual) greeting strangers, occasionally getting his picture taken and begging for money (oops… I mean soliciting contributions for his Key West based lifestyle). The only difference seemed to be was that the bum didn’t get his picture on the front page of The Key West Citizen and stayed in town after he got his money.

Tuesday January 25, 2005

Fat Tuesday is Mardi Gras, the festival New Orleans, Louisiana, is famous for. "Gras" is French for fat and "Mardi" is French for Tuesday.

The annual festivities start on January 6, the Twelfth Night Feast of the Epiphany, when the three kings are supposed to have visited the Christ Child, and build to a climax on Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday, which always occurs on the day before Ash Wednesday. The parties and parades will continue until Lent begins at the stroke of midnight on Tuesday.

What Democracy Means to Me by Johnny Carson (1991) delivered as a tribute to the Soviet republics created after the fall of communism. As Doc and the band played "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" in the background, Johnny summed up the totality of life in the land of the free:

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties. Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money. Democracy means free television, not good television, but free. And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head -- this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle. I thank you.
--R.I.P. Mr. Carson.

Bill Clinton was in KW. Wow. He's the only famous person that I'd really like to spend some time with.

Monday January 24, 2005

The Square Grouper is, by far, the best restaurant in the lower Keys outside of Key West. They rival anything that Key West has to offer as well.  Every time I have dined at their establishment it has been nothing but first class service, great food with generous portions, great menu selection and creative nightly specials.  A super wine list makes it all even better.  Congratulations to the owners and staff for all of your efforts.   

It's amazing how much resentment there is towards tourists. Wake up neighbors, they directly or indirectly allow us to live here (unless, of course, you have a sinecure or a guaranteed check in the mail.)

I've noticed that when people disagree with an opinion the first thing they do is attack the other person's credibility. How odd.

I think it’s an outrage that the State is thinking of letting Jetskis and other personal watercraft into the backcountry. Give the flats anglers a break.  Thai jet skis?

Sunday January 23, 2005

I never thought I'd see the day when I would praise Little Palm Island's food, but it has come. Against my better judgment, I took my two guests there for lunch during this last week and had the most fabulous meal. I had repeatedly warned them about the large plates and tiny portions. Boy, was I surprised. I even left food on my plate when I was full, yes, FULL! That's my new favorite restaurant. I wonder what happened out there. Do you think they read Kudos & Whiners?

The three of us each had an appetizer, entree and two great drinks. With tip, the bill was $200. Well worth every bit of it.

They just discovered that Saturn's largest moon is regularly lashed with rain made by liquid methane. Jeeze, I hope nobody smokes up there. it could be dangerous.

Anyone with a problem regarding Sugarloaf School should resolve it with the faculty instead of complaining - bottom line. Although you have every right to express your dissatisfaction with your child's education and/or school politics, calling Sugarloaf educators greedy and selfish is completely unfounded.

My mother is a teacher at Sugarloaf School. Every academic year, she spends between five hundred and one thousand dollars on classrooms supplies that either directly or indirectly enhance the learning process of her students. Several of her colleagues do the same. This comes out of their meager salary. Last academic year, the average Monroe County teacher had about 12.5 years of experience and earned about $41,600. These statistics can be checked on www.firn.edu, the Florida Department of Education website. Although this salary is slightly above the average for a teacher in Florida, anyone who lives here will readily tell you that given the Florida Keys cost of living, it is by no means big bucks.

Sugarloaf teachers routinely spend hours after class grading papers, preparing lessons, and attending mandatory seminars. Many arrive to work before 7:30 AM and do not leave until 6:00 PM. These educators invest large sums of their time and money in order to ensure the educational and social well-being of your children. Please respect them. I know I still do, even though it has been years since I attended Sugarloaf. I will soon attend law school, and know many successful others who grew up with Sugarloaf School. If it weren't for the solid educational background and social skills that the school gave my peers and I, we may not be in the positions we are in today.

Saturday January 22, 2005

To the person that responded about Sugarloaf School, the one with the cute school, and school bus graphic – Wow! Well said.  I couldn’t agree more.

To the Sugarloaf School Complainer – you missed the entire point of the previous messages.  The point was, just give accurate facts when posting a message on this website.  Your comments were not true or accurate.  It really bothers me when I see people post comments here that aren’t accurate.  You can give your opinion and you have that freedom of speech.  You don’t have to like the principal, you don’t have to like George Bush, John Kerry, or Santa Claus if you don’t want to.  That is your choice.  But you do need to give accurate facts about any topic you post on this website. Otherwise, you lose your credibility with the people that know the true facts, and you’re wasting your time here.

As far as the FCAT goes, I hear a lot of parents complain about it, but I have never seen anyone really get a group going against it.  My theory is, until a large group of Florida parents band together and rise up and complain about it, we’re stuck with it.  There are 26 states that have a test similar to the FCAT. That means there are 24 states that don’t.  I also am not aware of any other state where you need to pass the test to pass the third grade or graduate from high school. 

I wonder why Bush had to be so hard to see.  What is he afraid of?  What's up with the "Rapture Index"?  Google it.  Let me hear what you think.

Friday January 21, 2005

Paul's Appliance isn't any better than All Keys Appliance.  Paul's was the only authorized dealer in the keys that I could have service my 3 month old washer. It was freaking all over the floor and sounding like it was going to explode.  When Paul's finally came the whole mile over to my house he said it sounded normal and charged my husband $70 for not fixing a washer under warranty.  He's lucky I had to work!

Regarding all the heifers at Boondocks. Fat girls need love too!  Also, have you ever heard the saying more cushion for the pushing !

Wow!  Lot’s of big changes at House of Music.  New floor going in, furniture, landscaping, remodel.  I stopped in yesterday and commented to the bartender about it and I think it was the owner who came over and told me about some of their plans.  They are really trying to make the place nice and clean it up.  I tried the food and it was excellent.  I also noticed the absence of the local scum-bag crowd.  Keep up the good work guys, your going to make it.

Today's Writers Almanac (NPR) this is part of the poem they read today- kind of appropriate for the GOP administration, eh?
 

Poem: "The Jumblies" by Edward Lear.
I
They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
  In a Sieve they went to sea:
In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
  In a Sieve they went to sea!
And when the Sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
They called aloud, "Our Sieve ain't big,
But we don't care a button! we don't care a fig!
  In a Sieve we'll go to sea!"
    Far and few, far and few,
      Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
    Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
      And they went to sea in a Sieve.

II
They sailed away in a Sieve, they did,
  In a Sieve they sailed so fast,
With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a riband by way of a sail,
  To a small tobacco-pipe mast;
And every one said, who saw them go,
"O won't they be soon upset, you know!
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long,
And happen what may, it's extremely wrong
  In a Sieve to sail so fast!"
    Far and few, far and few,
      Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
    Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
      And they went to sea in a Sieve.

Thursday January 20, 2005

The sailfish are here!

This is to Beths “mom”.  Actually, the integrity of this site is not in question.  Beth actually pleaded her guilt when I called her and told her I had proof she posted it.  She never even questioned what the e-mail address that I had was, nor did she question where I got my information.  It was clear that she had written the statements because they were identical to some of the things she had stated previously in a letter with her signature.  Instead of questioning, as I would have done if I was wrongly accused, she immediately started placing blame on her ex-husband and the 6 other people who have access to her e-mail.  I hardly think that Beths’ ex-husband has anything against her current husbands ex-employer, besides why would he even know anything about it.  Beth, there comes a time in every ones lives where they actually have to accept responsibility for their own actions.  People that I ran into on the street that didn’t even work for the company came up to me and said, “man, Beth must really be pissed at John.”  That’s how obvious it was that it was you.  Why don’t you just apologize and fess up and let everyone know that your postings about Douglas Bell Electric was just a hoax and you are not a customer, and that you are just an ex-employees' bitter wife.--s

I started going to House of Music a while ago too. The food, service and music are great. Let's make sure we support this establishment - it's a refreshing change for our area.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, 
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit 

pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. 
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by 

istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas 
thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

(Ed: my spell-check just exploded.)

Wednesday January 19, 2005

When it comes to the schools, please get your facts straight.  I read so much misinformation about the schools and school system and Terri Axford on this web-site.   When it comes to money and funds, don’t you realize there are audits and rules to follow and tons of paperwork kept on all of this?   Terri Axford does not use school money for her private use or for whatever she wants to use it for.  She does not take 10% of the money from all of the fundraisers.  Last school year, each one of the schools were asked by the state to return a sum of money.  Each school had a different sum.  Sugarloaf’s sum was about $37,000.00 I think. (Other Monroe County schools were asked to send back even higher amounts.)  Ideas were tossed around at meetings about how to come up with that much money.  One of the ideas was to take 10% from every fundraiser, but that idea was nixed and it  never happened.  

I think, (and I could be wrong) that the school district has a lawsuit against the state over the return of this money.  Please check out your facts before you post misinformation on this website, it really isn’t difficult to do. Maybe that’s the problem though, certain people WANT to spread misinformation.  As far as the letter writing campaign, the students were asked to write letters to the County.  These letters hopefully will BENEFIT the students, the entire community, and the school.

I started going to House of Music a month ago, the food and music were great. Every time that I go now, about twice a week, the service is getting worse and the owner doesn’t seem to care. He told me that he was going to make the place better, but it has crashed for me. Ten minutes to get a coke with four people at the bar and five people at tables with two bartenders and one waitress. Look for a new place to eat.

Tuesday January 18, 2005

After seven years of picking up trash on Key Deer Blvd., Jean Bell (the foremost authority on this subject) thinks that it's mostly from tourists because it's mostly fast food wrappers. I'm really surprised that anyone litters in this day in age.

Thank you WD for putting the out side bench back

The guy that wants to poison cats is a little pussy!

Crust on dough. I think why it is so difficult to get a crispy crust here is due to the elevation. Or should I say lack of elevation?

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

Monday January 17, 2005

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Have you noticed the profusion of Pizza places? They're breaking out all over. Americans sure love their pizza!

I'm your “Beach Boy”. I take my dogs, Jagger and Bear to Picnic Island most every sunny Sunday. I love cheeseburgers and contrary to rumors do NOT have a girlfriend (or a wife). I’ll meet you at the Tiki Bar Friday after 3. (Thanks to my friends John D. and Mary T. for telling me to go online.)            

Sunday January 18, 2004

I control my finances just like any government does. I have different piles of money set aside for things like, rent, food, entertainment, etc. When I see something that I really want I simply take the money from one or more of the piles--promising to pay it back, of course. But just like governments I never do put it back, of course.

Re: Poison for iguanas: I use a Crossman pellet gun. One shot to the head and they just drop dead. It's quite amazing. I thought they would struggle, but they don't. It's just plop and drop and into the trash can.

Jane Bell. What a fine women. Her name even has a nice ring to it.

The Packer truck is there at Key Deer because after the tragic fire at Montego Bay and the loss of the best watering hole on Big Pine, the good Capt. Dan decided that he could ride Montego Bay’s coat-tails and become the new Packer Backer Bar.  Many local Piners know the history of the truck and its original owner and how it came to be and how much it meant to the owners of Montego Bay.  Too bad the Key Deer owner doesn’t have the class to keep the truck cleaned up a little bit and the weeds trimmed back. The neglect of the Packer truck is also reflected in his business in general.

There was another accident at 6:30 Friday night. As soon as tourist get here the accident rate climbs. Too bad they have to keep on passing us.

Hey old people, if you see something wrong (like a crazy Cadillac lady) don't call the police. They can't do anything about it unless they witness it. Don't make a pest of yourself. We've already got enough old farts snooping around here for two cities.

They should have a name for all day rain down here like they do for the unusual weather pattern called El Nino. This is such a rarity for us. It only happens here about once or twice a year.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Frances Earnist has moved to Bicoastal Realty in Sugarloaf key. Good luck.

Saturday January 15, 2006

The Deputy Dog apologist-retired-cop-guy is just making excuses and trying to get sympathy for a person who is in the wrong. He's defending him over the control of his dogs just because that person is another cop. It's the same old Blue Wall of Silence thing.

Crazy Cadillac lady: Whoever's complaining sounds like it's some old retired person with nothing better to do. Nosey retired people are the bane of the Keys with their pettiness.

To the man looking to find where the nice girls hang out. There are only seven of them in Big Pine and they move from place to place.

All Keys Appliance. I only went there once about 5 years ago to get my VCR fixed. They kept it a week and then when I tired of waiting for their phone call I called them and they said there was nothing wrong with it and to come pick it up. I thought it very unprofessional of them to keep it so long without calling me. I never went back for anything else.

Regarding Wednesday's letter accusing the person complaining about the deputy's dogs killing two deer on County property: The writer thinks it's his neighbor complaining and suggests the neighbor complains directly to the Deputy, yet the writer won't go to the neighbor (who he thinks wrote the letter), himself and tell them his thoughts instead of writing it anonymously in this forum.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Friday January 14, 2005

I stopped last week and offered to take Jane Bell's 3, very full bags of collected garbage and she refused several times until I gave up.  I think it's great that she does it and I'm very thankful she cares, but I think she would rather carry them. That's fine too.

Hi everyone from CocoNet Key Internet Cafe. This is just a quick message to let you all know that our business hours have changed to:  Monday to Friday 10am – 6pm, Saturday & Sunday 12 noon – 6pm. We used to be open until 7pm every night but have decided to have a life instead.

Q. Do you know why there is no Miss Ebonics Beauty Pageant? Ans. Because they can’t find a girl to wear the sash that says “I da ho”

Thursday January 13,2005

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they’re probably cramming for their final exam.

Re: Deputy Dog. The writer who thinks that going to a cop and complaining about his dogs killing deer will be greeted with piles-of-smiles is crazy. I went to my neighbors once (who are decent people) and asked if they could do something about their rooster waking me up at all hours of the night. They refused the gift I'd brought and we have never spoken since. Now try doing that with a sheriff; concerning something as serious as his dogs killing deer. Get the picture?

The Last Samurai. What a boring, predictable, poorly directed movie (the battles were good) The movie was never convincing. All I saw was Tom Cruise dressed as a Japanese. I kept on seeing Tom Cruise, the actor, not the character he was playing. The Samurai, themselves, were cool. They walked around all day in their bathrobes like Hugh Heffner, but didn't they feel silly going into battle dressed for the shower.

BigPineKey.com's Kudos of the Year for 2005

Our Lady of the Boulevard. Jane Bell. This selfless woman has been picking up our trash for seven years from US 1 to Port Pine Heights. A very big Kudos and thank you, Jane. We all appreciate you.

To the long-winded,  If you will utilize space between paragraphs maybe someone will read your long rant. This is taught in third grade here in the states. To run-on, and on, and on "readslikethisNorestnobeginning," and no end for the readers eye.

The stereotypical negative comments about illegal immigrants are sad, but true. They appear racists and disrespectful. What disturbs me when reading them is whether the writer agrees that these low-lifes are no different that American low-lifes who emigrate (Note: White trash seldom emigrate because of our liberal welfare system. This is just used as an illustration.)? Do you think that our trailer trash would immigrate to Cuba or Mexico and take the trouble to learn their language and culture? Or do you think that they will only hang out with their own kind and continue in their white trash ways with no thought to improvement? When immigrants form their own support communities they seldom leave or have the need to learn the other language. Look at all the ethnic pockets in the US: Chicago, Minnesota, New York, L.A., Miami, San Francisco. Just about all the major cities have non-English speaking communities made up of all ethnicities. (I love spell-check.)

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321. I'll bet you all have been waiting all your lives to know that.

Why do people gripe about drunks at the local bars? Who do you expect to see there, Billy Graham and the Pope?

Every now and then I run into someone who lives on a canal who's waiting until they can buy the boat of their dreams. I say why wait. Get a small boat now and enjoy yourself. The most fun boat I've ever owned was a 16 foot aluminum with a 40hp outboard on a trailer. I went everywhere with that boat. I went around just about every mangrove island in the Keys. The thing was so light that I could drag it over sand bars and off sand bars when I ran aground. I've got a bigger boat now, but sometimes I miss the versatility of that sixteen footer.

Re: Couple moving to the Keys.  Tip: Bring lots of money, fishing rods and Antibuse tablets.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

I'm a man, but I feel uncomfortable when a man crosses my personal space (I read somewhere that everyone has a personal space of about 30 inches around them that they feel comfortable within.) I suspect them of gayness. Men instinctively keep that distance when talking to another man. I guess living in the Keys so long had taught me than when another man crosses that invisible line I should beware. It sure makes me uncomfortable. As they come closer I keep backing away.

In Ebonics they don’t say their R’s as in motha’ for an example. It would greatly help them if they would add an R now and then to help negate the stereotype of a stupid people.

Druggie update: I've tried both LSD and Ecstasy. LSD made you LOVE everyone and everything. Ecstasy makes you LIKE everyone and get you horney too!

They should record peoples' speech before they're fitted with false teeth. Most people sound different when they get them. Listen to Jimmy Carter for an example. If they had a prior recording a hip dentist might be able to tune the new teeth like an instrument (of speech) so they don't sound different. 

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are getting divorced. What a tragedy. I'm just crushed I think I'll have to take to bed. This definitely overshadows the tsunami story.

Dr Lofland skipping town. Isn't he the same doctor who was involved in a deadly hit and run boating accident last year where he left a man to die?

Garbage men don't treat us as customers. They treat us as though we don't have an alternative; like they have a monopoly. Oh, wait a minute, they do! Someone should copy all these garbage comments and bring them to the county commission the next time Waste Management's contract comes up for renewal.

If you call someone on the phone then punch in 9.5.3.4.8.8.9 it plays Mary had a little lamb.

I’ve seen more fawns this last summer than any other year since the 70’s. It’s good to see the heard so healthy for a change. Was this an unusual year for fawn births?

Phone cards for the Holidays (and beyond)!  Send a phone card to the hospitalized men and women of our Armed Forces.  Purchase a phone card and the Postal Service (Big Pine and Summerland) will send it for you  -or – you can mail it yourself to the following addresses: 
Medical Family Assistance Center Walter Reed Medical Center 6900 Georgia Avenue, NW Washington,  DC  20307 or
Navy Marine Corp. Relief Society P.O. Box 556 2901 Wisconsin Avenue Bethesda,  MD  20889
God Bless our men and women who serve in uniform.

Ex Back-stabbing employee. This goes out to everyone in big pine key and little palm island. First of all the boat captain is no worse than any other male at that overrated no real beach island.  Let me speak from first hand experience. What about the dockhand who has humped more employees in suites than  guests have including  a former mgr.  Also, every male out there has gawked or stared at the fake boobs that frequent the island daily. Might as well fire them all.  It seems to me that there are some jealous people. Maybe the GM was jealous because he didn't get a piece from Miss Hawaiian Tropic and the good ol' captain did. I applaud the captain for that. Secondly, why not address another issue like how come lil' palm hires a foreign contractor to bring in poor Europeans that don't pay taxes and half don't have working visas? This guy makes a killing and never does an ounce of work. Lil' palm pays this guy he pays them. The reason?  Pay an illegal $4.50 a hr. or pay an American $9.00. It just doesn't seem their priorities are strait. What a sh***y  little island with backstabbing employees.

Deputy Dog Deer Killer Update. Kudos to the "voices of the public".  Concerns over wasting money on a temporary 350 ft fence to confine the deer killing sheriff's dogs prompted Monroe county public works to come up with a better and more cost efficient plan.  A permanent smaller fenced area behind the deputy's residence will prevent the blood thirsty killers from roaming the neighborhood and from entering the park where small children will be playing when the park is completed. Note that these dogs are not police dogs nor do they have any training.  There will be no excuse for any more killings as the gate will not be opened for vehicle access.  This proves that changes are more likely to happen when people speak up as opposed to saying to themselves that there is nothing they can do.  Every voice counts and the more the better even against those who appear to be protected.

Update to Extreme Colors story:  I am really happy to say that Extreme Colors rang me at 9.45 am and confirmed they were coming to pick my car up in the next half an hour.  They arrived within the stated time, took my car, painstakingly repaired the original repair, repaired another seam which was coming open, washed the car (!) and returned it to me about an hour ago.  The re-repair looks fantastic and has been strengthened on the inside as well.  I am fully satisfied and have been warned not to let the roof down for a week.  All this for the original amount I paid.  Apparently the business is growing rapidly and they were mortified that these postings would have brought them any bad publicity.  Anyone that’s that careful about the business they do has my vote.  Thank you Extreme Colors and good luck with everything.  This has been a message from a satisfied customer.

Another hawk incident - I have a large mesh screened bird cage outside my door where I used to put my 2 cockatiels and 3 parakeets because they enjoy being outdoors. I was sitting right inside the door when a huge hawk came under the roof overhang and landed on top of the bird cage.  Although the cage cannot be penetrated, my birds freaked out and if I wasn't there to scare it away they probably would have beat themselves to death or had heart attacks.  I don't put them outside anymore but they would love to go out. I understand this is nature, but does anyone know of anything that will scare the hawks and keep them away like a plastic owl or something and is there a threat to my cat?

Try to answer each riddle before you look at the answer. Riddle

I am the person who posted about a problem with my convertible roof and Extreme Colors.  I would just like to give kudos to Extreme Colors who heard about my entry on this column and called me immediately.  As a result, they apologized and assured me of their commitment to good business practice and their good name which they have worked hard for.  It would appear that they have been in the process of moving these past few months and let my situation slip by mistake.   They will be coming tomorrow morning to make the repair to my car good again.  I am impressed with their honesty and look forward to seeing them.  Thank you Extreme Colors and Happy New Year.

I saw the worst name on a charter boat that I’ve ever seen: Fish Pain. What is that? A boat for sadists?

Re: Cute guy alert. Before we meet at Looe Key this Friday I have to know if you have all your teeth (at least the front ones). There ate some things I can’t overlook and missing teeth are at the top of the list.